Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: New and Need Advice

  1. Regular Member
    mego's Avatar
    mego is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Me: Ohio Him: Boat
    Posts
    88
    #1

    Neutral New and Need Advice

    Advertisements
    Hi everyone! I am brand new here and for the most part have just been lurking in the fourms, but a previous thread inspired me to finally put myself out there and ask for my advice on my situation.


    My DB and I have been together for several years, we have a long distance relationship and will continue to for at least another year- possible longer.

    We have a great relationship, love him more than anything but I have one issue that I cant get past.

    He hates to talk on the phone, which I am fine with- I am not a big phone person myself. However being in a long distance relationship I need to hear his voice... and more than that, I want him to need to hear mine.


    When he isn't deployed (but still across the country from me) I have to pester him to call me, then we talk about nothing for the most part which is so frustrating.

    I have expressed my frustration and told him how much it hurts me when he doesn't call me to tell me goodnight or ask how my day went. (sorry, texting doesn't cut it for me)

    This small issue has blown up into something so huge, when he can easily pick up a phone and call. Problem solved.

    He is deployed right now- on a ship- with fairly easy access to phones. We email all the time but hes been gone for a couple months now and still no calls.

    Is there anything I can do differently to try to get through to him before I just walk away from everything?
  2. I was the perfect mom, until I had kids.
    *IGrow'EmXL*'s Avatar
    *IGrow'EmXL* is offline
    I was the perfect mom, until I had kids.
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Near Knoxville, TN
    Posts
    36,179
    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by mego View Post
    Hi everyone! I am brand new here and for the most part have just been lurking in the fourms, but a previous thread inspired me to finally put myself out there and ask for my advice on my situation.


    My DB and I have been together for several years, we have a long distance relationship and will continue to for at least another year- possible longer.

    We have a great relationship, love him more than anything but I have one issue that I cant get past.

    He hates to talk on the phone, which I am fine with- I am not a big phone person myself. However being in a long distance relationship I need to hear his voice... and more than that, I want him to need to hear mine.


    When he isn't deployed (but still across the country from me) I have to pester him to call me, then we talk about nothing for the most part which is so frustrating.

    I have expressed my frustration and told him how much it hurts me when he doesn't call me to tell me goodnight or ask how my day went. (sorry, texting doesn't cut it for me)

    This small issue has blown up into something so huge, when he can easily pick up a phone and call. Problem solved.

    He is deployed right now- on a ship- with fairly easy access to phones. We email all the time but hes been gone for a couple months now and still no calls.

    Is there anything I can do differently to try to get through to him before I just walk away from everything?
    If you really feel that not talking on the phone regularly is a deal breaker for you and your relationship you need to tell him exactly what you just said in the bolded. I know you said that you've talked to him about it, but have you made it clear that you would actually end your relationship with him because of it?

    I wish I had some other advice, some men (like my husband) just completely and utterly hate talking on phones. I've just learned to accept it and realize that that's a part of who he is. That being said the only thing I can reiterate is if this is something you feel that strongly about you really need to have a serious conversation with him. Good luck!


  3. Regular Member
    Jennilaree's Avatar
    Jennilaree is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    San Diego, Ca
    Posts
    51
    #3
    My guy and I have been together for quite a few years now as well and while he's only been enlisted for the past 11 months, we've been long distance throughout that time. We run into this issue every now and then.

    I've found that if we don't text throughout the day, then we actually have things to talk about. Recently, with my work schedule, and the time difference, we are only able to talk every other day or every two days. This has also helped because when we do talk, it is a longer and more meaningful conversation.

    Also, I don't know if you are able to, but we attempt to Skype at least once every week and a half. SEEING each other makes conversation flow more naturally.

    Maybe try that? It's very frustrating, to both of us, because the phone is essentially all we have at the present time.

    Good luck and I hope things improve!
  4. WIFEY
    Hannah17's Avatar
    Hannah17 is offline
    WIFEY
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Seattle, wa
    Posts
    46
    Blog Entries
    6
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Jennilaree View Post
    My guy and I have been together for quite a few years now as well and while he's only been enlisted for the past 11 months, we've been long distance throughout that time. We run into this issue every now and then.

    I've found that if we don't text throughout the day, then we actually have things to talk about. Recently, with my work schedule, and the time difference, we are only able to talk every other day or every two days. This has also helped because when we do talk, it is a longer and more meaningful conversation.

    Also, I don't know if you are able to, but we attempt to Skype at least once every week and a half. SEEING each other makes conversation flow more naturally.

    Maybe try that? It's very frustrating, to both of us, because the phone is essentially all we have at the present time.

    Good luck and I hope things improve!

    me and my DF have been together only a couple years. But my guy likes texting more than talking on the phone!
    And we are the same as above, where we both actually have come to the concensus that talking once a week and texting occasionlly is our favorite.
    We hate it when we run out of things to say on the phone.
    But if we wait the whole week we actually have longer conversations that mean more!

