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Thread: figured it out :D :D

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Dance figured it out :D :D

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    So I was talking with my friend and started crying...explaining to her how I felt lost and stuff.

    1-She looks and me and said I need to admit I like exDB and that I keep making excuses because it's embarassing. Why it's embarassing, I don't know, but it feels embarassing. Basically I'm doing a cinderella syndrom kind of thing

    2-we talked for a long time and since she didn't know about my prior relationships, or even that one, I explained about them, and that saturday I learned that one exdb broke up with me because our "tunnel vision didn't align" which basically meant I was running away from my heart and didn't even know it.

    3-I explained my parent's issues in that dad emotionally abuses mom, and she knows it, but she deals with it and that 4 or so months into exDB my sister got engaged to a man just like my father.

    4-She told me I need to stop putting up walls and showed me that each guy since the second time I got my heart broken, and even sort of him, I have been choosing guys that would obviously NOT work out. I'm doing it because my sister is stuck with a man like my father, and I don't want that to be me. 1 lived four hours away and was only there for a month later, 1 had a 7 mo old with a hookup and obviously wasn't ready for anything, but I played along anyway, and the last one texted me like two weeks after he broke up with his ex, which meant I was a rebound...

    basically, I'm in the middle of a self-fulfilling prophesy and sticking there. I remembered that my heart was completely in my first two serious exDB's, but the first one, I was not following my heart in my mind, and I didn't even know it. Everytime he brought up a ring, I'd be like, I have two years of school left blah blah blah...I drove him away, that would drive me away, I wouldn't wait around for that or at least I would hope I wouldn't...we know my track record of self-sabatoge

    So I looked at my cinderella feelings, admitted to myself I like exDB again, and a huge relief fell upon me, everything sadness lifted from my shoulders. Then...I was like...wtf why do I like him? it can't work out, I tried it once and ran away when he brought up a ring!

    I'm almost cured...almost but not all the way, I think it will take a little bit to flush the cinderella syndrom out of my system, but now that I know and admit it's there, I can tackle it.

    I also shall start working on my running away from marriage while on my 90 day detox. I will try to figure out how to flush my parent and sister's blunders from my subconscious. I will someday find a man to be with and love full heartedly and not run away
  2. Don't ever settle for less than you deserve.
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    #2
    You have a good friend, and I'm glad you are going to start working on YOU.

    Also, no matter what you will never be stuck with someone like your father. Even if you marry someone and they turn out to be abusive there is divorce, and it's not the end of the world if that happens either. All that is not your life you can date and take it slowly, and never settle till YOU are happy and in love. Just allow yourself to be loved there are good men out there that would be lucky to have you as their wife!

    I know that is easier said then done. I'm only 21 but I know my share of emotional pain and scaring. Even with ALL my baggage and knowing fully well it'll take years for my scars my mother caused to heal IF they ever heal. I found a man more then willing to love me with knowing everything. There are great men out there you just have to push threw a few douche bags first.

    It happened for me and I know it can happen for you too! I wish you the best with moving forward and finding your Mr. right.
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    #3
    thanks
  4. Go Ducks!
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    #4
    Good for you! Sounds like this 90 detox is going very well for you.

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    #5


    I only have more to learn

    and some crush to lose
  6. Account Closed
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    #6
    isn't it so nice when you realize where all your problems lie? It's taken me years to get over some of the things in my past but if i can do it, you can too!!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveMikeyBear View Post
    Also, no matter what you will never be stuck with someone like your father. Even if you marry someone and they turn out to be abusive there is divorce, and it's not the end of the world if that happens either. All that is not your life you can date and take it slowly, and never settle till YOU are happy and in love. Just allow yourself to be loved there are good men out there that would be lucky to have you as their wife!
    Indeed. The mark of a successful relationship is not simply that you're still in it. Don't be afraid to explain to the boy that you have issues - probably not on the first date - and what kind of issues they are.

    Also, don't be afraid of counseling, both personal and couples.

    Don't expect to be all better in 90 days, either. This April, I will have been married eight years, and the thought of a long-term relationship is still enough to put me close to hysterics.

    Lot of "don't"s there. Do remember that you are capable of maintaining solid, healthy relationships. Even if they're not romantic, those skills are transferable!

    I sound like a self-help speaker. Must be getting tired.
    It's true I must be going, but I swear I won't be long
    There isn't that much ocean between Boston and St. Johns
    -Great Big Sea, Boston and St. Johns
  8. Senior Member
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by figment View Post
    Indeed. The mark of a successful relationship is not simply that you're still in it. Don't be afraid to explain to the boy that you have issues - probably not on the first date - and what kind of issues they are.

    Also, don't be afraid of counseling, both personal and couples.

    Don't expect to be all better in 90 days, either. This April, I will have been married eight years, and the thought of a long-term relationship is still enough to put me close to hysterics.

    Lot of "don't"s there. Do remember that you are capable of maintaining solid, healthy relationships. Even if they're not romantic, those skills are transferable!
    I sound like a self-help speaker. Must be getting tired.
    I feel stupid,but that sentance is confusing me...I must be tired too
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by dancerdixy View Post
    I feel stupid,but that sentance is confusing me...I must be tired too
    Even though your friendships are not romantic relationships, they are still proof that you have the ability to build healthy interpersonal relationships. Even, from the sound of it, ones that are very emotionally intimate. These same skills can strengthen your future romantic relationships.
    It's true I must be going, but I swear I won't be long
    There isn't that much ocean between Boston and St. Johns
    -Great Big Sea, Boston and St. Johns
  10. Senior Member
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by figment View Post
    Even though your friendships are not romantic relationships, they are still proof that you have the ability to build healthy interpersonal relationships. Even, from the sound of it, ones that are very emotionally intimate. These same skills can strengthen your future romantic relationships.
    le sigh.

    the minute I read or utter the word date or relationship I get a feeling of dread, I'd like to say I'm kidding O.o
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