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Thread: Don't want to lose him, but at a loss of what to do

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    #1

    Don't want to lose him, but at a loss of what to do

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    I wasn't sure where to post this, but I need some advice. I feel like my guy is pushing me away and afraid to get too close right before he deploys, but I don't know how to convince him to open up to me and trust me without being pushy. Some days I may not hear from him and it hurts, but I don't want to give up because when I do get to spend time with him, I can tell that he cares. I can't explain it, but I care about him so much that I want to try and make this work despite the circumstances. We have only been seeing each other for a couple months. But, I don't want him to leave without something being established between us.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by servantleader View Post
    I wasn't sure where to post this, but I need some advice. I feel like my guy is pushing me away and afraid to get too close right before he deploys, but I don't know how to convince him to open up to me and trust me without being pushy. Some days I may not hear from him and it hurts, but I don't want to give up because when I do get to spend time with him, I can tell that he cares. I can't explain it, but I care about him so much that I want to try and make this work despite the circumstances. We have only been seeing each other for a couple months. But, I don't want him to leave without something being established between us.
    established? like in a title? maybe he's using this time to see if the relationship makes it through a deployment before "establishing" the relationship.
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    Well you can't force a relationship. Is your guy officially your boyfriend or just a guy you like and talk to often?

    If he is officially your boyfriend that is something established between the two of you. If not than perhaps it is as Frybread says and he is waiting to see how you handle a deployment before deciding if a relationship will work between the two of you.

    And really, if you are going to be in a military relationship you have to get used to not hearing from your guy every day. Even if they are in the same town or state unless you are married and he comes home to you every night than there will always be times when you can't/don't hear from him.
  4. eres el amor de mi vida <33
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Southern-momma View Post
    Well you can't force a relationship. Is your guy officially your boyfriend or just a guy you like and talk to often?

    If he is officially your boyfriend that is something established between the two of you. If not than perhaps it is as Frybread says and he is waiting to see how you handle a deployment before deciding if a relationship will work between the two of you.

    And really, if you are going to be in a military relationship you have to get used to not hearing from your guy every day. Even if they are in the same town or state unless you are married and he comes home to you every night than there will always be times when you can't/don't hear from him.


    Best bet is just to ask him where you stand if you don't know and for sure. And tell him how you feel about him to see if he wants to move into something more serious before deployment and he may not want to because deployments are stressful. Contact isn't everyday then and its hard.Think long and hard if your ready for a deployment if not hearing from him everyday is already hard for you.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Southern-momma View Post
    Well you can't force a relationship. Is your guy officially your boyfriend or just a guy you like and talk to often?

    If he is officially your boyfriend that is something established between the two of you. If not than perhaps it is as Frybread says and he is waiting to see how you handle a deployment before deciding if a relationship will work between the two of you.And really, if you are going to be in a military relationship you have to get used to not hearing from your guy every day. Even if they are in the same town or state unless you are married and he comes home to you every night than there will always be times when you can't/don't hear from him.


    SM always gives good advice.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern-momma View Post
    Well you can't force a relationship. Is your guy officially your boyfriend or just a guy you like and talk to often?

    If he is officially your boyfriend that is something established between the two of you. If not than perhaps it is as Frybread says and he is waiting to see how you handle a deployment before deciding if a relationship will work between the two of you.

    And really, if you are going to be in a military relationship you have to get used to not hearing from your guy every day. Even if they are in the same town or state unless you are married and he comes home to you every night than there will always be times when you can't/don't hear from him.
    You are right! I am slowly getting used to it. It's just so different. But, I've always been an independent person, so it isn't so bad. I'm pretty good at entertaining myself. And I'm from the South so this means a lot southern momma!
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    #7
    Is this guy just a guy you've been talking to, or your boyfriend? If you consider him your boyfriend are you sure he's on the same page?

    be cool.
  8. Flying solo
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    #8
    I am always a fan of open, honest communication. BF and I both live and die by the sentiment that the other should know exactly what's on our mind as soon as we think it or feel it. I don't know if this level of communication works for everyone, but he and I both have a failed marriage in our individual pasts, and we know that we need it. I would not deal well with feeling like I was being pushed away, and I'd respond to it by initiating an open CONVERSATION (not a confrontation) with BF about it. If he is not deployed yet and you're worried about where you stand with him, you should definitely attempt to talk about it with him before he deploys. Like PP have said, communication could be spotty or not at all for awhile once he ships out. And having said that, you do need to be sure that you can deal with the reality that, no matter where your relationship stands, you may have to go days at a time without any contact while he is away.

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