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Thread: Taking a "step back".

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    #1

    Taking a "step back".

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    Back story: DB and I have been together (and practically living together) for just about a month now. We were good friends for a good while before that, though, so we're really close.

    I'm Bipolar. I told him this when he first said that he was interested in me...I told him that he shouldn't want me, that I was crazy and all kinds of messed up. He said he could handle it.

    On the 21st, I was in the middle of a Mixed Episode (combination of Mania and Major Depression)...it was the worst I had ever been. I was off of my anti-psychotic and anti-depressant. To try and ease the pain, I overdosed on my prescription sleep medication, and combined that with a double dose of my anti-anxiety pills. I also self-harmed, cutting deep enough to require a trip to the ER. I wasn't trying to kill myself, but I damn near did.

    He told me that night that he couldn't handle me right now, and that he needed to take a step back. I suppose that means we're not currently "together" anymore.

    I understand, I really do. I was being crazy and he has this bad habit of taking responsibility for me when I'm depressed like that...I know he felt absolutely awful when I did all that. I asked him if, when I got better, we could try again. He said it was a "definite possibility".

    Since that night, I've been working really hard in recovery. I've been taking all my medication, doing well in school, eating (I also have an ED), not cutting...I've even started a mood journal to share with my therapist, so that she can help me better.

    I guess my question is...what do I do from here?
  2. be silly. be honest. be kind.
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    #2
    I think another question is what do you want to do from here? None of us can really tell you what to do, but I can sympathize. I'm so sorry that this all is going on, it's got to be incredibly difficult but the steps you're taking to help are amazing. Way to go

    "The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well."
    - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  3. I'm still Jennie from the block....
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    #3
    It sounds like you are doing a great job @ working on getting back on your feet! I suggest you continue to do what you are doing. Maybe talk to db & let him see your progress. Then see if he'd be willing to take things slowly & see how it goes. Keep up the good work & hang in there! I have family that have bi-polar & know how hard it is. I'm proud of you!


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    #4
    Wow! How stressful for you

    It sounds like both of you are handling the situation with maturity.

    I don't personal experince with bipolar disorder but I can imagine that that coupled with the ED and self harm that you are dealing with a lot. Thats really amazing that you have been working so hard.

    As for where to go from here, I would think that if you keep on the track you've been on this last week that he will definitely notice. I would share with him your plan for recovery with him so that he can see that its a continual process and takes continual effort.

    I have my fingers crossed for you!
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Katyp View Post
    Wow! How stressful for you

    It sounds like both of you are handling the situation with maturity.

    I don't personal experince with bipolar disorder but I can imagine that that coupled with the ED and self harm that you are dealing with a lot. Thats really amazing that you have been working so hard.

    As for where to go from here, I would think that if you keep on the track you've been on this last week that he will definitely notice. I would share with him your plan for recovery with him so that he can see that its a continual process and takes continual effort.

    I have my fingers crossed for you!



    I think you are taking all the steps you should be taking, and doing a good job with it. Keep your head up! I know all of this must take one hell of a toll on you, I'm sorry



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    #6
    you are doing a great job on trying to get better, and I am so glad you can admit that it was your mental illness taking over...does your therapist know about him? I would ask her because I would say you shouldn't even consider a relationship ATM. My cousin was just diagnosed Bipolar and prior to it taking her over she was one of my best friends...so I'm not saying any of that to be mean...I tell her the same damn thing. Get yourself straight first.

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    #7
    I agree with nearly everything everyone else is saying. Keep focusing on yourself and keep your chin up. If this boy is worth it, he'll wait.
    Take care.
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    #8
    i had an ed when i was younger... and its something that never leaves you. my suggestion is make sure YOU get better. It will take a few years... and though the thoughts will still be there... knowing that you can cope with them and make good and healthy choices that would benefit you.... is the best solution. I really hope that you find the help that you need. One thing you'll learn, is that you wont get better until you decide that you WANT to. Doesnt matter how many times your family tries to get you to therapy... or make you eat, etc... it all has to come from you. My prayers are with you... and if you ever need anyone to talk to... you can pm me. best of luck!
    ~Dennise
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    #9
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by JessnBigun View Post
    Back story: DB and I have been together (and practically living together) for just about a month now. We were good friends for a good while before that, though, so we're really close.

    I'm Bipolar. I told him this when he first said that he was interested in me...I told him that he shouldn't want me, that I was crazy and all kinds of messed up. He said he could handle it.

    On the 21st, I was in the middle of a Mixed Episode (combination of Mania and Major Depression)...it was the worst I had ever been. I was off of my anti-psychotic and anti-depressant. To try and ease the pain, I overdosed on my prescription sleep medication, and combined that with a double dose of my anti-anxiety pills. I also self-harmed, cutting deep enough to require a trip to the ER. I wasn't trying to kill myself, but I damn near did.

    He told me that night that he couldn't handle me right now, and that he needed to take a step back. I suppose that means we're not currently "together" anymore.

    I understand, I really do. I was being crazy and he has this bad habit of taking responsibility for me when I'm depressed like that...I know he felt absolutely awful when I did all that. I asked him if, when I got better, we could try again. He said it was a "definite possibility".

    Since that night, I've been working really hard in recovery. I've been taking all my medication, doing well in school, eating (I also have an ED), not cutting...I've even started a mood journal to share with my therapist, so that she can help me better.

    I guess my question is...what do I do from here?
    I can honestly say I have been there. I have bipolar too and my DB has not seen me in a mixed episode like that (yet) though I have warned him about them. He has seen me depressed and has gotten a few phone calls when I am crying.

    Anyway, I think you should figure out how to make yourself better for you and your mental health. I did that this summer before I met DB and I feel finally ready to be with someone. However, I still have bad days. At first I hid those bad days from DB. I wanted to be happy every time I talked to him, but finally one night I broke down. He just listened and told me he wanted to be with me through the good and the BAD. And he has been.

    I have never had a guy stick by me through a major episode. It is hard for people to really understand and be there. Give it some time, but really talk to him and ask him if he will be there if there is a next time.

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