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Thread: Help me out ladies..tell me what you think..!

  1. Regular Member
    BillupsGirl's Avatar
    BillupsGirl is offline
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    #1

    Help me out ladies..tell me what you think..!

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    Okay so here is the issue. When my DB was still in mobilization training he would send me the sweetest messages..but when he actually got deployed some of those stopped of course. But he still sends me presents and I have gotten one letter so far and he calls me and talks to me online everyday sometimes more than once a day. But when we talk here lately it usually turns into an arguement and when we skype its good, but I feel like something is different with him. He tells me it's not that he is just tired because of changing shifts at his job and everything and because he hates it there..but I get so anxious and I over analyze everything he says and start thinking all kinds of negative things about our relationship. And I want to know how his days are but he doesn't tell me about his days very much because he says they are the same and boring and he never does anything. See this is my first serious relationship and I want to marry this man..but I get so scared and anxious that he loves me less or that he will change while he is away. And he said he doesn't send me those messages because he gets online to talk to me not send me messages..and he wants to talk right away because his internet connection usually doesnt last long. And I spend so much time on his care packages and all the little details right down to decorating the boxes..and all he says is that he loves them..and it makes me feel kind of crappy like he doesn't notice all the hard work I put into them. I just dont want our relationship to suffer and go downhill because of this deployment and I'm afraid it is. But he tells me how much he loves me everytime we talk and that he misses me..am I just being stupid and paranoid over nothing..? Just being a big baby..? I would like to know what yall think..
  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #2
    I don't think you're being stupid or paranoid but I just wanted to offer some perspective.

    A lot of servicemembers really do have jobs where they do the exact same thing every day. So having the "How was your day?"@conversation every single day can be a bit much. Perhaps you guys are talking too much especially if it's turning into bickering. When DH is away if we talk too often we tend to argue more and I don't think this is uncommon.

    Try focusing on quality and not quantity with communication.

    And trust is something that will come with time and hard work, but if you feel you can't trust him not to change while he is away then I think planning to marry him is very premature. Focus on building up your relationship in the now, and don't get caught up in the future.
  3. Arianna is my Angel!
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    #3
    I agree with Tojai...what she said is the best you can do...this is your FIRST relationSHIP, ride the waves my love!

    The little love letters are a sad disappointment, yes we all love them. But maybe hes to excited and searching for you online to become Mr Shakesphere. I understand that bc I went through the same thing.

    When sending a gift change them up! I used to send themed packages for the holidays that they missed or from a converstation. EX. on halloween I sent those little heads that wound up and act like they are being chased, masks and a tiny pinata and plastic apples for them to bob for apples

    thanks giving I sent craft glue and feathers for them to dress up like indian and Marines and a fake turkey with a plastic machetie crammed in the middle to look like the Marines stabbed it.

    as for convos..distance makes the heart grow fonder... I told him after our second fight (we never bickered or fought till after deployment) we said that writting letters are better when asking touchy questions, or asking about money...that was our touch subject
  4. Senior Member
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I don't think you're being stupid or paranoid but I just wanted to offer some perspective.

    A lot of servicemembers really do have jobs where they do the exact same thing every day. So having the "How was your day?"@conversation every single day can be a bit much. Perhaps you guys are talking too much especially if it's turning into bickering. When DH is away if we talk too often we tend to argue more and I don't think this is uncommon.

    Try focusing on quality and not quantity with communication.

    And trust is something that will come with time and hard work, but if you feel you can't trust him not to change while he is away then I think planning to marry him is very premature. Focus on building up your relationship in the now, and don't get caught up in the future.

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