Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 46

Thread: my situation- thoughts? (very long)

  1. Regular Member
    Vodka's Avatar
    Vodka is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    124
    #1

    my situation- thoughts? (very long)

    Advertisements
    This is the situation I am currently in. I don't have many girl friends to ask their opinion on, so thought I could ask here. Basically I am wondering if you think this guy thinks there could be a future with me, or is he kind of just seeing me as a friend?

    I met this guy back in July/August. He is from the town I originally was born and raised in, but I now live about 6 hours away. We kept in contact via texting and phone mostly and made plans for him to come see me again in October. He comes over for the weekend but I only spend 1 night with him. Keep in mind him coming to see me is probably at least $200 each time. Anyways, it goes well and I think he is into me. Fast forward to November and he comes to stay for a week. He brings his playstation and movies and games and has plans to spend the whole week with me. Now, I am a loner by nature, always have been. So, when I got home from work a few days in a row, I would send him away. He would go out for meals by himself or to friends' houses, I dont really know where he went, but I (was admittedly selfish) and wanted time to myself. He seemed to understand this, but this time as he left, I felt like things were different. He became distant when he got home and I felt he had an attitude towards me. He would answer my texts and stuff, but it wasnt the same.

    I really sat down and thought about it and realized how incredibly rude I had been to him. He came all this way and spent all this money and I essentially told him to go away. I called him right away to apologize and told him I understood if he didnt want to speak to me again, that how I behaved is not how I am normally and there was no excuse to how I acted. I told him I wanted to have another chance if I could. I can always admit when I am wrong or have ****ed up, and this time I ****ed up.

    He had been planning to go to another city over Xmas but instead he came here. He is in the military and was leaving in January to go away for 4 months, so this time around we didnt get to spend much time together because he was busy seeing friends and family over the holidays. Still, when we were together things went well. Here are some of the things he said to me at this time while he was here:

    -He said that not seeing anyone else (both of us) while he was gone for training sounded like a good idea

    -He asked if I wanted to meet his aunt (both parents are passed away) and told me her name, where she worked and said I should go in and talk to her sometime

    -Wanted to come over to my parents place when I go home, even though he knows he will likely have to meet my Mom

    -Tells his friends about me

    -He told me that he really likes me

    -He always tells me (because I don't have much experience being in a relationship) that ''this is what people do in a relationship'' or he will say ''you should do this more because in a relationship, I really like this''

    -He said he can probably help me get free counselling sessions through his job (I just have some issues I would like to talk to someone about but cannot afford it)

    -That I will possibly meet his friends someday

    -He showed me photos of his family and told me all about them

    -He told me something that he has said he has only told one other person in the world before

    -He wants me to write him actual letters while he is gone for his military training, and mentioned me making him cookies to send.

    We had a conversation in text and I asked him if he thought we should just be friends. He replied 'Perhaps until I get back that would make sense'. I took that as he had no interest in me past friends so I said that and he said 'ugh, is that even close to what I said?' I have a way of twisting everything he says and hearing it negatively. So, sometimes I freak out. I have actually put this poor guy through some crap, and he keeps coming back for some strange reason.

    So, in January I went back to my hometown to see my family and to see him before he left for the 4 months. I stayed with him non-stop for about 4 days. I'll throw out some of the things that were said at this time:

    - said he talked to another friend about me
    -told me there was really nothing for me where I am living and I should move back to where he lives
    -jokingly said he should teach me how to polish his boots as it could come in handy (I just thought this was cute)
    -went through a box of old photos and cards and showed it all to me (to me, this shows someone letting you into their life a bit more)
    -told me I should get on some form of birth control so my body has enough time to adjust to it for when he gets back
    -promised me he would see me again when he gets back and said he has not broken a promise since he was 13 years old

    This is the confusing part to me though- (if you remember his text stating we should be friends until he gets back)

    -I said it was sad he was leaving and he said that the past 2 of his relationships had a LDR aspect to them, and that it was going to be fine, he was used to it

    -told me that he liked me and wouldnt spend as much time with me as he does if he didnt

    -We had gone to get food and go back to his place and I was like this is all we are doing tonite. He said yes, and watch a movie...this is what couples do

    -He made me stand naked in front of him. I have terrible body image issues and he was trying to make me feel more comfortable and show me he liked looking at me. I kept trying to pull him to me so he couldn't see and he told me I had to keep my arms down and away from him. I couldn't do it, and this frustrated him. He said to me that if I wanted him to stay in the relationship, I had to work on this issue I have. He said that it wasn't a threat that he was going to leave me, but wanted me to know I had to work on it.

