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Thread: in your opinion...is this crazy??

  1. life is like a box of chocolates...
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    #1

    in your opinion...is this crazy??

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    ok so this might be kinda long and has a little bit of a venting aspect, but i swear i really have a question that i want your opinion on so just bare with me

    back story: male best friend, we've been through hell and back together, but then DB and i get together and best friend can do nothing but criticize and question. i know he's only looking out for me, but after the first few months of hearing this stuff, it's getting on my nerves. well best friend has been MIA lately, never calls or texts or chats with me anymore. until today the following conversation occurred on gchat after he asked how me and DB were doing....

    friend: haha you are old and decrepit
    me: well see? then it's a good thing i found someone now, before i became a lonely old cat lady lol
    friend: i still think you will be
    me: jerk! i will not!
    friend: hahaha
    me: unless he dies in the desert or something, we'll probably end up married in a few years lol [side note: sorry if this bothers anyone but this is how DB and i cope with things, we make it a joke and laugh about it]
    friend: what the f***!?! dude chill the f*** out!
    me: dude it's a joke lol
    friend: i was about to say. gonna go nuts on your a**!
    me: he is not gonna die in the desert. or at least i hope he doesn't lol
    friend: WTF? im talking about the married thing
    me: oh the married thing. oh that's for real lol. it's not like i'm running out and marrying him as soon as he gets back. oh hell no. we're not engaged or anything, but we have talked marriage and futures and kids and all that jazz
    friend: how long have you been officially dating now?
    me: i dunno like 6 or 7 months. and yes i know that is hella short but again i will repeat that i have known this guy for 10 years now
    friend: that doesn't mean anything. friends with someone is different from dating someone
    me: and like i said it's not like we're getting married tomorrow lol
    friend: but hey, its your life not mine
    me: we're talking in a few years
    friend: but the thing is i don't want you getting yours hopes up that this guy is for sure the one

    the thing is DB and i are like peanut butter and jelly. we just go together. and sometimes the sandwich isn't perfect (because neither of us are), but it always tastes good (sorry for my lame analogy but what can i say ). i'm not psychic so i don't know what the future holds but the thought of a future with DB makes me pretty freakin happy and while there has been no proposal or timeline, it's kind of a given between us that one day we'll get married.

    so finally time for the questions! i know every relationship is different, but how early into your relationship did you and your SO discuss marriage? and if you are currently married, how long after you started dating did you and your SO get married? what was the reaction of your friends and family? in your personal opinion, is there a "too soon" to be talking marriage? aside from time, what characteristics of a relationship do you feel should be assessed to determine if you're ready for marriage?
    if you can find a path with no obstacles, then it probably doesn't lead anywhere....


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    #2
    But, on your friends behalf, he's just looking out for your best interest at heart.

    DB and I discussed marriage about 6 months in. But now that we're over a year in, we don't even THINK about talking about marriage. The first 6-7 months is the honeymoon phase. IMO, it takes a alot longer than that to KNOW if you're ready to be with someone for the long haul. I don't think there is a "too soon" because if you have diffferent views on marriage, family, and children, then it's good to go ahead and express those so that if you AREN'T on the same page, the relationship can part amicably. But, I also don't think people should run off and get married while they're in the whole "Googoo" phase over the relationship.

    Not sayin' you are, because you obviously stated yall will wait, but just in general!
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    #3
    I am thinking your friend wants to me more than a friend. Even though he may not admit it KWIM


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    #4
    DB and I have been together 4 months and known each other 6 before that, we're all ready LIGHTLY mentioning it more and more.

    With my exDF, we were together for about 6 months before it was even talked about (we were also REALLY young) I had a promise ring for 6 months and then got an engagement ring after that, and honestly, I'm so much closer to DB then I ever was to exDF. Its all a matter of how well you click like you said PB&J
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by SandyKay View Post
    I am thinking your friend wants to me more than a friend. Even though he may not admit it KWIM




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    #6
    DB and I talked about marriage a little bit around 6 months. Then it kind of grew from there. Now we've been together for a year and a half and we are most likely getting married at some point when he gets back from his deployment. We're both just crazy about each other . I would say six months is a good time to start talking about marriage and life goals to make sure you're compatible. Honestly I think everyone is different and when you know, you just know.
  7. Finally a Pharmacist and Wife to a Civilian!!
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    #7
    DB is the peanut butter to my jelly, so I completely understand. We've officially been together 6 months tomorrow (). But we've known each other 8 years now (since HS) and we were talking and pretty close a while before we started dating. Even when we first started dating we joked about when we were married and with children. Since then we have seriously talked about it and have a time-line for our lives. It includes like 3-5 years until we're married and 7-10 before children. Our parents consider the other as part of the family and all of his buddy's think we'll be married with kids in like a year (hah! yeah right). It's like once we got together everyone around us just knew it was good. Some of my friends are a little more hesitant, but a lot of people see how happy we make each other and are really good about it. Honestly, I think people that give you crap for talking about it are just jealous. I think they want what we have. And it's good that your comfortable enough in your relationship that you can talk about it and not want to rush it.
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  8. life is like a box of chocolates...
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by SandyKay View Post
    I am thinking your friend wants to me more than a friend. Even though he may not admit it KWIM
    good lord i hope not! it freaked me out that you said this cuz DB and female best friend both think this too.

    but like some of you other ladies have said, it seems logical to discuss views on the future relatively early in the relationship (seems like some of you also had the future-type conversations right around the 6 month mark), because if they're not compatible then there is definitely some thinking to do regarding the future of the relationship...
    if you can find a path with no obstacles, then it probably doesn't lead anywhere....


    i love me some RED HOT!!

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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by SandyKay View Post
    I am thinking your friend wants to me more than a friend. Even though he may not admit it KWIM
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by SandyKay View Post
    I am thinking your friend wants to be more than a friend. Even though he may not admit it KWIM
    as well.

    I don't remember EXACTLY when we started mentioning it, but when we started dating he was 17 and I was 18...so we were pretty young. It was probably somewhere around the 7-9 mo mark I think that we first started contemplating it
    I don't think it's something that's the same for everyone though, so many people get married after dating less than a year and are amazingly happy for the rest of their life. It's just a couple-by-couple matter, KWIM?
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