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Thread: Me and the DB had the number talk

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Me and the DB had the number talk

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    (i would post in pillow talk but i do not have enough numbers so i shall instead i shall post here)

    Last night me and DB had the talk of how many people we slept with. He told me his number which while higher than mine it is only by like 2 so no biggie. However he than told me that in two of the cases they were one night stands. I have been having a hard time accepting that in part cause i am really against one night stands. I have not said anything to him about it bothering me yet since i do want some time to process it. But i almost feel disgusted that he has had one night stands.

    I know i am obviously over reacting since he does not talk to any one he has been 'close' with. I am just not really sure how to move past this.
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    #2
    Just as I'm heading to bed someone posts something else I want to comment on!

    Ok, OP, here it is - Eeek...I don't know what to say other than you opened that door...so now you and your DB have to just live with the knowledge. I would've advised not to have "that" talk, because why does it matter? If those people are in the past and are not involved with either of you now and if you are committed to being faithful to one another, then what does it matter? IMO, it doesn't (given the things I just mentioned - committed to being faithful, etc.) Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. This knowledge may just cause some unneeded emotional distress.

    But, what's done is done. All you can do now is focus on the fact that you two are together, you're happy with each other, and the people of the past are just that : in the past. Try not to focus on it too much.

    Hope you're feeling better about all of this soon.






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    #3
    I really don't think it should matter either way. You asked, now you know. If you didn't want to know, then you shouldn't have asked. He could have lied and said they were all relationships so at least he was honest. But one night stands happen sometimes. You can't hold this against him, it was something he did before he ever met or knew you.
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    #4
    and this is why i don't discuss numbers or past sexual escapades.




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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle1686 View Post
    Just as I'm heading to bed someone posts something else I want to comment on!

    Ok, OP, here it is - Eeek...I don't know what to say other than you opened that door...so now you and your DB have to just live with the knowledge. I would've advised not to have "that" talk, because why does it matter? If those people are in the past and are not involved with either of you now and if you are committed to being faithful to one another, then what does it matter? Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. This knowledge may just cause some unneeded emotional distress.

    But, what's done is done. All you can do now is focus on the fact that you two are together, you're happy with each other, and the people of the past are just that : in the past. Try not to focus on it too much.

    Hope you're feeling better about all of this soon.
    I think for me the fact is i never asked the circumstances. I just like to assume what i want about the circumstances. But he told me any way, and now i feel like i know more than i would like regarding the past.
    Also just a clarifying thing, he was the one who brought the conversation up. Though i do admit it is my fault for asking him the question in return

    I do not even know why it is such a big deal either. Cause i have female friends who have had one night stands, which while not something i personally would do, it did not make me think any less of them
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Whitla View Post
    and this is why i don't discuss numbers or past sexual escapades.








    DB:"I don't need a bunch of stuff to be happy, I just need you"
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle1686 View Post


    Oooo-weeeee! this is a doozy.

    Someone once said to me 'do not ask questions that you do not want the answers to'

    I stand by this! I know curiosity kills the cat.. and it is human nature to want to know these things when we desperately love someone...but wow - this one will haunt you forever! and then you start thinking, "was she hotter than me? why her? blah blah.... "

    In a past relationship - this talk came up (I knew not to ask this time around and DH and i are WAY better off for it!) and we unveiled something similar to this. I was super disgusted just as you were. But then I thought about this 'what is my deepest, darkest secret that i would be mortified telling him?' and realized that I would never share this with him as he may be disgusted in me. So that helped me cope with it. You just need to learn what was in the past was in the past, not to judge and to move on.

    Good Luck with this! Its a tough situation you are in!
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    #8
    I agree with everyone above.

    The past belongs in the past, and should not be brought up.
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    #9
    I know you didn't ask him op but now its out there.

    Why is it bothering you so much?
    Is it that you just don't like one night stands or is it the fact that he had one night stands?

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    #10
    I think its more that knowing the circumstances makes it that much more real. Even though i know people remember the genral circumstances of there own past, you dont want to hear that from someone you like.

    Idk i think maybe i should bring it up but not to discuss it (Cause i can only see that making things worse) but more along the lines of i am sure i have also said things that may of made him less than comfortable and that from now on i would prefer not discussing the past
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