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Thread: "I don't plan on ever getting married"

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    "I don't plan on ever getting married"

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    Ever heard the term "opposites attract"? Well, that's me and Steven for you. We have SO many things in common...and yet, on some issues, we are polar opposites. It's starting to worry me.

    I've always been THAT girl. You know...the one that dreams of a white-picket-fence kind of life. I want to get married and have a child (maybe even two). Sure, I want to travel and work on my career before all that, but it's still my goal to end up with a family.

    Steven is way different. He doesn't want kids...not at all, no way, period. He is also against the idea of getting married...not because of the commitment, but because he doesn't "want to get the government involved". His parents have been together for twenty seven years, but are not married. So I guess that's where he got the idea.

    I can already feel my heart breaking...I'm torn between my dreams and the man that I love.

    Any advice?
  2. Am
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    #2
    He's being upfront with you. You have to decide if you'd be happy not married and without kids. If that's something you're okay with, carry on. If those are things you NEED to be happy, it's time to start seriously evaluating this relationship. You might just be at different points in your life right now but I wouldn't waste my time on someone who wanted different things than me in the long run.

    For me, those two things would be deal breakers.
  3. Account Closed
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    #3
  4. Senior Member
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    #4
    I agree with Am. It's a good thing he is being honest with you. But it could be really difficult if you both want two very different things. For me, one of the reasons I love DB so much is because we both very much want the same things. We want to get married, raise a family, etc.
    Like you said, it's your dreams vs. the man you love. I'm sure it's a tough position to be in, but if he isn't open to the life you've always wanted (or vice versa), he might not be the guy for you
    Good luck!
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    #5
    Well, you can either have the man you love and give up your life dreams, or you can have your dreams and find a different man to love. It doesn't seem like a hard decision to me....
  6. life is like a box of chocolates...
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    #6
    i agree with the other ladies. even though you two love each other, if you're life goals/dreams are not similar (i.e. family and kids, etc) then down the road you two may have serious problems. if you can be happy without the kids and white picket fence, then no problem! but if you need those things to feel fulfilled, then you may want to consider going your separate ways before you get any more attached. it's not wrong to want or not want children. there is no right or wrong. but if your dreams do not lie along similar pathways, i'm just concerned about the resentment/issues this could cause in the long run. hope you can work things out! good luck.
    if you can find a path with no obstacles, then it probably doesn't lead anywhere....


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  7. Just your everyday, laidback Aussie Girl
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by JessnBigun View Post
    Ever heard the term "opposites attract"? Well, that's me and Steven for you. We have SO many things in common...and yet, on some issues, we are polar opposites. It's starting to worry me.

    I've always been THAT girl. You know...the one that dreams of a white-picket-fence kind of life. I want to get married and have a child (maybe even two). Sure, I want to travel and work on my career before all that, but it's still my goal to end up with a family.

    Steven is way different. He doesn't want kids...not at all, no way, period. He is also against the idea of getting married...not because of the commitment, but because he doesn't "want to get the government involved". His parents have been together for twenty seven years, but are not married. So I guess that's where he got the idea.

    I can already feel my heart breaking...I'm torn between my dreams and the man that I love.

    Any advice?
    Umm he doesn't want to get the get the government involved? he's the the military...

    You have to sit down and really think about what YOU want and let him know. Marriage, weither it is on paper or common law (that is what his parents would be categorized under), is about commitment, communication and compromise. You BOTH have to make compromises to make your relationship work.


  8. I'm still Jennie from the block....
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Am View Post
    He's being upfront with you. You have to decide if you'd be happy not married and without kids. If that's something you're okay with, carry on. If those are things you NEED to be happy, it's time to start seriously evaluating this relationship. You might just be at different points in your life right now but I wouldn't waste my time on someone who wanted different things than me in the long run.

    For me, those two things would be deal breakers.
    She said it perfect! I know it sux because you love him but if he doesn't want what you want then you need to find someone who does. You can't sacrifice your dreams & those two dreams are big ones!


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    #9
    I think a question that every relationship has to face at some point is this: If he/she never changes- if he/she is EXACTLY THIS WAY, acts/thinks/believes JUST LIKE THIS for the rest of our lives- can I be truly happy?

    If you can't honestly answer yes to that question, sometimes your only option is to move on now. Love alone is not enough to make a relationship work. If only it were.
  10. Senior Member
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by SandyKay View Post
    Umm he doesn't want to get the get the government involved? he's the the military...
    I didn't even think of that
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