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Thread: Going down hill.

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    #1

    Going down hill.

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    My boyfriend and I have been having issues. We had a talk today but it didn't go well. I'm hurt that he didn't tell me he was planning on reenlisting and didn't tell me when he actually reenlisted. He posted it on fb and that's how I found out. So I was one of the last to find out. Even though he says he told me he wanted to reenlist. I don't recall that. His ex says ILY and I miss you all the time on his Fb whenever he makes statuses. Thats all she writes on fb. I told him the 3rd time she did it that it was annoying. She's done it 2 more times since then and this has been happening for about a month now. Yesterday she said she misses him and loves him and couldn't wait for him to come home. It was the final straw. It causes me pain and makes me wanna cry when I see it on his profile or on my filter on fb.

    This is the convo:
    him: hey
    killer_queen229: What is going on
    him: just got in whats up just read ur message on facebook
    killer_queen229: Why am I one of the last people to find out you reenlisted? That kinda hurts
    him: i told u i was
    killer_queen229: I dont recall that
    him: i told u i am doing 20 years
    killer_queen229: I dont remember that, but okay. Now, please. I feel so much pain and I wanna cry when she keeps writing on your profile about her personal bs.
    him: who
    killer_queen229: Gabby. It hurts when I have to see that. I'm not putting up with it anymore.
    killer_queen229: Thats why I was really sad yesterday
    him: actually yea u r dont cross me on this gabby as been their for me when other people havent she is a very good friend so live with it
    killer_queen229: And I havent been there for you?
    killer_queen229: That hurts
    killer_queen229: I wouldnt give a shit if she actually talked about stuff that had to do with your statuses
    him: yes but gabby is a lil more knowing of some of the shit i have gone through that i dont talk bout to any one
    killer_queen229: So you're basically saying 'Gabby can say whatever she wants and idc if it hurts you or not'
    him: yes she has earned that right look she has done alot for me and vice versa so like i said dont cross me on this
    killer_queen229: That hurts
    him: i am very blunt tired and have had a long day so i am just saying how it is
    killer_queen229: I don't know what to say
    killer_queen229: Haven't I done ANYTHING for you?
    him: omg yes u have but i dont like when some one tries to tell me that i cant tell friends they cant say certain shit
    killer_queen229: Its not even that. Its the ILY and I miss you and acting like your bf bs is whats annoying me
    him: she is one of my best friends
    killer_queen229: Thats fine. Like I said, if shes not acting lovely dovey then idc if you're friends with her. I'd be okay with that.
    killer_queen229: If a guy said that shit on my profile you would feel the same as I do
    him: i personally wouldnt care
    killer_queen229: So you wouldnt care if a guy said 'Amy, I love you and miss you and I wanna be with you'\
    killer_queen229: ?
    him is typing a message.
    him: omg we will talk later i am going on an emergency mission
    killer_queen229: Okay then
    killer_queen229: Have fun

    He is 'him' because I wanted to keep his screename unknown.
    I feel so hurt. And I don't care if he's tired. We've been on and off for a year. And I gave him a second chance after he's already been a dick to me before. I was his friend and I gave him advice. And he acts like I'm nothing.
    Last edited by Killer_Queen; 12-02-2010 at 12:34 PM.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Killer_Queen View Post
    My boyfriend and I have been having issues. We had a talk today but it didn't go well. I'm hurt that he didn't tell me he was planning on reenlisting and didn't tell me when he actually reenlisted. He posted it on fb and that's how I found out. So I was one of the last to find out. Even though he says he told me he wanted to reenlist. I don't recall that. His ex says ILY and I miss you all the time on his Fb whenever he makes statuses. Thats all she writes on fb. I told him the 3rd time she did it that it was annoying. She's done it 2 more times since then and this has been happening for about a month now. Yesterday she said she misses him and loves him and couldn't wait for him to come home. It was the final straw. It causes me pain and makes me wanna cry when I see it on his profile or on my filter on fb.

    This is the convo:
    him: hey
    killer_queen229: What is going on
    him: just got in whats up just read ur message on facebook
    killer_queen229: Why am I one of the last people to find out you reenlisted? That kinda hurts
    him: i told u i was
    killer_queen229: I dont recall that
    him: i told u i am doing 20 years
    killer_queen229: I dont remember that, but okay. Now, please. I feel so much pain and I wanna cry when she keeps writing on your profile about her personal bs.
    him: who
    killer_queen229: Gabby. It hurts when I have to see that. I'm not putting up with it anymore.
    killer_queen229: Thats why I was really sad yesterday
    him: actually yea u r dont cross me on this gabby as been their for me when other people havent she is a very good friend so live with it
    killer_queen229: And I havent been there for you?
    killer_queen229: That hurts
    killer_queen229: I wouldnt give a shit if she actually talked about stuff that had to do with your statuses
    him: yes but gabby is a lil more knowing of some of the shit i have gone through that i dont talk bout to any one
    him: So you're basically saying 'Gabby can say whatever she wants and idc if it hurts you or not'
    him: yes she has earned that right look she has done alot for me and vice versa so like i said dont cross me on this
    killer_queen229: That hurts
    him: i am very blunt tired and have had a long day so i am just saying how it is
    killer_queen229: I don't know what to say
    killer_queen229: Haven't I done ANYTHING for you?
    him: omg yes u have but i dont like when some one tries to tell me that i cant tell friends they cant say certain shit
    killer_queen229: Its not even that. Its the ILY and I miss you and acting like your bf bs is whats annoying me
    him: she is one of my best friends
    killer_queen229: Thats fine. Like I said, if shes not acting lovely dovey then idc if you're friends with her. I'd be okay with that.
    killer_queen229: If a guy said that shit on my profile you would feel the same as I do
    him: i personally wouldnt care
    killer_queen229: So you wouldnt care if a guy said 'Amy, I love you and miss you and I wanna be with you'\
    killer_queen229: ?
    him is typing a message.
    him: omg we will talk later i am going on an emergency mission
    killer_queen229: Okay then
    killer_queen229: Have fun

