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Thread: Seperation... with 3 kids...

  1. Junior Member
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    #1

    Seperation... with 3 kids...

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    So here is my story:

    My husband and I have been married for 4 years and we have a 3 year old son. We conceived my son when we were broken up and then got back together. Our relationship has never been perfect and we have fought a lot during our marriage. He is very selfish and has never been the husband that he needs to be.

    So I was thinking about leaving him a few months back and well... it turns out that I got pregnant again... with twins... so everything was fine for a while and recently it has just gone back to how it has always been. My husband lies to me, does not let me spend money (he thinks the money is his), and only cares about himself. My needs and considerations do not matter in this marriage.

    I am torn because I have two children on the way. Should I stick with him and try again (and again) knowing that it will never change...? Should I move in with my mom and start all over? I am scared to start all over because I will have three children. But I also do not want to live my life like this when I could be with someone who loves me and my children.

    I feel that he has changed me and controlled me all throughout our marriage. I have no confidence and I feel like I lose part of who I am everyday that I am with him...

    Thanks for listening!
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    #2
    One question. Do you think that the environment that you are living in is healthy or a positive environment for you or your children?

    I cannot give you an answer, separation / divorce is only something that you can decide. I will tell you, I am currently going through a separation / divorce from someone who sounds a lot like your husband. It has been painful and hard but I KNOW without a doubt that it was the best decision that I ever made.
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  3. michelle
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    #3
    i always tell my friends do what you think is best for you and your children thats all that matters
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Kris View Post
    One question. Do you think that the environment that you are living in is healthy or a positive environment for you or your children?

    I cannot give you an answer, separation / divorce is only something that you can decide. I will tell you, I am currently going through a separation / divorce from someone who sounds a lot like your husband. It has been painful and hard but I KNOW without a doubt that it was the best decision that I ever made.

    Sometimes it is but for the most part, no. He treats our son differently than me... I feel like he does not respect me at all...

    I just hope that if I do go on with this that it will be worth it in the end because right now I am not so sure about how it will turn out.
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    #5
    I agree with Kris, and was in your shoes three years ago (though 1 child...but I don't think the number of children should effect your decision). Like Kris I am in the midst the divorce at last, and all I know is that leaving him and that prison of a marriage was the single best decision I made in my life!

    blessings on making your decision I will keep you in
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Laura1773 View Post
    Sometimes it is but for the most part, no. He treats our son differently than me... I feel like he does not respect me at all...

    I just hope that if I do go on with this that it will be worth it in the end because right now I am not so sure about how it will turn out.
    Your son will see him not respecting you. That is messed up.

    Getting your self respect back and raising your children in a healthy environment is always worth it no matter if there is pain involved at least you will remember that you are worth something.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by QB77 View Post
    I agree with Kris, and was in your shoes three years ago (though 1 child...but I don't think the number of children should effect your decision). Like Kris I am in the midst the divorce at last, and all I know is that leaving him and that prison of a marriage was the single best decision I made in my life!

    blessings on making your decision I will keep you in

    So it was worth it...?
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Laura1773 View Post
    Sometimes it is but for the most part, no. He treats our son differently than me... I feel like he does not respect me at all...

    I just hope that if I do go on with this that it will be worth it in the end because right now I am not so sure about how it will turn out.
    Do you respect yourself? Do you want a different life? Do you want better for your children? All question you have to ask yourself to figure out if you stay or go. BUT if you go...then you have to stick to that decision and not be wishy washy.
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    #9
    I am sorry to hear that you are in the situation you are in... I myself went through trials and tribulations in a relationship with a child and I chose to get out. Granted at the time I only had 1 child, so it was relatively easy.

    1 question you have to ask yourself is do you love him? If you love him enough to continue in misery then so be it. Maybe counseling could help? However, if you would only stay for the kids and or security, it'll only worsen. Marriage should be about love and also equality. If he is selfish, unsupportive and inconsiderate of your needs, he is probably not worth fighting for.

    Starting over can be such a scary thing, especially with 3 small ones. If you have your family's support, then utilize them to help you regain your strength and the person you once were, or possibly a new, stonger independent you. Think of your children, and what type of environment you want them to grow up in, as this will shape and mold the type of people/spouses they will be.

    I personally, thank God that I chose to end my previous relationship because I eventually found my Hubby, and he is one of the greatest gifts I've ever recieved. My life is the happiest its ever been.

    Everyone has different experiences so you just have to know what you want for you and your childrens future. Remember that when one door closes, another will always open. God Bless
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    #10
    BlinkyBear hit what I was about to say right on the head. If you do leave, leave. Don't even have taking him back as an option. The back and forth is not good for you or the kids. My ex has been trying to get me back, I have gotten to the point the only way he can even try to contact me is through my lawyer or through email because he was so out of control. You have to be strong it is not easy.
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