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Thread: Advice Please (A little Long) **Update**#9

  1. "She who waits also serves"
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    #1

    Confused Advice Please (A little Long) **Update**#9

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    Ok so I need some relationship advice here's the dilemma.....

    Factoid #1-DB lives far away from his family and I try really hard to be sensitive to that because my family lives just 30 min away so we hang out with them all the time. I've not yet met his family so I try to understand whats going on just by what he tells me etc and just go with it...

    Factoid #2-His parents are in the process of being separated and everyone is in turmoil, I only hear what DB tells me about it and just try to be supportive.

    Factoid #3-I have been helping DB get out of a big credit card mess his mother created for him several years ago. I got him a fabulous debt counselor and debt attorney (as per some advice from you ladies on a different post) and hopefully his credit will be straightened out in just a few short months, I am so proud of everything he's sorted through already because this stuff is super personal and stressful. I've heard from DB that his mom has been doing the same thing to his sister and running up debt in her name but as long as she stays away from DB it is not my place to be involved.....

    Factoid #4-Now the kicker, we had planned to use his leave time to go back so I could meet his family etc. around the holidays since I have vacation time from work to use up anyways, his leave is sort of limited since he used alot to fly home to visit an ex he had a while back and has been building it all up again. This is a budgeted trip that I was planning on purchasing tickets for in advance so save $$ and use frequent flyer miles for part of it.

    Factoid #5-He also is just getting his finances back in order so he is not broke all the time and we actually went on a REAL date for the first time last weekend and it was so relaxing and nice because finally he isn't worried about me paying for everything etc...life is good!

    Well his dad has asked him to fly home on a whim, completely out of no where to go on a "hunting trip." Obviously girls are not invited (which is fine with me) but the part that bugs me is that he is entertaining spending all this $$$ and leave time because his dad is "lonely" and needs a hunting buddy.....really? I'm really I know he misses his family but it hurts that he would use the leave time and resources to just go without me......Also to jeprodize the finances and mess I thought we were working out of? Also I have never been to his home town or anything and I know all his ex GFs are from there which puts the hair on my neck up. HELP! He wants to talk about this at lunch and I just don't know how to react....I try not to vent or post stuff unless its really important and this one is so thanks so much girls!!!!
    Last edited by AirForceGirl; 10-13-2010 at 05:36 PM.
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  2. I'm still Jennie from the block....
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    #2
    I would just explain to him that you understand that he misses his dad & wants to be there for him, but that you are a bit hurt that he is willing to give up the vacation you two had planned to go back & see his family togther. Tell him how you were really looking forward to getting to see his home town & meet the family. That if he does this hunting trip it will deplete the funds & make it hard to be able to do that trip not to mention he would use up the time he had saved up for your trip together. Explain that the trip meant alot to you. I hope that helps some


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    Quote Originally Posted by goarmy13 View Post
    I would just explain to him that you understand that he misses his dad & wants to be there for him, but that you are a bit hurt that he is willing to give up the vacation you two had planned to go back & see his family togther. Tell him how you were really looking forward to getting to see his home town & meet the family. That if he does this hunting trip it will deplete the funds & make it hard to be able to do that trip not to mention he would use up the time he had saved up for your trip together. Explain that the trip meant alot to you. I hope that helps some
    Thanks so much, I'm all teary about it at work because you're right its one of those "actions speak louder than words" and it really hurts my feelings. I don't want to be controlling or off base. Thank you for the kind words.
    " Love that guy to the Moon and back! "


  4. I'm still Jennie from the block....
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    #4
    I would be disappointed too. I can see in a way how it could be a cathc 22 for him. He wants you two to go but then his dad calls him & needs him seeing the termoil you mentioned, he probably feels enclined to go. Hey is this hunting trip jsut the 2 of them going out hunting or is it a big planned event? If his dad is just lonely & wants some father son time maybe he could come out & visit instead of DB going to him! That way Db could still have time with dad & then you guys could still go during the Holidays! IDK just a thought. Hate to hear you so sad.


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    #5
    Maybe it is not about the hunting, it is about the separation and the turmoil in the family and the need for some father and son time. Can the trip be arranged so that it is less $ or can the dad come visit the son?
  6. "She who waits also serves"
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by dekeoboe View Post
    Maybe it is not about the hunting, it is about the separation and the turmoil in the family and the need for some father and son time. Can the trip be arranged so that it is less $ or can the dad come visit the son?
    That is such a good alternative suggestion! I always try to offer an alternative to problems and that is a great one. Maybe they couldn't go "hunting" but at least could just spend some time together. He was just home not too long ago but I'm sure it has to do with all the separation etc. with his mom and alot less to do with "hunting".
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    #7
    Since your boyfriend isn't out of the danger zone when it comes to his debt, it doesn't seem like him going home on a trip is what is best for him in the long run. You guys are planning on going for the holidays, it just seems a bit ridiculous for his father to ask this of him, at this time. I also feel like it is a bit selfish of your boyfriend, after all the things you have done/helped him do, to reduce and eliminate his debt. It just seems very counterproductive.
  8. "She who waits also serves"
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Anchored2aSailor View Post
    Since your boyfriend isn't out of the danger zone when it comes to his debt, it doesn't seem like him going home on a trip is what is best for him in the long run. You guys are planning on going for the holidays, it just seems a bit ridiculous for his father to ask this of him, at this time. I also feel like it is a bit selfish of your boyfriend, after all the things you have done/helped him do, to reduce and eliminate his debt. It just seems very counterproductive.
    Well and that was the part that hurt so much. I mean I have literally bent over backwards to get things straightened out for him because before we can have a future and even think about moving forward in our relationship this stuff had to be addressed.
    " Love that guy to the Moon and back! "


  9. "She who waits also serves"
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    #9
    So I talked with DB this afternoon over lunch, and we fought a little bit but later he txted me that I had a good point that they have NEVER visited him out here and that it is a bit unrealistic for him to just drop everything and leave like that.

    He apologized, I still am going to talk with him about this later when we can be face to face but for now I think its settled and we are all again. Its a big thing for me to just let go because I don't want him to make irrational decisions or even suggestions like this again and freak me out like this my nerves can't take it!
    " Love that guy to the Moon and back! "


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    #10
    Im glad you were able to work itout as a couple . for you
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