    The confusing part is, why tell me we are just friends until you get back, and then mention the relationship stuff? It's just confusing. Basically, I want to know, in your opinion as a guy, does he have more interest in me past friends and sex? I don't know why you would spend all the time, money and effort into seeing someone who lives so far away if all you wanted was sex. You would find someone in your own town. He told me that while he wont be seeing anyone else, he thinks it is better we consider each other just 'friends' until he gets back because he wouldnt want the distance to be the reason we broke up if it was too hard while he was away.

    Also, why agree to not see anyone else while you are gone for those 4 months if you arent interested in anything more? I basically gave him an out there, and he didnt take it. I ask him a lot if he has changed his mind about me and he says I have to stop asking him. He said if anything had changed he would tell me and that when I ask him, it makes him angry. He said that basically it shows him that I don't trust him.

    He did text me some nice things the other night ("I have everything I need here but you ") and did try to call the other night, so he is trying to keep up communication, so he must like me.

    So, I am looking for an opinion on this. I do trust him, nothing he has said to me has ever made me think he is anything but sincere. The fact he is gone and I am in 'limbo' kind of sucks, but I will wait for him, it's not a big deal.

    Sorry this is so long!!!
  2. I'm an enlisted 6-star General, Air Coast Force Guard
    Sally's Avatar
    Sally is offline
    I'm an enlisted 6-star General, Air Coast Force Guard
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    South Korea, Osan AB
    Posts
    19,380
    Blog Entries
    17
    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Vodka View Post
    This is the situation I am currently in. I don't have many girl friends to ask their opinion on, so thought I could ask here. Basically I am wondering if you think this guy thinks there could be a future with me, or is he kind of just seeing me as a friend?

    I met this guy back in July/August. He is from the town I originally was born and raised in, but I now live about 6 hours away. We kept in contact via texting and phone mostly and made plans for him to come see me again in October. He comes over for the weekend but I only spend 1 night with him. Keep in mind him coming to see me is probably at least $200 each time. Anyways, it goes well and I think he is into me. Fast forward to November and he comes to stay for a week. He brings his playstation and movies and games and has plans to spend the whole week with me. Now, I am a loner by nature, always have been. So, when I got home from work a few days in a row, I would send him away. He would go out for meals by himself or to friends' houses, I dont really know where he went, but I (was admittedly selfish) and wanted time to myself. He seemed to understand this, but this time as he left, I felt like things were different. He became distant when he got home and I felt he had an attitude towards me. He would answer my texts and stuff, but it wasnt the same.

    I really sat down and thought about it and realized how incredibly rude I had been to him. He came all this way and spent all this money and I essentially told him to go away. I called him right away to apologize and told him I understood if he didnt want to speak to me again, that how I behaved is not how I am normally and there was no excuse to how I acted. I told him I wanted to have another chance if I could. I can always admit when I am wrong or have ****ed up, and this time I ****ed up.

