Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17

Thread: Am I reading too much into this?

  1. Regular Member
    mizsunshine's Avatar
    mizsunshine is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    53
    #1

    Am I reading too much into this?

    Advertisements
    I am usually the one helping friends 'trust' their SO's feelings, but this time I find myself needing help I can't believe I am doing this LOL

    For some reason I can't get over the insecurities my ex BF left me with because I could never trust that he would 'stick around' (thank God he didn't LOL) ... I don't want these insecurities to ruin my current relationship, but DB did something last weekend that I am having a hard time getting past...

    DB & I have been dating a few months, it's been LD from the beginning...he's stationed overseas, but deployed to Afghanistan last month & I am in the states. Our relationship started out so hot & heavy, he told me he loves me rather quickly, we talked about 'forever & always' a lot and how we are one another's 'true love'...we would talk on the phone, e-mail or video chat every day, he even sent a dozen red roses after he deployed.

    The problem is that this past weekend he told me he is scared...that he needs a 'lighter relationship', that he loves me & misses me with all his heart but can we talk about tomorrow, Spring when he gets back and shoot for forever, basically lay off of the 'forever' right now...baby steps! He told me he's not used to conversing with someone daily while he's deployed, I told him to please not feel pressured to call every day. He also told me that he's not used to being treated as well as I treat him, but that he really wants to get used to it & he will and that it will be awesome!

    Since our chat Saturday we've only talked once...I missed his call on Sunday we did talk Tuesday and he says he feels better since we were able to talk it out, but it just didn't feel the same to me. The e-mails slowed way down about a month ago, which I hope is because he's just too tired to respond when he does have the time. I don't want my insecurities of the past ruin this in any way, I do believe we have a great chance of spending our lives together.

    I keep telling myself he's exhausted & stressed...I know he works A LOT and has a pretty stressful job (that he loves) and I can in no way understand what it's like for him being in a war zone. I do know he loves me! but because of my ex what has happened worries me. Am I reading too much into this?
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Khaleeesi's Avatar
    Khaleeesi is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    7,767

    #2
    No advice but
  3. Occasional lurker
    Serpentine's Avatar
    Serpentine is offline
    Occasional lurker
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    12,968
    #3
    It sounds like he's coming to his senses, realizing it was too much too soon and wants to slow things down with you. Not that he's breaking up with you but that he wants some space and time and does NOT want to think about or talk about marriage. Sounds like a good sign, honestly! He sounds like a good, honest guy who isn't about lying or rushing into things!

  4. Regular Member
    mizsunshine's Avatar
    mizsunshine is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    53
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Serpentine View Post
    It sounds like he's coming to his senses, realizing it was too much too soon and wants to slow things down with you. Not that he's breaking up with you but that he wants some space and time and does NOT want to think about or talk about marriage. Sounds like a good sign, honestly! He sounds like a good, honest guy who isn't about lying or rushing into things!
    I actually gave him the option to A) keep things the way they were (which probably would lead to disaster) B) stay together and lay off of the forevers & just let it happen in due time or C) end it now - and he chose B very quickly! I think you are right Serpentine, it was way too much too soon, especially with him being deployed ... there is nothing wrong with 'taking time to smell the roses'!! I am pretty certain he wouldn't have chosen B if he didn't think we do have something great...and in his words "let's shoot for forever".

    I simply need to get over my own insecurities and not allow my ex to ruin me anymore than he already has LOL - I know I AM stronger than that!!!
  5. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Just_Special's Avatar
    Just_Special is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    14,508
    Blog Entries
    1
    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by mizsunshine View Post
    I actually gave him the option to A) keep things the way they were (which probably would lead to disaster) B) stay together and lay off of the forevers & just let it happen in due time or C) end it now - and he chose B very quickly! I think you are right Serpentine, it was way too much too soon, especially with him being deployed ... there is nothing wrong with 'taking time to smell the roses'!! I am pretty certain he wouldn't have chosen B if he didn't think we do have something great...and in his words "let's shoot for forever".

    I simply need to get over my own insecurities and not allow my ex to ruin me anymore than he already has LOL - I know I AM stronger than that!!!
    Sounds like you know what you need to do! He sounds like a great guy and I am glad he decided to be honest rather than allowing your current 'speed' of relationship to lead to an end instead of a future.

  6. Flying solo
    WaitingAndHoping's Avatar
    WaitingAndHoping is offline
    Flying solo
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Cape Cod
    Posts
    977
    #6
    I do think you are reading a tiny bit too much into it, but that is NORMAL, and that's why we're here; to talk about this stuff with you and help you get your mind around it I think BF sounds like a great guy and I admire him for being honest about his fears. My BF and I are in a very comparable situation where we met while he was on leave, and have experienced the majority of our relationship with me here in MA and him in Afghanistan. Like you, things progressed between us overnight; we are in love and can't say it enough. But I think he and I had a lot of time to process our outlooks and decide what we want before we met. We travelled a similar road to this point in our lives, and we really understand the other. I was treated VERY poorly by the only other person that I have ever invested myself with this much, and I naturally have some fears about letting things be this intense with BF. He understands my fears because he had a horrible experience with his ex-wife too, and we have agreed to the one ground rule of 100% honesty at all times.

    I understand how it fuels your insecurity for BF to want to take a step back, and only time and his continued desire to be in the relationship will help you deal with that. But I am happy that he admitted to his concerns in time to deal with them rather than just ignoring them and letting the relationship go down in flames. Take it one day at a time and know that as long as he continues whatever contact he can, he still wants to be in it. And even if the emails/chats slow down, that is not necessarily a reflection of his desire to be in contact, he might have his hands tied by lack of access, you know?

    We are here for you. But I think you have nothing to worry about.
    Jennifer
    Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
    HisJuliet is my Twinny but I also use her for
  7. Senior Member
    Irisheyes36's Avatar
    Irisheyes36 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    North East USA
    Posts
    1,406
    #7
    Im sorry I know I felt like that at some points but then like a month or so later the emails would pick up again and stuff. . . I think we look more into things when they're away because we have nothing else. . we don't have body language to give us clues to real feelings or even tone of voice a lot of the time. . . and thats usually how we tell if they're just tired confussed etc. . . hopefully it picks up again. Atleast you know and can believe he truely loves you thats a big part of it.
  8. You are here.
    Frybread's Avatar
    Frybread is offline
    You are here.
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    23,977
    #8
    sounds like its going too fast and he's not ready for that level yet.
  9. Senior Member
    decks89's Avatar
    decks89 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    25,031

    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Frybread View Post
    sounds like its going too fast and he's not ready for that level yet.
    yup...
  10. Regular Member
    mizsunshine's Avatar
    mizsunshine is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    53
    #10
    He's the one that started it ALL! ... but doesn't matter anymore. Best of luck too all of you, hope you're with your loved ones soon (o:
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •