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Thread: THINKING about having a wedding? *Long.

  1. bjealousitsxbre's Avatar
    bjealousitsxbre is offline
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    #1

    THINKING about having a wedding? *Long.

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    I got married December 30th.. 2008. My husband had just joined the Army.. while he was in basic training, his mother myself and my mom we're trying to plan it out. We had cards sent out, the place we were having it.. etc. I was trying to get as much done as possible, as cheap as possible trying to make/do everything ourselves. Well. During Basic, my husbands grandpa died and then his step sister died(she was like 13) in a tragic bus accident. She was on the school bus, a truck driver was texting or on the phone, and hit the bus.. the bus caught on fire and then I guess she was trapped in the bus and burned. Well his mom said not to tell him because it would take his mind off of it. It was his step sister so he wasn't super close with her, but obviously it's his step sister.. he is going to be upset. Well he found out, got pissed off at his mom. Then he had a "8 hour pass" during basic near the end. He didn't want to spend it with his mom, he wanted me to drive down there and just not tell her anything.


    She found out, on the way home called me and said "BLAH BLAH BLAH".. and then said we were irresponsible, etc. My mom and his mom would call and talk about the wedding, and then eventually just clashed and hated each other. Well with EVERYTHING that happened, we called it off. He came home on Christmas exodus and we stayed with my parents. Christmas came, and we just wanted to get married so we decided the court house. My mom and brother was there.. and we told no one else(besides my dad of course). My dad was kinda hurt he wasn't there, because he was working but we really just wanted to get married so when we moved to FT Lewis, I could go with. My dad wasn't too excited about the marriage but wasn't unhappy. They really just didn't like Ian because of how we use to be, how he thought we would be.. and how young I was. Now that I thnk about it, I had JUST turned 19 3 weeks prior. Well, on the way home (the courthouse was 30 minutes), I texted his mom. I thought she had the right to know before I posted it all over facebook and she find out that way. She got SO mad, and so upset.. so they fought more.





    WELLLLL almost two years later, we are where we are now. We have our ups and downs, and fight like normal but the first year is over with and we've came along way. We are about to get OUT of the military because he's getting medboarded.. and we're going back home. We never had a wedding reception, wedding.. nothing. I had a registry and that was something that was going to help us with our new house, etc.. but of course without the wedding that never happened. Haha.

    So about 3 weeks ago.. I texted him mom. We haven't talked to her in FOREVER. Our last fight, we continued to talk crap about me.. saying I ruined his life, that I'm country, etc.. but honestly, family is HUGE to me. I would like to have a mother in law. She also talked major crap about DH. When I texted her that day, she said pretty much she was sorry and that she "still loves us". I know she's just pretty much using me to talk to my DH, but whatever. I honestly don't care. I did tell her that if DH does bring her back into her life that she can't be telling me to divorce him, or him to divorce me. She caused a LOT of fights and we won't let it happen again. DH has done said he will not let her come between us and will drop her again if need be. So I slowly convinced DH(Ian) to consider seeing her. We're about to drive back to NC in a week or two and on the way we're stopping in KY and going to see his sisters and brother.. and of course his mom. Now on my side.. My parents still don't LOVE him, but they deal with him and are slowly calling him "family".

    So obviously we're starting to head in the right direction. So now.. since we're going back home, possibly purchasing a house or atleast renting one.. we're settled down, in the world without the Army. We're going to be looking for jobs, and he's going to go to college to become a PA. I've always said that I wanted to have the huge wedding of my dreams.. and I'm kinda considering it. Obviously not now, but I am super interested in having a wedding once we both get settled down. Our 2 year is soon, so I was possibly thinking of having a wedding Dec of NEXT year, on our 3 year wedding ann? I guess we could always have a reception too? Or should we do a wedding? I mean, is having a wedding even though you married a stupid idea?


    I'm just confused. Ever since I was little I ALWAYS wanted a huge wedding.. I feel married, but not really because I haven't had that huge wedding like I wanted. Is it normal to have a wedding if I wait until Dec next year, so wedding on your 3rd wedding date? Or should I just have a reception? I mean our families don't talk, and theres no telling if DH will bt talking to his mom at that point.. So if I plan it again, things could happen AGAIN and have to cancel it again.


    SOOO confused.
  2. Regular Member
    CaitlinMarie21's Avatar
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    hi i see u are from ft lewis... im gonna be moving up there to be with my fiance soon and kinda nervous... any advice?
  3. The Decider
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    #3
    Just call it a vow renewal. Plenty of people do them.

    And I wouldn't cancel my wedding/reception just because my husband and his mom weren't on speaking terms. If that is the case then, don't invite her. You don't have to let her ruin the whole thing.
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  4. bjealousitsxbre's Avatar
    bjealousitsxbre is offline
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    #4
    CaitlinMarie21: Yeah.. live off of post! Haha. We get 1275 for housing.. and I pay 450 for rent, so we pocket a LOT with living off of post. We live in Lacey! And it's a really nice apartment. And plus when we moved here, the housing was packed and woulda taken a while so glad we went with this!! Haha. And also-bring a jacket and rain coat. I HATE the weather here. Oh and one more thing, make sure your really good at driving.. because people here SUCK at driving.. or atleast the majority of people do here. Haha

    Little Red: Well with them not talking their whole side of the family was pissed.. so they wouldn't have came. Felt like it would be stupid with just my family and friends.. and not his. And plus my mom and his mom got into it as well. Haha. But now I regret not having it because I had probably 85% of the stuff done. Sighhh.
  5. Anchored2aSailor's Avatar
    Anchored2aSailor is offline
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    #5
    Having another wedding, or a vow renewal after being married, isn't a stupid idea, it just doesn't seem like the smartest, most financially sound idea for the two of you. If he is planning of getting out of the military, there goes the steady income. The economy is not perfect anywhere, and it takes time to get solid jobs. Personally, I wouldn't do a vow renewal at this point. It doesn't sound like you would have the "huge wedding of your dreams" now, being that both of your families don't get along well, and there tends to be issues between you and his family, and him and your family.

    As for not feeling married, I'm not sure what advice I can give to you about that. A white dress and cake doesn't make the marriage. Honestly it sounds like you guys could use a little counseling as a couple.
  6. bjealousitsxbre's Avatar
    bjealousitsxbre is offline
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    We're not having issues.. I think I said that wrong. I meant like, I feel married obviously. I live with the man and have been with him forever.. but I dont feel like I've BEEN married the way I wanted to be married. Does that make sense? Lol. Sorry that I said it wrong. I've been all "AHHH" recently due to everything. So many changes.

    I've been "eh" or "nervous" recently because I'm nervous about him getting out, but I think we will be getting MORE now that he is out of the Army. He's getting 1700 a month or around 1700 for disability and then he's going to school and that's a little over 1200 a month for BAH where we are moving.. so that right there is his monthly pay. He's also going to do a part time job, so he will be making MORE out of the Army than now. So as far as money goes, I'm not tooo worried. He also gets 10k for severance from the Army.

    But I will admit, I've been super depressed recently thinking he won't be in the Army. Not worried about money, or so I don't think. I keep telling myself he is going to be making more, but it'll take 2 months to start getting disability checks and then of course he has to find a part time job. However in Charlotte, there are jobs hiring everywhere for just little part time jobs. Ahhhh. Now I'm stressed. Haha
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    #7
    ha ha good advice thanks how far is lacey from base? we are trying to find a good area to live in
  8. bjealousitsxbre's Avatar
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    We're exit 109.. and base is 119. So not far. In the mornings it takes DH about 20-25 min to get to work even with the traffic. Normally it's like 10-15 minutes though..so not far at allll!
  9. Anchored2aSailor's Avatar
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    #9
    Married is married. You chose not to have the wedding you wanted back when you got married, even though it was mostly planned. How you feel about how you got married, is the reason I always suggest to people to have the wedding he/she wants the 1st time, that way there is no regret or unhappy feelings about "the big day".

    Obviously it is up to you and your husband what you end up doing. For me, if I am getting "so" much money being out of the army, I would buy a house rather than have a party celebrating a few years of marriage.
  10. bjealousitsxbre's Avatar
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    Yeah I chose but who would have a wedding under those certain circumstances?

    I never said I was getting SO much money. I said we we're getting MORE than what he gets now. We've already planned on buying a house but I would like to get married and have the wedding I want. I wasn't asking what would be better. I was asking if it would be stupid to get married 2-3 years after.
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