    He had been planning to go to another city over Xmas but instead he came here. He is in the military and was leaving in January to go away for 4 months, so this time around we didnt get to spend much time together because he was busy seeing friends and family over the holidays. Still, when we were together things went well. Here are some of the things he said to me at this time while he was here:

    -He said that not seeing anyone else (both of us) while he was gone for training sounded like a good idea

    -He asked if I wanted to meet his aunt (both parents are passed away) and told me her name, where she worked and said I should go in and talk to her sometime

    -Wanted to come over to my parents place when I go home, even though he knows he will likely have to meet my Mom

    -Tells his friends about me

    -He told me that he really likes me

    -He always tells me (because I don't have much experience being in a relationship) that ''this is what people do in a relationship'' or he will say ''you should do this more because in a relationship, I really like this''

    -He said he can probably help me get free counselling sessions through his job (I just have some issues I would like to talk to someone about but cannot afford it)

    -That I will possibly meet his friends someday

    -He showed me photos of his family and told me all about them

    -He told me something that he has said he has only told one other person in the world before

    -He wants me to write him actual letters while he is gone for his military training, and mentioned me making him cookies to send.

    We had a conversation in text and I asked him if he thought we should just be friends. He replied 'Perhaps until I get back that would make sense'. I took that as he had no interest in me past friends so I said that and he said 'ugh, is that even close to what I said?' I have a way of twisting everything he says and hearing it negatively. So, sometimes I freak out. I have actually put this poor guy through some crap, and he keeps coming back for some strange reason.

    So, in January I went back to my hometown to see my family and to see him before he left for the 4 months. I stayed with him non-stop for about 4 days. I'll throw out some of the things that were said at this time:

    - said he talked to another friend about me
    -told me there was really nothing for me where I am living and I should move back to where he lives
    -jokingly said he should teach me how to polish his boots as it could come in handy (I just thought this was cute)
    -went through a box of old photos and cards and showed it all to me (to me, this shows someone letting you into their life a bit more)
    -told me I should get on some form of birth control so my body has enough time to adjust to it for when he gets back
    -promised me he would see me again when he gets back and said he has not broken a promise since he was 13 years old

    This is the confusing part to me though- (if you remember his text stating we should be friends until he gets back)

    -I said it was sad he was leaving and he said that the past 2 of his relationships had a LDR aspect to them, and that it was going to be fine, he was used to it

    -told me that he liked me and wouldnt spend as much time with me as he does if he didnt

    -We had gone to get food and go back to his place and I was like this is all we are doing tonite. He said yes, and watch a movie...this is what couples do

    -He made me stand naked in front of him. I have terrible body image issues and he was trying to make me feel more comfortable and show me he liked looking at me. I kept trying to pull him to me so he couldn't see and he told me I had to keep my arms down and away from him. I couldn't do it, and this frustrated him. He said to me that if I wanted him to stay in the relationship, I had to work on this issue I have. He said that it wasn't a threat that he was going to leave me, but wanted me to know I had to work on it.

    The confusing part is, why tell me we are just friends until you get back, and then mention the relationship stuff? It's just confusing. Basically, I want to know, in your opinion as a guy, does he have more interest in me past friends and sex? I don't know why you would spend all the time, money and effort into seeing someone who lives so far away if all you wanted was sex. You would find someone in your own town. He told me that while he wont be seeing anyone else, he thinks it is better we consider each other just 'friends' until he gets back because he wouldnt want the distance to be the reason we broke up if it was too hard while he was away.

    Also, why agree to not see anyone else while you are gone for those 4 months if you arent interested in anything more? I basically gave him an out there, and he didnt take it. I ask him a lot if he has changed his mind about me and he says I have to stop asking him. He said if anything had changed he would tell me and that when I ask him, it makes him angry. He said that basically it shows him that I don't trust him.

    He did text me some nice things the other night ("I have everything I need here but you ") and did try to call the other night, so he is trying to keep up communication, so he must like me.

    So, I am looking for an opinion on this. I do trust him, nothing he has said to me has ever made me think he is anything but sincere. The fact he is gone and I am in 'limbo' kind of sucks, but I will wait for him, it's not a big deal.

    Sorry this is so long!!!
    He's dealing with deployment, correct? Perfectly normal and understandable that he doesn't want to commit right now - there's a lot going through his head. In his heart, it sounds like, he's hoping for the best but is afraid of the worst.

    Frankly, that's probably the best you're going to get from him for now. If you have an interest in pursing a relationship with him, then hang in there. If you do not, tell him now.

