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Thread: Confused.. Need help

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    #1

    Confused.. Need help

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    Ok.. I'm really new to all this forums and thread stuff so bare with me. Anywho.. I'm an army wife and my husband is deploying in a couple of weeks. We have been married for a year and a half and have a 5 month old son. This isn't our first deployment together.. Well I moved back home and ever since then we have been fighting non stop! I don't even know what to do anymore! We fight over the dumbest things! Recently I found out that he has accounts on some adult dating websites. I confronted him and he said that his email and everything was hacked into.. This isn't the first time it's happened but I know he has some kind of identity theft problem. Whatever.. I told him whatever and third to forget bout it. Easier said then done!! Do u think we're fighting so much because I don't really trust him?? Or believe his story?? I think it might just be the pre deployment sets.. Not sure.. Help!
  2. Am
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    #2
    I'd normally say that it's just predeployment stress but you bringing up the dating account and mentioning it as a possible reason makes me think you already know the answer to that (yes). I find it hard to believe that someone would hack into his email just to create a dating site. Be honest with him about your feelings.

    and
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    #3
    ...especially since this isn't your first deployment together
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    #4
    I think a serious adult conversation needs to be had.

    I don't think he is being honest with you, but make sure to keep a level head.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Am View Post
    I'd normally say that it's just predeployment stress but you bringing up the dating account and mentioning it as a possible reason makes me think you already know the answer to that (yes). I find it hard to believe that someone would hack into his email just to create a dating site. Be honest with him about your feelings.

    and
    Absolutely. That's not something I would be willing to just let go based on his inadequate explanation.

    I also fully believe that people fight because they don't choose not to. If you start to pick at each other, end the conversation. It will never be better to talk longer if the extra conversation-time isn't of quality. Spend less time talking if you need to. Choose not to fight. You can't always control your emotions, but you can always control your behavior. Choose your battles- some things are worth fighting over, but many more aren't. Good luck! I'm sorry you're struggling.
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    #6
    Welcome! Sorry you guys have been fighting. Pre deployment can be hard. But you mentioned this isn't the 1st time it's happened so I would be hesitant to believe him too. Has he done anything about the Identity theft? He should before it's more than just signing on to a dating site! It sucks you found this out now when tensions are already high. I say focus on the time you two have before he leaves. As for the fighting, I bet it has alot to do with him getting ready to leave. He's stressed out & has a lot on his plate so probably has a short fuse. Hang in there girl hopefully it will get better. take a deep breath & talk to him.


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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Am View Post
    I'd normally say that it's just predeployment stress but you bringing up the dating account and mentioning it as a possible reason makes me think you already know the answer to that (yes). I find it hard to believe that someone would hack into his email just to create a dating site. Be honest with him about your feelings.

    and
    I agree with the above. It is a little hard to believe that someone would steal someone's identity and use it on a dating website. I think you two need to sit down and have a serious talk-with no fighting. Yelling at each other never solves anything.
    I know you two can get through this--it just might take a little time.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by USCsemperfi View Post
    I think a serious adult conversation needs to be had.

    I don't think he is being honest with you, but make sure to keep a level head.
    Communication is the most important thing in this situation.

    Welcome to MSOS!
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Salswifey View Post
    Ok.. I'm really new to all this forums and thread stuff so bare with me. Anywho.. I'm an army wife and my husband is deploying in a couple of weeks. We have been married for a year and a half and have a 5 month old son. This isn't our first deployment together.. Well I moved back home and ever since then we have been fighting non stop! I don't even know what to do anymore! We fight over the dumbest things! Recently I found out that he has accounts on some adult dating websites. I confronted him and he said that his email and everything was hacked into.. This isn't the first time it's happened but I know he has some kind of identity theft problem. Whatever.. I told him whatever and third to forget bout it. Easier said then done!! Do u think we're fighting so much because I don't really trust him?? Or believe his story?? I think it might just be the pre deployment sets.. Not sure.. Help!
    It might have to do with his deploying if you are fighting over almost anything. But if it is just about the accounts than I would say that is more due to distrust you have.

    Now on that issue, if it happened once I could believe the identity story. The question comes with how many times has it happen and what is the activity level on these sites? And if it has happened more than once how often/far apart did/do they happen.

    I am personally not quite sure I believe the hacked story if it has happened more than once and I would not even go so far as to think it is an identity theft issue. Especially if adult dating sites is the only thing.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Loving View Post
    Absolutely. That's not something I would be willing to just let go based on his inadequate explanation.

    I also fully believe that people fight because they don't choose not to.
    If you start to pick at each other, end the conversation. It will never be better to talk longer if the extra conversation-time isn't of quality. Spend less time talking if you need to. Choose not to fight. You can't always control your emotions, but you can always control your behavior. Choose your battles- some things are worth fighting over, but many more aren't. Good luck! I'm sorry you're struggling.
    This. Dh and I have been married 9 years and no life is not a bed of roses and we don't agree on everything but we don't fight. And I know we both do stuff that pisses the other person off.
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