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Thread: What Do I Do? How Do I Trust Again?

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    #1

    What Do I Do? How Do I Trust Again?

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    Ok, I will try to make this as short as possible. Basically I found out that since August, my husband has formed a long distance relationship with an old ex. He has told me at least 4 times now that things had ended with her, bu I continued to find out otherwise. He left today for a trip to visit home telling me he ended it again. He gave me access to email accounts, FB, etc for my peace of mind. Well come to find out, he had texted her after he boarded the plane to let her know he was on his way back to see her. So now, not only will it be an emotional affair, it is about to become a physical affair. I cannot handle this. I am stuck here in Japan with no one, nothing. Taking care of our 2 children (one is not even 2 weeks old) the other 13 months old, not to mention, HIS 6 year old from a previous marriage!! I I cannot leave until my daughter has her passport otherwise, I would have been gone already. have started looking into divorce, but again, being overseas, my resources are limited. I dont know what to do anymore. It has been such a roller coaster since I found out about his cheating, but I couldnt just walk away. But now I feel that I must. I cant trust him at all. I have been giving him so may chances to regain my trust, and he continues to lie. I am beyond hurt. Im in a deep depression right now, and I have 3 lives relying on me. What am I supposed to do? There is so much behind this, I cant go to his command, although I would LOVE to get him into trouble and hurt him, but that is very childish, and I am not like that. I wish I could make this all go away. He has proposed to this woman. Please someone help me. Please.



    Firstly, thank you to everyone who has replied! I really appreciate your thoughts & hugs!! I know about the proposal (it was a video he sent to her through email) because I am nosey, and hacked into a secret email acct i found out about. And I know he texted her about boarding the plane, because I found out how to get onto his FB, and saw that she had made a post about he he had just boarded the plane and was on his way 'home'. I have since wrote him many nasty emails stating that it was over. We also have talked on the phone, and we are still together. I am going to give him his space, and (for now) blindly trust him when he says that he is not there to see her. I told him if he even steps foot in that state where she is, it is over. He has been lying to me repeatedly about the whole relationship with her for months now, so there is nothing he could say to keep me if he enters that specific state. I will check bank records when he returns, looking for purchases in that state, large gaps of not buying anything (meaning shes paying for it all), or a large cash withdrawal (so his purchases dont show up on the bank statement). I am hoping and praying that he does not see her. He is my husband and I love him dearly! I want our family to work out so badly. I can work through and emotional affair, but I can't deal with a physical affair. For the sake of my children and our family, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt, for now, and just believe him & what he tells me, Call me stupid, gullible, but I just cant let go and give up, not yet... I have seen a lot of their writing back and forth (emails, texts, pix, video, etc.) He isn't the best at being sneaky, I have found almost everything out that he tried to hide. But again, thank you to everyone for your support!!
    Last edited by ProudMommEof2; 12-17-2010 at 04:13 AM.
  2. Today was a Fairytale
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    #2
    Oh wow. I am so sorry you're dealing with this. How long til your daughter gets a passport? How long is his trip? and how do you know he has proposed to this ex?

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    #3
    Where are you located in Japan? I know many divorce lawyers for americans (dealing with children especially) in Tokyo.
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    #4
    I don't have any advice, but my heart goes out to you
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    #5
    I'm not familiar with the procedure at all but I do believe you need to file immediately (with the command) for an ERD (Early Return of Dependents). I think you do that through the MPF (Military Personnel Flight).

    I recommend that you talk to the wing chaplain ASAP. I'm sorry that you are going through this.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Songtan Sally View Post
    I'm not familiar with the procedure at all but I do believe you need to file immediately (with the command) for an ERD (Early Return of Dependents). I think you do that through the MPF (Military Personnel Flight).

    I recommend that you talk to the wing chaplain ASAP. I'm sorry that you are going through this.
    ditto....good luck and I'm sorry he's pulling this.
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    #7
    good luck.
  8. Feelin' fly like a Cheesestick
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Songtan Sally View Post
    I'm not familiar with the procedure at all but I do believe you need to file immediately (with the command) for an ERD (Early Return of Dependents). I think you do that through the MPF (Military Personnel Flight).

    I recommend that you talk to the wing chaplain ASAP. I'm sorry that you are going through this.
    Great advice right here.

    Beyond that, I don't have anything--but I am SO sorry you're going through this, especially with a 2-week old. And for him to leave you and three kids behind to go visit this woman (since clearly that's what he's doing since he said so in his text to said woman)... is just inexcusable. Once you ARE able to return to the states, do you have family who can help you out? Again, I'm so so sorry you're dealing with this.
    Beth, Mama to Emmalee (12), Evan (9), and Ella (4 on May 7) (I really REALLY need to update my picture!)
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    #9
  10. cuz i'm wonderful
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    #10
    You know, I asked DB about his opinion about going to command about adultery (because of the do you/don't you back and forth that happens on this forum a lot) and he had a very interesting opinion.

    He said that if it can be dealt with internally, as in, within the family, then it should be. If both people want to pursue counseling and save the marriage, great. Done & done, no need to tell command. However, if an appropriate solution can't be reached, and the servicemen is acting inappropriately, then hell yeah, tell command. That was his perspective, though. I know there's a lot of veterans on here that were command, and disagree with that.

    I think you should seek help through the channels Sally mentioned. I think in your situation it is appropriate to tell command because you need the military's help getting out of a marriage with an asshole. If you were in the states, I'd feel differently. But you moved overseas to be with your husband. They need to help you find a way to get back home so you don't have to put up with his lying, cheating ass.
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