    If you are looking for a written guarantee - well - that does not exist.
  3. Senior Member
    Guynavywife's Avatar
    Guynavywife is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    19,312
    Blog Entries
    2
    #3
    How old are you guys.
    He seems somewhat controlling, but you seem to either want that....
    Other than that, go with it and see how things work out. What do you have to lose.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
  4. Regular Member
    Vodka's Avatar
    Vodka is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    124
    #4
    Thanks for replying. No he is just away training, not deployed. I am not looking for the guarantee of a relationship right now because technically we did just meet, id just like to know im not waiting around for nithing. He is an honest person though so if he wasnt into me i guess he would tell me. I probably just need to relax, it is my insecurities that probably hurt this more than anything.

    How do you think he is controlling? Im not offended by that comment btw, just curious why you think that. We are both 28 but i have not had much experience with relationships. Thanks for replying.
  5. Today was a Fairytale
    LILLIE's Avatar
    LILLIE is offline
    Today was a Fairytale
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    RAF Lakenheath, ENGLAND
    Posts
    12,426
    #5
    Yeah, relax Maybe he doesn't want to start a relationship when he is training but does see you as exclusive and wants to be together when he gets back.
  6. Senior Member
    Judi89's Avatar
    Judi89 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    30,839
    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Vodka View Post
    Thanks for replying. No he is just away training, not deployed. I am not looking for the guarantee of a relationship right now because technically we did just meet, id just like to know im not waiting around for nithing. He is an honest person though so if he wasnt into me i guess he would tell me. I probably just need to relax, it is my insecurities that probably hurt this more than anything.

    How do you think he is controlling? Im not offended by that comment btw, just curious why you think that. We are both 28 but i have not had much experience with relationships. Thanks for replying.
    OP, to your question, he does seem controlling because of letting you do this or telling you to do that. You seem so very immature. I have a very hard time believing you are 28. Like a really, really hard time.



    "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - President Ronald Reagan
  7. Today was a Fairytale
    LILLIE's Avatar
    LILLIE is offline
    Today was a Fairytale
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    RAF Lakenheath, ENGLAND
    Posts
    12,426
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Judi89 View Post
    OP, to your question, he does seem controlling because of letting you do this or telling you to do that. You seem so very immature. I have a very hard time believing you are 28. Like a really, really hard time.
  8. Regular Member
    Vodka's Avatar
    Vodka is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    124
    #8
    Hmm. Interesting. Ive never gotten a controlling vibe from him before. Ill keep in tune to that in the future. I am immature when it comes to relationships because i havent had many before. Also i tend to doubt things and doubt myself so that doesnt help either. I know i need to work in my insecurity issues
  9. MilitarySOS Jewel
    CindyLouWho's Avatar
    CindyLouWho is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    24,179
    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Vodka View Post
    Thanks for replying. No he is just away training, not deployed. I am not looking for the guarantee of a relationship right now because technically we did just meet, id just like to know im not waiting around for nithing. He is an honest person though so if he wasnt into me i guess he would tell me. I probably just need to relax, it is my insecurities that probably hurt this more than anything.

    How do you think he is controlling? Im not offended by that comment btw, just curious why you think that. We are both 28 but i have not had much experience with relationships. Thanks for replying.
    Quote Originally Posted by Vodka View Post
    Hmm. Interesting. Ive never gotten a controlling vibe from him before. Ill keep in tune to that in the future. I am immature when it comes to relationships because i havent had many before. Also i tend to doubt things and doubt myself so that doesnt help either. I know i need to work in my insecurity issues
    If you're both 28, why does your profile say you're 29?
  10. Senior Member
    BrittanyLynn's Avatar
    BrittanyLynn is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Okinawa, Japan
    Posts
    2,766
    #10
    I agree he seems controlling because of certain things he's saying... like you should make him cookies, or should move back to where he is, or get on birth control... These all seem like demands to me. Now, it could just be the way you typed it, and he could have said it in a completely different way. We only have what you told us to go on.

    I don't think these are things that you say to someone that is only a friend though.

    Finally together in Okinawa and ready to start some new adventures together!
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •