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Thread: He's ignoring me, turned off his phone...

  1. Senior Member
    proud_wife_n_mom's Avatar
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    #1

    He's ignoring me, turned off his phone...

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    DH is on tdy and has been going out a lot. That's fine, because there is a lot to do. And more work than free time. But he hasn't called me once while being there. I had to call him since he's been there, and the conversation (well lack of) lasted no more than 3 min each. He's gone back to his old self on tdy's, doing things he has never done around me (he doesn't drink, or go to clubs, or bars at all). He tells me he absolutely hates doing it and going to those places. But it always happens on tdy. So, it does bother me that I don't know what he's like while drinking, or know what he's like in a club/bar environment. He would never go with me because he "hates" to do it. I CAN brush all that off, since he has always been like that on tdys (except the one before this), but last night changed it all.

    I asked where he was, and he said what place he was at. I asked what all they had to do there (casinos, bars, slots, restaurant, rides) because I have never been to where he is. It's nice to hear what these places are like and hear what his experience is like doing it. But he got MAD. Said he refused to answer me and then hung up on me. I texted back asking what was wrong, and he said he wasn't going to respond. That was at 830 pm my time. He turned his phone off between 830 and 9 pm. DD wanted to talk to him since she never got to say goodbye and missed him. It's been off since...called his room when we woke up (5 am our time) and no answer.

    I did get in touch with him finally at 930 am my time. He said he didn't want to talk to me. Where he goes isn't my business. And whatever he does while he's there will be my fault. I guess he is referring to if he does something wrong, I drove him to do it.

    A while back I had problems with him, some of you can recall. But we were fine. Last tdy he actually communicated with me while he was gone. Now he's ignoring me. Avoiding me. Avoiding DD. I'm trying to remember it's not my fault what he does. But it is partly my fault for how I feel, because I did give him a second chance. He has almost blown that chance. I have arrangements to move out if he has done something that is not okay to do in our relationship. He said "do what you want to do". He doesn't care about us. Why should I anymore? He has become the person I said I won't be with anymore. So, sometime next week I might be moving out. I won't cry. Not over him. Never again.
  2. The Dude Abides
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by proud_wife_n_mom View Post
    DH is on tdy and has been going out a lot. That's fine, because there is a lot to do. And more work than free time. But he hasn't called me once while being there. I had to call him since he's been there, and the conversation (well lack of) lasted no more than 3 min each. He's gone back to his old self on tdy's, doing things he has never done around me (he doesn't drink, or go to clubs, or bars at all). He tells me he absolutely hates doing it and going to those places. But it always happens on tdy. So, it does bother me that I don't know what he's like while drinking, or know what he's like in a club/bar environment. He would never go with me because he "hates" to do it. I CAN brush all that off, since he has always been like that on tdys (except the one before this), but last night changed it all.

    I asked where he was, and he said what place he was at. I asked what all they had to do there (casinos, bars, slots, restaurant, rides) because I have never been to where he is. It's nice to hear what these places are like and hear what his experience is like doing it. But he got MAD. Said he refused to answer me and then hung up on me. I texted back asking what was wrong, and he said he wasn't going to respond. That was at 830 pm my time. He turned his phone off between 830 and 9 pm. DD wanted to talk to him since she never got to say goodbye and missed him. It's been off since...called his room when we woke up (5 am our time) and no answer.

    I did get in touch with him finally at 930 am my time. He said he didn't want to talk to me. Where he goes isn't my business. And whatever he does while he's there will be my fault. I guess he is referring to if he does something wrong, I drove him to do it.

    A while back I had problems with him, some of you can recall. But we were fine. Last tdy he actually communicated with me while he was gone. Now he's ignoring me. Avoiding me. Avoiding DD. I'm trying to remember it's not my fault what he does. But it is partly my fault for how I feel, because I did give him a second chance. He has almost blown that chance. I have arrangements to move out if he has done something that is not okay to do in our relationship. He said "do what you want to do". He doesn't care about us. Why should I anymore? He has become the person I said I won't be with anymore. So, sometime next week I might be moving out. I won't cry. Not over him. Never again.
    How your DH behaves is absolutely not your fault. You're not responsible for his behavior, and if he behaves badly, there's no reason to feel guilty. It doesn't sound like there was remotely any reason for him to react so badly to your question, unless he's feeling guilty or defensive about something. It sounds especially childish and petulant of him to avoid even talking to your DD. Take care of you and your DD first, OP. Be prepared for the worst case scenario, but also have an idea of what your best case scenario would be (that would eliminate the need to move out). I hope everything works out for the best!
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    #3
    wow I am so sorry he's acting like this. He's your husband, of course his business is your business. That was in the vows It's not like you're getting all crazy on him wanting to know his every move. I'll be praying for you
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    #4
    That is just unacceptable. It almost sounds like he KNOWS that he is doing things he shouldn't and it trying to turn the tables and be mad at you.

    How frustrating...so sorry.
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    #5
    BULL SHIT! Whatever he does is on HIM. You don't control his behavior HE DOES. That guy is an ASS. YOU deserve better.

    UGH.

    Sorry.

    I am sorry you are going through this. A leopard doesn't change his spots. He may be able to camouflage them for a while but they are still there. You deserve better than this treatment. If he won't treat you better, I guarantee you there are men out there who will.





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  6. Don't ever settle for less than you deserve.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Solstice View Post
    BULL SHIT! Whatever he does is on HIM. You don't control his behavior HE DOES. That guy is an ASS. YOU deserve better.

    UGH.

    Sorry.

    I am sorry you are going through this. A leopard doesn't change his spots. He may be able to camouflage them for a while but they are still there. You deserve better than this treatment. If he won't treat you better, I guarantee you there are men out there who will.
    This.

    I'm so sorry OP you most go threw this, and I know he's done you wrong in the past.... It'd be one thing if he was changing, but this post makes me feel like I did with your first post about him.

    He may be a good father BUT he is not treating you with any respect, and no real man would behave the way he does. There is no excuse out there that validates his behavior no matter what crap he may feed you....


    Sorry just can not see what you find in that man at all from any of your posts. You deserve to me happy, and you deserve to be able to trust someone. I know there are men out there that WILL treat you better, and NONE of this is your fault at all this ALL lays on his shoulders.
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    #7
    From the way he is getting so defensive i get the feeling that he feels guilty for something. I think you deserve someone who will communicate with you and treat you well.
    Also the fact that he does not want to talk to his daughter is concerning. does he not realize that even when he may be far away he is still her father?

    I really do hope things get better but you may have to prepare for the possibility that they do not
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    #8
    I remember when I first joined you were thinking of leaving him, and then you decided to give him another shot. It sounds like he is blowing it.

    How can there be trust if he shuts off his phone and intentionally avoids you, then blames you for anything he "might do wrong"?

    You are not responsible for his actions, or his lack of communication, or his mess ups. You are, however, responsible for your actions and what you decide to do as a result of his. You gave him a second chance, and he is abusing it.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by decks89 View Post
    That is just unacceptable. It almost sounds like he KNOWS that he is doing things he shouldn't and it trying to turn the tables and be mad at you.

    How frustrating...so sorry.
  10. Don't ever settle for less than you deserve.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Anchored2aSailor View Post
    I remember when I first joined you were thinking of leaving him, and then you decided to give him another shot. It sounds like he is blowing it.

    How can there be trust if he shuts off his phone and intentionally avoids you, then blames you for anything he "might do wrong"?

    You are not responsible for his actions, or his lack of communication, or his mess ups. You are, however, responsible for your actions and what you decide to do as a result of his. You gave him a second chance, and he is abusing it.


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