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Thread: Other woman problem...

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    Other woman problem...

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    My husband had to take a class. He was partnered with a girl who I've come to find out was very fond of him. I had a look at our phone records during that time and they called each other constantly, no exaggeration. Early morning, late morning, afternoon, evening, late late evening, etc. I could understand some calls now and then to check notes or homework, but this just does sit right with me and I'm wondering if I'm crazy. He also gave her a ride home one evening, which I just found out about. I'm definitely not happy about that and let me say that I wouldn't mind if it were any other female co-worker who didn't have a thing for my husband. Classmates noticed how much she liked him as well and even commented on it. She made it known she was having problems with her husband, so I truly think she was looking for trouble.

    This woman had the audacity to message me on facebook and it was nasty. She called me pathetic, that my marriage needed saving, etc. I told her to leave my family alone and to never contact us again. She replied that my e-mail could be proof of me harrassing her (because I sounded "aggressive") and she would take it to my husband's command. Maybe I shouldn't have fed into her, but I wanted to stand up for myself. I know there is no possible way I could get into trouble, but I just wanted to point out how crazy she is and what I'm dealing with. I didn't call her any names in my message or use any swear words or threats. I just said very firmly, "BACK OFF."

    Without offending anyone, what is it with SOME single military women? Are they out to prove something? That they are desirable? I know it happens regardless of career all around, but it seems more prevalent in the military... Has anyone dealt with this before? What did you do?

    I just think of all the men she has to pick from, why my husband? I'm truly sorry if I offend anyone. Hopefully you can understand I'm coming from a very confused and hurt place right now.
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    #2
    First Welcome to MSOS, please take a moment and introduce yourself in the Newbies section and read the stickies.

    I think with your situation, you need to talk to your DH and he is the one that needs to tell her to "back off" otherwise HE could take it to her command. If you trust your husband, then just ignore her.


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    #3
    HUGE hugs OP. I don't have any advice but I'm sorry you're in this situation. I pray your husband realises what a parasite this woman is and removes her out of his life completely.

    I hope you find the advice you need here.
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    #4
    First off second, you need to talk to your husband about this and make it clear to HIM that you aren't comfortable with him interacting with her this much. Good luck dealing with this woman, she sounds dreadful.

    "You are platinum in a world gone grey."
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    #5
    I'm confused as to why you have not confronted your husband about this before confronting her? He is equally responsible for this thing between them. If she said your marriage needs saving, it sounds like he may have told her you guys are having problems, which to me sounds like he could be the one instigating things.

    Talk to your husband. He needs to give you some answers/explanations. It honestly kind of shocks me that you "aggressively" went after her without even asking him about it.
  6. Old Newbie
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    #6
    You're right, he is equally responsible and I definitely hold him accountable. This happened just recently. I responded to her out of shock and anger. I immediately called him and since he is at work, he really isn't at liberty to speak openly... So he said he would call me later on. I guess I'm just trying to make sense of all this before I talk to him. I'm trying to calm down because I don't want it to be a screaming match between the two of us. In all honesty, I know my husband is going to get defensive because that is who he is. I suppose I just came here looking for some support or stories. Just to know I'm not alone...
  7. Senior Member
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CassandraClaire View Post
    My husband had to take a class. He was partnered with a girl who I've come to find out was very fond of him. I had a look at our phone records during that time and they called each other constantly, no exaggeration. Early morning, late morning, afternoon, evening, late late evening, etc. I could understand some calls now and then to check notes or homework, but this just does sit right with me and I'm wondering if I'm crazy. He also gave her a ride home one evening, which I just found out about. I'm definitely not happy about that and let me say that I wouldn't mind if it were any other female co-worker who didn't have a thing for my husband. Classmates noticed how much she liked him as well and even commented on it. She made it known she was having problems with her husband, so I truly think she was looking for trouble.

    This woman had the audacity to message me on facebook and it was nasty. She called me pathetic, that my marriage needed saving, etc. I told her to leave my family alone and to never contact us again. She replied that my e-mail could be proof of me harrassing her (because I sounded "aggressive") and she would take it to my husband's command. Maybe I shouldn't have fed into her, but I wanted to stand up for myself. I know there is no possible way I could get into trouble, but I just wanted to point out how crazy she is and what I'm dealing with. I didn't call her any names in my message or use any swear words or threats. I just said very firmly, "BACK OFF."

    Without offending anyone, what is it with SOME single military women? Are they out to prove something? That they are desirable? I know it happens regardless of career all around, but it seems more prevalent in the military... Has anyone dealt with this before? What did you do?

    I just think of all the men she has to pick from, why my husband? I'm truly sorry if I offend anyone. Hopefully you can understand I'm coming from a very confused and hurt place right now.
    Quote Originally Posted by CassandraClaire View Post
    You're right, he is equally responsible and I definitely hold him accountable. This happened just recently. I responded to her out of shock and anger. I immediately called him and since he is at work, he really isn't at liberty to speak openly... So he said he would call me later on. I guess I'm just trying to make sense of all this before I talk to him. I'm trying to calm down because I don't want it to be a screaming match between the two of us. In all honesty, I know my husband is going to get defensive because that is who he is. I suppose I just came here looking for some support or stories. Just to know I'm not alone...

    You had me until the bolded. Not sure why you want to make this about this girl being military... Decks... come sit...



    "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - President Ronald Reagan
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    #8
    As the previous poster posted, this has nothing to do with her being military.
    And you said she was having problems with her husband, then ask about single women?
    Is she single or married?

    Also, are you sure you can trust your husband?
    Either you are always accusing him or something, or he is defensive for a reason...either is not a good sign for your relationship.
    As to how to deal with her, do not.
    As to deal with him, confront him, and make your feelings known, and show her the message from him.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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  9. Old Newbie
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    #9
    Well, with MY experience with most single military women is that they are out trying to prove something when there are obviously more men around. I've seen it many times. I'm not saying all. I said this is a crappy situation and I'm hurting. I'm NOT trying to offend anyone! I just wondered if anyone else noticed it.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by CassandraClaire View Post
    Well, with MY experience with most single military women are out trying to prove something when there are obviously more men around. I've seen it many times. I'm not saying all. I said this is a crappy situation and I'm hurting. I'm NOT trying to offend anyone! I just wondered if anyone else noticed it.
    but is she married or single? I agree, confront your husband. Sounds like the real problem lies there.
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