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Thread: question for married/engaged ladies!

  1. life is like a box of chocolates...
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    life is like a box of chocolates...
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    #1

    Question question for married/engaged ladies!

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    ok so DB and i are at this point unofficially engaged. we both know we are "it" for each other. the only question now is how do go about this marriage business

    basically i'm a hopeless romantic, so formalized gestures such as an in person proposal (the reason we are unofficially engaged right now) or being given away by my father, or other traditional "wedding" things are important to me. DB/DF understands this and is so wonderful about respecting my silly romantic whims, and he is therefore is willing to wait until whenever i want to marry me, although his preference is to have a JOP when he's back in december and a formal ceremony later on (when we can afford it) in order to satisfy my romantic side. i know this is fairly common for couples due to finances or timelines or whatever. my family thinks DB's idea is smart and fully encourages it, while DB's family is trying not to push their opinion on us but is thrilled and we can't get married soon enough in their eyes.

    i'm also totally fine with this as i would marry him tomorrow if i could and it makes the most sense financially, especially since a main goal of ours is to buy a house in the next few years (in other words we need to start SAVING ).so my question is for those ladies who have done or are planning to do a JOP with a big wedding later, did you feel like the big wedding lost some of it's magic or importance since you were already legally married?? this is really my only concern, that it wont feel as specially on that big day.

    any thoughts? advice?
    Last edited by mandy_may; 10-08-2010 at 05:57 PM. Reason: my title was misspelled, whoops!
    if you can find a path with no obstacles, then it probably doesn't lead anywhere....


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  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #2
    hmmm. Well, when we talked about it I just thought we'd go to the courthouse and get 'er done, no fuss no muss since its a second marriage for us both. However, HE is the hopeless romantic and wants the big proposal with the BIG wedding. I think whatever you do is fine as long as both parties are satisfied. Compromise is key.

    BiggyBiggs...the Wifey that makes me go "WoW"
  3. life is like a box of chocolates...
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    #3
    i can't type and misspelled the title of my thread and have no idea how to change it so if anyone could instruct me on how to change my title so people don't think i'm a total dork, that would also be helpful :ugh
    if you can find a path with no obstacles, then it probably doesn't lead anywhere....


    i love me some RED HOT!!

    vice president of ILLCARDC
  4. "She who waits also serves"
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    #4
    Well maybe this is the wrong advice since its ass-backwards from my divorce...oh well.


    I once upon a time had a VERY expensive fairytale wedding.....it was great but the bills it left us afterward sure weren't! Me and DB know we want to get married, I think this time I'll opt for just CLOSE family and friends on the beach!!!! My advice if you do opt to go all out and do the traditional wedding, don't let the guest list get out of hand, I had a HUGE wedding attendance and never even got to see some of the most important people because I was SOOO busy and there were so many people there!
    " Love that guy to the Moon and back! "


  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    DH planned a proposal on the beach.... we got married at the courthouse a little over 2 weeks ago.... and we're starting to plan a large wedding that will take place next year in the fall. I don't think the big wedding will lose any of its magic because for our family and friends..it's going to be the first time they see us get married. We didn't invite anyone to the courthouse just for that sole purpose.

    Wifey to Moonbeam0328 and SoldiersKitten

  6. Together, Apart, Together, Apart .. its the Navy
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    #6
    honestly... I didn't care. I was already married... I only had my big church wedding for my mom and the rest of my family.
    Florida girl in a Snowy World
  7. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #7
    I had some people (not family thankfully) who thought that DH and I needed to do a JOP because we were living together and they said we were "Living in sin" well anyhow... I thought about it and realized that to me my big wedding day wouldn't really be that... so I said nope i'll live in sin! lol I just knew in my heart that my big day really wouldn't be as big! But thats just me!
  8. Steph
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    #8
    We did a JOP in March and our "fancy church wedding" In July. I loved the idea that we did both! We got married at the JOP and our families were there, we all went out for a fancy dinner afterwards, and then DH and took off for our "honeymoon".

    We count the March date as our anniversary since that's actually when we got married.

    In July we did the whole shebang over again at an actual church wedding. We did the church wedding the same way anyone else would have their church wedding. We exchanged vows and rings again. My wedding was one of the best days of my life. I had an amazing time as well did our guests.

    For me it felt as special if not more because I wore a beautiful dress and spent the day with all of those who mean the most to me.

    Good luck hunnie, if you have any other questions feel free to ask.
  9. The Decider
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    #9
    For me personally, I think it would have taken away from my day - to be already married and having a big fairy tale wedding. However, since I opted not to go that route, I can't speak from experience.

    The only thing I have heard from friends who did a JOP and wanted a big wedding later is that they were disappointed they didn't have their big fairy-tale wedding, because they never actually got around to it. Life got in the way, they PCSed, deployments, their DH thought it wasn't as important since they were already married, etc. etc.
    Last edited by Brianna Banana; 10-08-2010 at 06:52 PM. Reason: changed wording
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  10. Occasional lurker
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    #10
    DF and I are having a very simple vow ceremony with close friends/family and then a dinner at a restaurant

    We are also not religious but truth is (IMO) that whatever makes you two happy is what's best. Out of tons of married friends we'll be the only one to forgo a big ceremony and reception, but it works for us because all we care about is legal marriage and friends/family to celebrate where as everyone else wanted a more formal and/or traditional wedding.

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