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Thread: Trust-Bad Past Relationships

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    #1

    Trust-Bad Past Relationships

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    DB and I got in a fight the other night because basically I'm still kind of guarded and he feels like I'm being kind of distant lately and not like giving him my whole heart. I told him that it's just becasue of how my last relationship ended a few months ago which I didn't go into full detail with him, but I'll give you guys a quick recap.

    So we dated for like 2 years, but we went to school like 3 hours away from each other and one of my friends went to the same school and told me about rumors about him hooking up with some girl, multiple times. So I casually asked him about it and he admitted it and I forgave him, but never really trusted him again. Then he hooked up with her again and that was it.

    So this time I'm a little more cautious about getting into a long distance relationship, especially because I have no idea what DB is doing on the other side of the country and it doesn't help that we only talk a couple times a week and when we do its just like the same how was your day stuff and I can't wait to see you again.

    DB is all like I've never given you any reason not to trust me and I would never hurt you or cheat on you or any of that. Which he hasn't, but he doesn't get that he kind of has to make up for my exes mistakes. I know this isn't fair to him, but its the truth.

    I just don't know what to say to him to make him understand that I just need time to adjust and full on trust him.
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    #2
    if your relationship that lasted 2 years just ended a couple of months ago, it's completely normal that you're not completely 100% over it. I would have given myself a little more time to be by myself if I were you, but I understand we can't always choose when we find someone else.

    But it does sound like you need to be by yourself. Maybe that's a good thing that he's so far away? You can kind of mentally be like you're on your own, only you know your taken so you don't need to be looking for anyone else. JMO.
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    #3
    I agree with LawlKat, it sounds like your last breakup was pretty recent and two years is a long time. You can tell him that you're not over your last breakup and that you can only give so much of yourself to him at this time, and then it will be up to him to decide if he wants to wait it out or not.

    It's possible that you cannot make him understand but maybe this just isn't the right time for you two if you both want different things. Nobody is wrong but you deserve someone who is going to be able and willing to cope with your trust issues, and he deserves someone who is going to be able to share her full heart with him. It is a tough situation ... I agree maybe you need some more time to heal before committing to a relationship.
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    #4
    um..i dont mean to sound rude but he doesnt have to do anything...he doesnt have to make it up to you for what your ex did..your ex is a different person so why are you making your boyfriend make up for your his mistakes?

    if you cant let the past go you need to be alone.
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    #5
    Honestly it was over in like May mentally, but we actually broke up in the beginning of September. I would agree that I'm not completely over him because it was pretty serious and we were friends for way longer than that, but I want to move on.

    I was kind of thinking the same thing about giving myself more time, but DB is such a great guy, we have so much in common and such great chemistry. He's so like I want to be with you and I'm kind of like I want to be with you too, but I want to slow it down and that's his problem. He doesn't get that I need time to figure everything out and that doesn't mean that we can't talk and be there for each other and be together when he comes home this month. I don't know how to make him understand that without it seeming like I don't want to be with him at all.
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    #6
    Maybe in his mind it is all or nothing, personally I would probably not want to be with someone who was still not over their ex especially if they said I had to make up for those mistakes. Your feelings are valid but remember that his are too.

    I think the most you can do is just be completely honest with him about how you feel and let him make his own choices. Tell him you are not over your ex and that in your mind he needs to make up for your ex's mistakes in his eyes, and let him make the decision, that is all you can do.
  7. Preaching from the book of Johnny Cash...
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    #7
    IMHO maybe your not ready to be in a new relationship yet. maybe you should just be friends and continue to talk, while working on your trust issues. if it was meant to be, you guys will come together and give fully to one another.
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    #8
    All I really said to him is that I wanted to slow things down a little becasue I just got out of a relationship that didn't end so well and didn't want to jumo into the same things again so quickly because it didn't work out so well the last time...

    And thats when he said that he would never hurt me.

    I feel like this is just doomed because I'm so afraid of what could happen, even though I know he's completely different than my ex.
  9. Preaching from the book of Johnny Cash...
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by kellove View Post
    All I really said to him is that I wanted to slow things down a little becasue I just got out of a relationship that didn't end so well and didn't want to jumo into the same things again so quickly because it didn't work out so well the last time...

    And thats when he said that he would never hurt me.

    I feel like this is just doomed because I'm so afraid of what could happen, even though I know he's completely different than my ex.
    i think you are doing the right thing, slowing down, just try and try to trust again. a little at a time until you build a strong foundation. dont push yourself to do something you are not ready for. give him the opportunity to show you you can trust him.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by kellove View Post
    DB and I got in a fight the other night because basically I'm still kind of guarded and he feels like I'm being kind of distant lately and not like giving him my whole heart. I told him that it's just becasue of how my last relationship ended a few months ago which I didn't go into full detail with him, but I'll give you guys a quick recap.

    So we dated for like 2 years, but we went to school like 3 hours away from each other and one of my friends went to the same school and told me about rumors about him hooking up with some girl, multiple times. So I casually asked him about it and he admitted it and I forgave him, but never really trusted him again. Then he hooked up with her again and that was it.

    So this time I'm a little more cautious about getting into a long distance relationship, especially because I have no idea what DB is doing on the other side of the country and it doesn't help that we only talk a couple times a week and when we do its just like the same how was your day stuff and I can't wait to see you again.

    DB is all like I've never given you any reason not to trust me and I would never hurt you or cheat on you or any of that. Which he hasn't, but he doesn't get that he kind of has to make up for my exes mistakes. I know this isn't fair to him, but its the truth.

    I just don't know what to say to him to make him understand that I just need time to adjust and full on trust him.
    I have to say I think you are being selfish to make a current boyfriend who has done nothing to deserve it make up for an ex'es mistakes. Your issues should not be pressed onto someone who did not cause those issues.

    I think if you can not move past your ex being a bad choice to the point you make your current guy a bad guy than you are not ready for a new relationship. You should have not chosen to be in a relationship with the new guy. Especially knowing that there are aspects of his life that will cause your issues to arise (being a LDR).

    I don't there is anything that can make him understand that. I don't think he should have to understand that. I think YOU should give him all your trust until he does something that warrants the trust to be taken away.
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