He came home Thursday night.
Beyond amazing. he surprised me and I was so ecstatic. That night was awesome. The best night I've had since May.

We'd talked about it for the last 2 weeks that Friday would be our day...then the Army booked him a flight that he wouldn't be home until Friday night, but obviously that changed.

So Friday comes. I wake up early just to go snuggle with him while he's still all sleepy and adorable and in his boxers. One of my favorite things that he does in the morning is he'll cuddle up to me and let him hold me and it's just so cute. But anyways. Here's complaint number one. I got NOTHING...if you know what I mean. And when I say nothing...I mean ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY BONE DRY NOTHING. Ugh.
So we get up and go to breakfast. Then truck shopping. Okay, no big deal. Come home to 'take a nap' as we call it in the afternoon. Except this time...HE really did take a nap. Like fell into bed. And went to sleep. No clothes off. Nothing.

Now before we go even further, I'm just gonna state that this isn't a vent about him not wanting sex, but that it is a frustration at the moment.

Anyways, after his little power nap I thought then would be ideal. WRONG. His DM and DMOC [Dear mother's other child...in case you didn't know ] walk in a lot earlier than they should be. DM got DMOC out of school early to take her to a concert...which they don't need to leave for for another 3 hours. WTF?!

At this point I have to leave cause I have a doctor's appointment. Well DM goes with DB to look at this truck we found earlier that day. I get home and am talking to DD about the truck. We looked at some stuff online and found out this dealer is ripping DB off BIG TIME...but he doesn't care. He has money burning a hole in his account and he wants this truck bad. Ughhh. Stubborn.

So he asks since today is our day what I wanna do that night. I pretty much told him that if his parents were staying in I wanted to go out, but if they were going out, I wanted to stay in. The obvious.

We ended up going out...with his friends. A little perturbed but I didn't let it ruin my night. Went back to one of their places and watched the Hurt Locker...which I hated. It was depressing.

Saturday. Saturday we just argued a lot. Cause apparently he's sick of all the non-structure in my life. And he's just so used to the Army structure and he wants that life back. He hates all the chaos I have going on he tells me...I'm sorry? I didn't realize I had that much conflict going on currently. Apparently it's a lot according to Army boy over here...

Sunday we go out on HIS boat with one of his best friends and both of our families on their boats. Argued a lot that day too. Apparently I can do hardly anything right and I don't listen to him and "ATD. Attention to detail, Jenn. Why is that so hard?! It's one the first things you learn at basic. Jeez" We got into a little tiff about how apparently I make him feel like nothing he does is ever good enough for me and there's nothing he can do to fully please me...which is completely not true. But yeah, got off the boat. He and his friend went to Gamestop. I went and took a shower. Came back for dinner over there. We ended up completely cleaning his room and it was a decent night.

Today. I had another appointment for my eye but he wanted to take this truck he wanted to the mechanic to get it checked out before he bought it. Well, he just couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that my appointment was at 0815 and the dealership didn't open until 0830 AND that they were in total opposite directions. So he went to my appointment with me but boy, did he have quite the attitude. Wouldn't even come back to the room with me. Just sat in the waiting room. Got out of that and left for the dealership. So the salesman he's buying from calls him about 0900. This is all I hear, "Oh yeah. I'm on my way now. My girlfriend forced me to go to a doctor's appointment with her and it took longer than expected. We're coming. Thanks. Bye."
Anywayssss...went got the truck. Dropped it off at the mechanic. Went back to his house. Sat on the couch for a minute and he got a lovey dovey and started kissin' on me and stuff and then his phone rings. OF COURSE he stops and answers it. "Yeah. Definitely. Leaving now." CLICK. "Come one Babe. Going to eat." "I'm not hungry. And I wanna be with just you for just a little bit today..." "Oh well. Let's go." So I went, obviously. Finally got back and DMOC whines that she needs a ride to her DB's house [freaking 45 minutes away!]. So...what do we do? You guessed it. Take her. [But I got gas money so, it's all good.]
Get home AGAIN. Finallyyyyy. And we're alone.
We actually do nap for a bit...like 30 minutes or so. I got a nice awakening.


I dunno.
I guess I'm still guarded. I did it when he left.
I built up that strong wall to hold myself against.
I've never been a super trusting person. But I trusted him. Body and soul, completely head to toe.

I'm finding out quickly that all of our tiffs are my fault, even though I try to blame everything on him, without fully realizing it.

I'm selfish, I want him all to myself. I know he wants to see his family and friends. And I'm not gonna keep him from them...but I want to and that makes me feel horrible.

He just wants me to be me again. Apparently I'm the one who's changed. And I definitely get what he's saying. But I just don't know how to get that girl back, really.