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Thread: Porn and our therapist.

  1. in love.
    missaubrey's Avatar
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    #1

    Question Porn and our therapist.

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    DH and I have been going to consoling together since May of last year. The guy is awesome. I enjoy going to our sessions even though things are wonderful right now, it helps me understand myself more if that makes any sense.

    I had a big problem with porn while I was pregnant both times. I felt like a whale and very unattractive. That is why in the first few sessions I kept mentioning me not begin comfortable with him watching it while I'm pregnant. Well of course he still but that's in the past and we dealt with it then.

    Do I mind DH watching porn? No, not really. I say "not really" because I'm not all woo hoo about him wacking to other women but it doesn't run through my mind like that. It's just an "eh, as long as he is not choosing it over me, I'm cool with it". I'd be a hypocrite also because I watch it here and there too.

    Well, in a recent session, the guy asked DH is he still watching porn and when was the last time he did it. He said last night. The consueler looked at me and asked how I felt about it. I told him "Eh, I know he still watches it. It's whatever. As long as he is still having sex with me, I'm fine with it."

    He then looked at me all" psychiatrist like" and asked again "it doesn't bother you at all that he watches this?" I told him "do I like that he looks at other women for pleasure? Not really. Will I leave him for it? Nah. Its hard to explain and it sounds confusing but it's really no big deal"

    Then he said "He is basically cheating on you. It really dehumanizes women. You're okay with that? Are you sure? You don't want him to stop?"

    In my head I was like but I told him yet again, I'm okay with it. We used to watch it together. A lot of men watch it. Some don't. DH does and I don't find it odd. I find it okay in our relationship."

    He said "don't buy into people saying it's normal for guys to watch it. It's not. Nothing about it is normal and okay. It's a problem."


    And it went on like this for five minutes.

    I know porn is okay for others and not for some but he was really bothering me. Like he wanted me to break down and say something like IT'S EITHER THE PORN OR DIVORCE!


    I felt pressured and uncomfortable with how he was pushing PORN IS WRONG on me. Is this normal for him to approach it like this? Am I overreacting? Perhaps he think it bothers me bevause i said I don't like it? Or bevause it did bother me while I was pregnant?

    Sorry if this sounds like I'm rambling on. Just wanted opinions. Also sorry for the misspellings and odd words, I'm on my iPad. Darrn auto correct!
    hi.
  2. I'm sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.
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    wow. a good therapist should never make you feel that way or talk to you like that. talk about unbiased...




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    #3
    That's wrong for a therapist to push their views like that. I'd be looking for a new one.
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    #4
    I grew up with my mom and dad split up and both having VERY different thoughts on all this...my dad got married umpteen million times and divorced..he'd watch porn and the women would go insane about how its cheating and stuff and we all thought whatever its not our problem..my mom after leaving my dad over abuse got married again and has been with the same man for more than 10 years so they have no problems when it comes to this. I guess I take my moms viewpoint..he is watching porn on a computer he is not physically doing anything with another female, he will never be any closer to this female than the computer screen. He will not be friends with her and he doesn't spend money on her. He has sex with her and not just beating off everytime he is horny..

    I have told my husband that I don't have a problem with him watching porn, he'll I've sat and watched a girls gone wild dvd one of his friends got him for his bachelore party just because I wanted to see what the big deal about it was (woohoo I'm drunk look at my tittays!) I guess I'll never care if he is looking-as long as he isn't touching...does it mean I want him going and finding some girl to masterbate live in front of him? Not exactly but still whatever..I've been with him to the stripclub and bought him a dance before and he thought it was crazy that I didn't mind...his friends girlfriends all got upset if they went to a club or talked to another girl or did anything..I feel like if you strap a guy down and say "NO BAD" like he is a dog who just pissed on the carpet than he isn't going to stay happy..as long as it is innocent then let him do it. If he is serious about your relationship and respects you then he knows the lines and he won't even go near them.

    As for your therapist pushing it, it sounds like you need to find a new one--he should be happy that you don't ahve a huge problem with this a lot of women have a deal or no deal situation when it comes to porn. It sounds like he has a problem with porn more than anything.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by LouWho View Post
    That's wrong for a therapist to push their views like that. I'd be looking for a new one.
    This this this. I could understand asking you questions since it bothered you while you where pregnant, but he shouldnt have been so pushy about it.
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    #6
    Therapists aren't supposed to do that. It's not their job. I'm really shocked he said those things.
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    I have to go with the previous posters. What he did was uncalled for. *I* personally would not be able to continue going to him because I would worry about him trying to force his views on us on other topics.

    It is fine to ask once or twice but the way he was about it was 100% unprofessional.
  8. Oh hot damn, I get a custom title?
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by CSC6709 View Post
    DH and I have been going to consoling together since May of last year. The guy is awesome. I enjoy going to our sessions even though things are wonderful right now, it helps me understand myself more if that makes any sense.

    I had a big problem with porn while I was pregnant both times. I felt like a whale and very unattractive. That is why in the first few sessions I kept mentioning me not begin comfortable with him watching it while I'm pregnant. Well of course he still but that's in the past and we dealt with it then.

    Do I mind DH watching porn? No, not really. I say "not really" because I'm not all woo hoo about him wacking to other women but it doesn't run through my mind like that. It's just an "eh, as long as he is not choosing it over me, I'm cool with it". I'd be a hypocrite also because I watch it here and there too.

    Well, in a recent session, the guy asked DH is he still watching porn and when was the last time he did it. He said last night. The consueler looked at me and asked how I felt about it. I told him "Eh, I know he still watches it. It's whatever. As long as he is still having sex with me, I'm fine with it."

    He then looked at me all" psychiatrist like" and asked again "it doesn't bother you at all that he watches this?" I told him "do I like that he looks at other women for pleasure? Not really. Will I leave him for it? Nah. Its hard to explain and it sounds confusing but it's really no big deal"

    Then he said "He is basically cheating on you. It really dehumanizes women. You're okay with that? Are you sure? You don't want him to stop?"

    In my head I was like but I told him yet again, I'm okay with it. We used to watch it together. A lot of men watch it. Some don't. DH does and I don't find it odd. I find it okay in our relationship."

    He said "don't buy into people saying it's normal for guys to watch it. It's not. Nothing about it is normal and okay. It's a problem."


    And it went on like this for five minutes.

    I know porn is okay for others and not for some but he was really bothering me. Like he wanted me to break down and say something like IT'S EITHER THE PORN OR DIVORCE!


    I felt pressured and uncomfortable with how he was pushing PORN IS WRONG on me. Is this normal for him to approach it like this? Am I overreacting? Perhaps he think it bothers me bevause i said I don't like it? Or bevause it did bother me while I was pregnant?

    Sorry if this sounds like I'm rambling on. Just wanted opinions. Also sorry for the misspellings and odd words, I'm on my iPad. Darrn auto correct!
    That sounds REALLY fishy! (His opinion on the matter.) I think there's totally a place and reason for porn, and it varies from relationship to relationship. I mean what if you have fantasies that you would never WANT to act out with your girlfriend or wife? Sometimes it's just nice to watch and enjoy those things. A LOT of people are into watching things that they would NEVER EVER do, you know? His opinion seems strange. I feel like he shouldn't be able to force his views on you like that. But I'm no therapist.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by ThePits View Post
    That sounds REALLY fishy! (His opinion on the matter.) I think there's totally a place and reason for porn, and it varies from relationship to relationship. I mean what if you have fantasies that you would never WANT to act out with your girlfriend or wife? Sometimes it's just nice to watch and enjoy those things. A LOT of people are into watching things that they would NEVER EVER do, you know? His opinion seems strange. I feel like he shouldn't be able to force his views on you like that. But I'm no therapist.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by LouWho View Post
    That's wrong for a therapist to push their views like that. I'd be looking for a new one.
    Basically. Wow.

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