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Thread: I annoy myself so much

  1. Senior Member
    Jadeey's Avatar
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    #1

    I annoy myself so much

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    Here's the story, it's long and I'm not actually looking for advice. I just want to complain about how much my own insecurities annoy me.

    DB is away at the moment on Pre deployment training. He's been there for 2 weeks now. He happened to have a day of leave last Sunday and flights were cheap so I flew down and spent Saturday night/Sunday day with him.

    We thought that was to be his last day of leave. BUT then on Friday night of the week just been we were texting and he happened to mention that he had the weekend off. He also mentioned that he was going to the movies with his ex girlfriend (who lives down there) on Saturday night.

    I'm not sure what it was, a combination of knowing his deployment is fast approaching and the jealousy of knowing he'd be hanging out with his ex I guess, but I couldn't handle it and on Saturday morning asked him if he'd mind me flying down again. (Flights weren't cheap, but I told him they were)

    He said he'd love to see me and that it was up to me. I went off to the gym to try and clear my head and decide what to do. I came back from the gym knowing that come Monday I would prefer to have spent the weekend with him than have the money still sitting in my account so I told him I was going to check out flights.

    Suddenly he messages me saying, 'There's only 3 weeks to go until I'm back'. I replied asking him if he was saying he didn't want me to come down after all and he called and said that even though he wanted to see me, he thought it was a waste. That he'd have to interrupt our time together to go to the movie with his ex (!!!) and some packing for the field training he's going on from today.

    I got really upset and we hung up on a sour note. I couldn't just leave it at that (because I just cannot let things go!) so I sent him a text saying, 'how about I come down but get a flight home at 2.45pm on Sunday so you still have time to do your work stuff? I just really miss you and with your deployment looming hate the idea of missing an opportunity to see you.'

    He replied that I could come if I wanted to. So I talked to some people to get their opinion and everyone said to go.

    I did go and he was angry when I got there, but also happy to see me. We had a great weekend in the end (and he canceled on his ex) but he never stopped reminding me that I'd pretty much forced him into letting me come down.

    Plus, now DB is worried I'm not going to be able to handle his deployment. I tried explaining that I was fine until I knew there was a possibility of seeing him. When he's in Afghanistan of course there's no possibility of me seeing him so I'll be fine. I'll be sad, but i'll cope.

    Anyway, as I said, I just wanted to have a moan about how much I can't stand myself sometimes. I knew he would rather I didn't go down and yet I couldn't help but push the issue. Why couldn't I have just been happy to move on and not worry about it?

    Plus, why do I get jealous of this particular ex when his best friend is also his ex and I never have an issue with him spending time with her? I drive myself insane!
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    Wow sorry that was even longer than I thought it would be. Kudos to anyone who read it!
  3. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #3
    Well I read it ... personally I would probably feel jealous too about him hanging out with his ex, but from your post it sounded like that's something that's acceptable in your relationship, so I think either you have to have a talk with him if it's not OK, or grin and bear it if it is.

    About going to visit him, if he had already made plans to see a movie with his ex before you came down there, I don't think it would be fair to ask him to change that because you decided to buy a last minute plane ticket. But he also needs to work on his communication - either it's ok for you to visit or it's not. Obviously he can't stop you from buying a plane ticket but he did come off as really wishy-washy.

    For later, I think if you are this frustrated with your insecurities, and the fact that you are so insecure is causing you to do things that are harmful to your relationship, maybe it is time to consider getting some help in dealing with those issues? And the fact that you're working on being less insecure will probably make your DB feel a lot better about how you're going to handle his deployment.
  4. Senior Member
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    #4
    This particular ex he hasn't seen since they broke up - until he got down there on his pre-deployment training. I don't know why I feel jealous of her when I don't about his best friend, but somehow I do. I trust him though and know my jealousy/resentment is my issue so am trying not to complain that he's been hanging out with her a lot the past couple of weeks.

    As for the getting help, I think you are right. Thanks. I've considered seeing someone about it on and off over the years but never actually done anything about it. It really is time to stop just thinking about it and go do it.

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