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Thread: Why wait until marriage?

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    #1

    Why wait until marriage?

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    I've noticed lately that a lot of threads have cropped up about waiting until marriage to have sex. I understand the reasons behind waiting when they are religious or personal. However, I'm confused on why people who have previously had sex would wait until marriage for non-religious reasons.

    I'm honestly curious, not trying to be a jerk or judgmental about it. I've never had a conversation with someone who was waiting until marriage post-losing-their-virginity. If anyone could enlighten me, I'd be much obliged.

    This may, also, be a pretty personal question.
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    #2
    Since it's so personal...I recommend asking a mod to move this thread to Pillow Talk as it's a more protected forum.



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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by norabora View Post
    Since it's so personal...I recommend asking a mod to move this thread to Pillow Talk as it's a more protected forum.
    Yeah, I really wasn't sure about that one. I had a moment before I hit "Create Thread."
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    #4
    I can see some people thinking of it as building tension, perhaps? When you wait all that time, the moment can just radiate pure passion. At least, thats why I would do it. Whenever DB and I are apart for a while, even our kisses are electrified when we see each other next. I can only imagine how it would be if you could look, but not touch.
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    #5
    I've never been this situation before, but here's my $0.02 anyway.

    It could be that one of the partners was in a relationship where the physical aspect took over or happened too soon or in some other way screwed things up and rather than repeat that situation they want to keep their new relationship focused on other things and reserve sex for marriage.



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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by norabora View Post
    I've never been this situation before, but here's my $0.02 anyway.

    It could be that one of the partners was in a relationship where the physical aspect took over or happened too soon or in some other way screwed things up and rather than repeat that situation they want to keep their new relationship focused on other things and reserve sex for marriage.
    Truth. When DB and I first started dating, he said he wanted to take things really slow, because his last relationship ended up being all about the physical and nothing else. Sex definitely changes things in a relationship.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by norabora View Post
    Since it's so personal...I recommend asking a mod to move this thread to Pillow Talk as it's a more protected forum.

    IMO, it's ok here... it's personal, yes but not risque.
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  8. The Decider
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    #8
    Mine is definitely a personal thing.

    I started sleeping with K about a week before we were officially dating. About five months later, I started noticing some problems with my lady bits. The nurse sent me for a herpes blood test. I was so distraught, I ended up at my church and thought I could somehow bargain with God. I tried the whole "If the test results come back negative, I won't have sex again until I'm engaged," thing. (Hey, at least I knew waiting until marriage was unrealistic at the time. )

    I got the results back the next day. They were negative. I left the next month to go visit K again... and we had sex the first night. That same day, I started having problems with my lady bits again (after having no issues since the negative result). The last day I slept with him was the day I finally got my positive test result back. At the time, I made the decision with him because I felt he had disrespected me so terribly (for something totally unrelated) that I had wanted to end the relationship. He said no, that he would just not sleep with me.

    It's been 33 months now, and for me, it's morphed more into religious reasons at this point. I have been more active in my church and I feel for me that this is the right decision. When I combine that with my herpes diagnosis, for me, it just seems right. I'm at the point now where I don't need a long engagement (as long as I'm done with my undergrad, my parents will pay for a wedding) so it shouldn't be too difficult to maintain. (And hey; I'm at nearly three years now. If I can do that, I can hang on a little longer.)

    Some days are more difficult than others. Some days I really don't think I can hold out much longer. Some days I have steel resolve.

    And my answer is obviously not the standard one, but I thought I'd answer anyway.
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    #9
    I had a time where I thought I would stop and wait again after my first love.

    We were both Christians and I had always planned to wait. We started talking about getting married and then we started talking about not waiting. I asked him if he thought we would be forgiven and he said yes. I was young and would believe anything this man said.

    After we broke up he told me he never believed in God and he just played that up for 3 years because he wanted me. That tore me up among many other lies he revealed.

    I had to go back and figure out what I believed in. Though I did conclude that having sex outside of marriage was acceptable for myself when I have deep feelings for someone.

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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by norabora View Post
    I've never been this situation before, but here's my $0.02 anyway.

    It could be that one of the partners was in a relationship where the physical aspect took over or happened too soon or in some other way screwed things up and rather than repeat that situation they want to keep their new relationship focused on other things and reserve sex for marriage.
    This happened with me and an ex. And it's something that I regret to this day. I had sex with him for all the wrong reasons. We had been dating over a year and our relationship had been rocky from the start. The longer we dated the rockier (word?) it got. He became extremely controlling and manipulative. He would accuse me of flirting with other guys and trying to pick up on other guys because I wore make up that day. He would dump me anytime something went wrong and it was always my fault. Obviously I didn't see all this at the time... I was so in love with him (or so I thought) and I wanted him desperately to love me too. So I tried to prove it to him by sleeping with him. His emotional abuse got a lot worse and he accused me of sleeping with everybody else, because in his eyes if I was sleeping with him, then I was willing to sleep with other guys. He called me a lot of rude names and I realized I needed out of the relationship. Our relationship was already on rocky ground.. but sex completely demolished it.

    For a long time I viewed myself as "Used Goods" and when I would tell guys in my religion, that I was no longer a virgin they would either expect me to sleep with them or they would never call back. It got so I was scared to tell people because I didn't know how they'd react. I didn't tell DH until we were engaged, and I was fully prepared to give him the ring back. Luckily he is so much more amazing then I had full realized. He has never once brought it up, or made me feel bad.

    DH and I chose to wait for many reasons. One of them being religious reasons, and another because I was scared what we had would be ruined by the physical aspect before we were ready. Heck I was even scared sex would ruin our marriage, but DH was patient and helped me realize that our marriage wasn't built on sex and nothing that trivial can come between us.

    Growing up I always thought I would wait til marriage. It was something that I'd been taught from a young age, growing up Mormon, and it's something I wanted to save for the right person. I am not ashamed for what I did. I know I am who I am because of everything I went through. But it's definitely not something I advertise.

    I hope that answered your question OP... I feel like I couldn't give an honest answer without some back ground, so I'm sorry for the long-ness of this post
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