    But I don't know if thats for you or not.
    and definately make it more clear on how strongly you feel about it.
    Otherwise good luck : )
  5. cuz i'm wonderful
    linzerfufu's Avatar
    linzerfufu is offline
    cuz i'm wonderful
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    11,833
    #5
    How long have you been together?
  6. Regular Member
    Anonymous's Avatar
    Anonymous is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    .
    Posts
    219
    #6
    what about Skype? Its an online web cam chatting program. Might solve your problems.
  7. Senior Member
    cassadilla's Avatar
    cassadilla is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    17,907
    #7
    me and DB aren't big on talking on the phone either. my first phone call from him in boot camp was the first real phone conversation we've ever had, but we also aren't LDR so its totally different.

    i would say talk to him about all your concerns with not being able to have a phone conversation with him. explain to him why it means so much, and basically everything you've said in the OP.
  8. FiFi89
    Irish_Girly's Avatar
    Irish_Girly is offline
    FiFi89
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Dublin,Ireland
    Posts
    10,200
    #8
    DB isnt much of a phone person either! Actually it frustrates us more, cos we cant think of alot to talk about. At the start of our relationship we would speak for hours. but now not so much. But we still IM for hours, which I prefere, cos he is more open when he can write it down. He gets nervous on the phone.

    Do I wish I could always here his voice? Yes.

    But I wouldnt leave him because I m not getting any calls.



    sorry i just realised I cant think of any advice! I m sorry

    Fifi & Gavin
  9. Regular Member
    mego's Avatar
    mego is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Me: Ohio Him: Boat
    Posts
    88
    #9
    Thanks everyone for all the replies!

    I'm not sure how to properly quote mulitiple people so I'm sorry if this is a bit awkward.


    @oohrah_baby - We started dating about 4 years ago. We know eachother very well and have been through ALOT. This isnt how it was at first - maybe a development in the past year or so. We used to talk on the phone for hours.

    @Irish_Girly - I would never even consider leaving him because of this before... but now when he knows exactlyhow I feel and still doesn't show concern about how I feel about it, kills me. Which is why I am asking for advice before I even put that on the table.

    @cassieee - Awww I remember boot camp phone calls! I remeber crying cause I missed the first two cause I was still in highschool! Treasure those momentsm you have a long road ahead of you!!!

    @Jennilaree & Starysaturn - I LOVE skype. We both do. And I would reccomend it to anyone in a LDR. But you have to plan skyping to an extent and my whole frustration comes from him not picking up a phone sponatneously cause he wants to hear my voice- ever! Also, he is deployed right now on a carrier- no skype But they do have phones!

    I guess my point is this , long distance relationships are hard as it is, why make a communication gap when you never see each other as it is.

    @Hannah17 - If i can actually get his butt to make a phone call without me bugging him about it, I will totally try to cut back on the texting to have one meaningful phone call a week!




    @Mrs.Nimkumpoop - It never even crossed my mind to ask him what I was asking everyone here! I think I'll wait until Thanksgiving to see if I get a call and then I will ask him that. Hopefully it will open his eyes up a little bit. Thank Youu!
  10. Senior Member
    helloimkaley's Avatar
    helloimkaley is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Shunan, Japan
    Posts
    15,804
    #10
    Alex and I have issues something. We've been together for almost 3 years now and he's been in the Navy for two. His barracks have no service, so he has to go outside to talk on the phone. When I woke up later he'd call me on his walk to work, but now that I wake up earlier (ie. I only get 1 hr of sleep after talking to him, maybe and hour and a half) he doesn't call often. And he also started getting rides to work.

    We text. That's fine and dandy, and I do get to see him pretty regularly (once a month if not more normally since he's only two hours away) so the no talking on the phone isn't a HUGE deal.

    But we did run into some issues this summer when I was working 40hrs a week and mainly on the weekends, so we saw each other once in a few month period and talked hardly at all. He thought we'd "run out of things to talk about" and that our connection was gone, since we hadn't been able to really have a conversation nearly all summer. I just told him that he was being silly and it was just circumstances keeping us from talking (his working of night shift, me working closing shifts, him having no service in his barracks) were just leading us to not really be able to work as we just didn't find the time.

    We're great now, but soon going to be reaching another hurdle I feel as his 3 day weekends are gone since he moved from shift work to 8 hr days. While he now has every weekend off, him travelling to see me will probably be less frequent. So it should be interesting.

    But, it's really all part of the territory with long-distance relationships. Alex does honestly HATE talking on the phone. I don't really like it either. Sometimes you just have nothing to say to the other person. I don't really do much outside of school and he doesn't do much outside of work and we both hate the meaningless chit-chat we would be having. So I don't really mind not talking to him on the phone. Now, if I didn't see him as often and I did have something to say and I called and left him voicemails saying to call me, I'd get ticked at him not calling me, which has happened in the past.

    You just have to be open and tell him. Tell him how you hate not getting to talk to him, but remember that you also have to have some leeway in this, too. Expecting to get a phone call from him every day and getting angry when he misses a day will not help anything. You need to know that they are busy and they have things they need to do as well, and sometimes they're just so tired that they honestly don't want to talk on the phone. It doesn't mean that they don't love you or want to talk to you, it just means they're men and probably tired and drained.

    I'd give him direct orders of what you want. Saying things like "I wish we talked more" really won't change things much, as they don't know what "more" is. Tell him, "I'd like a phone call from you at least every other day. It doesn't have to me too long or anything, but I'd like to hear your voice that often." Most times, when you tell them this, they'll oblige to it.

    The balancing act of long distance relationships is REALLY tough. And you'll NEVER get to talk to them as much as you want. I've even stopped thinking that when Alex tells me "I'll give you a call later" that he'll actually do it, just because I know things happen and I'd rather be excited when he does call me, than pissed when he doesn't. You HAVE to learn to give and take and not take it personally when they don't call you. He loves you, have faith in that.

    Sorry for the book. Just something I know a lot about since I had to adjust myself A LOT to get used to not hearing from Alex often, it was a huge things for me to deal with.
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •