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View Poll Results: Should i move with my boyfriend, despite potential infuriation of my family/friends?

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  • yes

    2 7.69%
  • no

    4 15.38%
  • wait until he is home for a while

    17 65.38%
  • i don't know.

    3 11.54%
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Thread: no idea where to start

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    no idea where to start

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    Hello all, i'm new at this, but didn't know where else to turn because no one seems to understand where i'm coming from. My boyfriend of 6 months (which has primarily been long distance the entire time: he's deployed now) is coming home in March. We went to college together and have known each other for years, but recently started dating seriously. Everything seems perfect. nothing is missing with the exception that he is not physically with me. I am blessed to be able to talk to him on a daily basis via AIM and skype and letters etc. he never was the relationship type, and since we've been dating i've seen a side of him that i love and didn't know existed.

    I know we get along perfectly, but he's coming home in March from Afghanistan. he'll be in the states for at least 2 years. he's asked me to move with him to where he is stationed (he's up for a transfer to a different base. either New York, Washington state, or hawaii. we both are from pa). is this a risk that i should be willing to take?? i graduate college in may, i have no problem moving and will do anything to be with him because i know it will work, there really is not a doubt in my mind, but i feel like that is a big step (we'll both be 23 by the time he comes home). And my parents aren't going to be happy at all with the idea of me moving for a guy. actually, i haven't event touched on the subject yet because i know that it could be world war 3. is there a point where i just do what i want and need for myself and what makes me happy? i just need some insight. i really have no idea where to even start. Thank you so much girls!!

    bcf
  2. Am
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    #2
    It's a personal decision that you alone should make base on your relationship.

    IMO, I'd wait until things settle down after deployment and you've been together longer. I'd definitely wait until after graduation.

    That being said, there isn't a wrong choice. You just have to decide what's best for YOU.
  3. Senior Member
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    #3
    I'm sure your parents want what is best for you, but there is a point at which you start making your own decisions. First and foremost...FINISH SCHOOL. After that, I would just say that as soon as he gets orders, start looking for work wherever it is that he is going, and show your parents that you are really thinking it through. I would also say that although you have no doubts, nothing in life is certain, so I would get my own place while I'm there if I were you. Be independent, and give yourselves time to be in a relationship before you are moving in together and such. In short, tell them about it ASAP, and then as you learn where he is going, make a plan, and tell them of your plan, so they can see that you are growing up.
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  4. Senior Member
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    #4
    There is a readjustment period for everyone when a deployment is done. I think you need to take some time, finish school, and give him time to readjust to being home and get settled at his new base. I don't think you need to stress your new relationship by throwing EVERYTHING up in the air at once. Just take your time, and things will work out.
  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    Are you thinking about moving in with him or just moving to the same city/town as he is? You said he gets home in March, and you graduate in May, so there will be a couple months for him to get adjusted to being back and for you to start looking for a job and a place, and if you find those two near him, then that's great, if not, then not.



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  6. Old Newbie
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    #6
    he comes home in march, i graduate in may, we have a vacation with his family for a wedding planned for July. no moving would take place until then and yes we'd probably get a place together....
  7. Occasional lurker
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    #7
    Eh, like AM said it's a personal choice...personally I think it's soon, considering the friends/family are against it and you haven't spent much time together since discussing a relationship it doesn't seem wise and I would advise you to wait till he's been home 6 months just to make sure it still feels right to you.

    Just my opinion and I wish you the best with whatever you two decide

  8. Feelin' fly like a Cheesestick
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    #8
    Honestly the biggest thing I'd ask is--what kind of commitment is this to him? Is this a "we're boyfriend/girlfriend, this would make things easier, who knows where the future will take us, we can always move out if things don't work out" thing or are you guys for sure planning on getting married? I moved with DH before we were married or even officially engaged, but we knew we were getting married--had talked about it length, made plans, etc. It was already something we had both committed to. It wasn't a trial run to see how things would go. That would probably be my biggest deciding factor.

    Good luck with whatever you decide!
    Beth, Mama to Emmalee (12), Evan (9), and Ella (4 on May 7) (I really REALLY need to update my picture!)
  9. Senior Member
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    #9
    I agree with the rest who say it's a personal decision you have to make.
    Only you can make this decision for yourself.

    My opinion on it - I'm not going to move across the country, or even across town for a boyfriend I want to be in more of a commitment before that happens. I also don't have a doubt in my mind that my boyfriend and I will work out because we are so in love, but no one can predict the future. For me, it would be a bad decision to pick up my life and move for someone who hasn't made his mind made up about me enough to put a ring on my finger and start planning to spend the rest of his life with me.
  10. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #10
    I personally packed up and moved 10 hours away for my boyfriend, despite many people thinking that I was crazy and it was a bad choice. I do agree, that YES I was a little crazy, but I knew in my heart it was the right decision. We moved in together when I moved to where he was, and that was oh about 3 months after he came home from deployment. So I say that if YOU feel like its the right decision, do it


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