    He is 'him' because I wanted to keep his screename unknown.
    I feel so hurt. And I don't care if he's tired. We've been on and off for a year. And I gave him a second chance after he's already been a dick to me before. I was his friend and I gave him advice. And he acts like I'm nothing.
    I dont think he is saying that she means more than you or that you haven't done anything for him, but that she is an important person to him.

    I can understand having friends who are ex's... I do and I would be pretty hurt if DH told me I could no longer be friends with them. HOWEVER, my husbands feelings on the issue mean more to me than any of those friendships. When we were dating, that probably would have been a different story, and his feelings probably would not out rank friendships that I have had since way before he was in the picture.

    Personally, if this is as big of a deal to you as feel it is, and he is not willing to accommodate your request, than it sounds like its best to move on.
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    #3
    I'm sorry, but he sounds like a douche. There is no way DF would let his ex post "ILY and miss you and can't wait to be with you". That would be disrespectful IMO. And knowing it bothers you, he should tell her "hey can you not put that on my FB, it bothers my GF" and if she really was a good friend, she'd respect that. She can be his friend and be there for him without the "i love yous" and stuff, you know?

    As for reenlisting, yeah, it would have been the nice thing to talk to you about it first, but really...you are not his wife yet, he has to make his own decisions and if he feels like it's best for him at this point in his life, then he should do it.
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    #4
    I think you are over reacting. I agree with Sam. As a girlfriend you have the choice to either deal or end it. But you do not have a right to demand he cut contact or tell his friends what they can or can't write to him.

    DH has a friend whom he has known forever. She has in the past told him she misses him and if I remember correctly even she loves him. But it is meant as friends. I also agree with Sam that in just a dating relationship, my friends whom have been friends for a long time and been through much with me will come before my boyfriend. And I would have expected that from him. It might sting at first, but that is how it is for most people. You can't ditch friends on the chance someone will become serious or a spouse. Because if that person doesn't and than you have ditched your friends who do you have?
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    #5
    No, I agree. I'm done. I'm not gonna keep talking to him about it. He's made it clear without saying it, that he likes her. I'm hurt that he wouldn't defend me. And when we talk again, unless I just email him and just end it there. I'm just gonna be done with it.

    Also, I never said he couldn't talk to her. I said that's okay if he does. It's what she is saying is what is annoying me.
    I'm hurt because I was one of the last people to find out and I found out on FB which hurt me even more.
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    #6
    One thing I want to add, I have a really great friend, I have known him since I was 4, our families used to go on vacation together, blah blah blah. He tells me he loves me on FB all the time...DF is okay with that, he knows the guy is like a brother to me. Now, if this was an ex BF, I don't think DF would like it at all. And honestly, I'd feel uncomfortable if an ex told me on my FB that he loves me and misses me and stuff, esp considering I was in a new relationship. No matter how good of friends your remain after a break up, you used to be in an intimate relationship with that person and I don't know...I think an "I love you" from an ex means something different than an "I love you" from a best friend of the opposite gender! But that's just me...
  7. The Decider
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    #7
    him: So you're basically saying 'Gabby can say whatever she wants and idc if it hurts you or not'
    him: yes she has earned that right look she has done alot for me and vice versa so like i said dont cross me on this
    I'm assuming the first blurb was you and not him?

    A statement like that would absolutely not be okay with me. Why would you want to stay with someone who agrees with you and says no matter what someone else does or says, no matter whether it hurts you, suck it up and get over it because he doesn't care?
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    #8
    I get what you mean. But the way he came off was like he doesn't care.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleRed View Post
    I'm assuming the first blurb was you and not him?

    A statement like that would absolutely not be okay with me. Why would you want to stay with someone who agrees with you and says no matter what someone else does or says, no matter whether it hurts you, suck it up and get over it because he doesn't care?
    I'm ending it. We're not gonna even be friends. And no, I said the first thing. He said the second. I'll edit that.
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    #10
    one thing ive learned is that you can never tell a guy who he can and cant talk to friendwise without a huge blowout. its just not worth it
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