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Thread: In need of advice!!

  1. Steph
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    Neutral In need of advice!!

    DH and I have been together for 5 years, we just got married this past March. When we first got together he could be really sweet, do nice things, say nice things. He is a great guy but he has lost his "charmer" affect. I almost feel like he doesn't try to charm me anymore. On the other hand I think I am being a big baby and need to get over it! I almost feel needy, I am needy for some affection. I hate that I am so needy and I do not know why I am. I know that it bothers him but I just can't seem to fix it.

    I have never admitted this to anyone really but him. Sometimes I almost feel as though he married me and thinks okay were married, end of flirting and being romantic. Ugh...I know I am probably making no sense I just wish DH was a little more affectionate and romantic and I wish I wasn't so needy. Am I being pathetic? Needy? Overreacting? Please any advice would be great!!
  2. Senior Member
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    I think the feeling is normal whenever the "newness" of a relationship wears off. My biggest piece of advice is to try and realize what he DOES do instead of what he doesn't do. DH was in BMT/tech school for 11 months starting 2 months after we got married. We had been dating for 8 years. The absence made me realize all the little things that I appreciated, and made me realize how much the stuff that I would get upset about didn't matter.
    Honestly, this sounds lame, but I have realized that my DH isn't a mind reader. He has more on his mind than remembering to be romantic. So whenever I am feeling down and need a hug, I literally say "I need a hug". He'll usually realize that I'm in need of some attention or conversation. It works for us.
    Maybe just try to adjust your expectations. Recognize that your DH may be doing some really awesome things for your relationship even if they aren't the lovey dovey romantic things that used to happen. And above all... communicate!
  3. Just your everyday, laidback Aussie Girl
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    Dh was a "gentleman" when we first met in person (open car door), hold seat out for me, etc), he doesn't do it soo much anymore. I know for me the kids play a major part in that, but I do think about it and have spoken to him about it. Just talk to him, ask "why don't you ..... anymore?" He probably doesn't realize.

  4. Senior Member
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    Some of this is natural, when you get married some of the glow goes away. I would say you guys have only been married for a little while so there should still be some lovey dovey-ness. I can't tell if you have reason to be upset, as you did not provide details. Marriage has to be worked at so you have to work at the romance sometimes, and continue to "date/court" your spous.

    Are you still the same? Do you do the same things you did prior to 4 months ago, or have you slipped into routine also? Perhaps you should start with yourself, see if there are things you could do to spark more excitement.

    If you feel like you are whining the best thing you can do is stop. You know better than anyone else if this is true. No one person can complete you, you must continue to grow as a woman, learn new things and have new experiences, this will keep your spirit fresh and alive as well as your marriage.
  5. Senior Member
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    I don't know - I would be upset if DF stopped his sweet things. I think that's normal to still wish for some of the romance.

    Finally together in Okinawa and ready to start some new adventures together!
  6. Senior Member
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    This happend to me and DB. When we hit the 1 yr mark, he totally stopped doing what he was doing. I sat down with him and told him that I realize we have been together awhile, but I don't want us to ever get into that old couple affect and still do sweet stuff for eachother and have fun. If you just tell him how you feel, I'm sure he will understand. Everybody goes through that phase where you get comfy and get into a path where you feel like your in love and you don't need to make them love you anymore. Just express your feelings and I'm sure you will get far and he'll be sweeping you off your feet in no time.
    I My Soldier

  7. La vie boheme
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    I know how it feels.

    DH and I are pretty open about how we've changed since we first together for the better and worse. We try to work on those little things together because honestly you're needs are just as important as his.

    I'm sure he just doesn't realize how you feel lately. I read in this book that men love to chase and women like to be chased (aka little sweet things) but after time those things fade and both parties feel "blah....". I sat that book with a book mark on that exact page next to the toilet so DH would read it.

    Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. - 1 John 3:18
  8. Anchored2aSailor's Avatar
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    If you don't tell him that you miss the playfulness or romance, he may think that you don't need it. A lot of men are all about the chase, but once they catch who they want to be with, they don't really know what to do. Honesty is the best policy in this case, share how you feel with your husband, and encourage him to share his feelings with you.
  9. Not even the Army can shatter my spirit.
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    I think its part of the growing together process. DH and I just had a conversation about this the other day because DH was a totally different person when I met him.... 12 years ago. We have only been married just over 1 year, and he was deployed when we first became romantic, so they are all sorts of gushy (as you may know) during that time period. DH just told me its not who he is anymore after all that he's seen and has been through.

    We all change. We all go through things that change us, for better or worse. We all grow up and out of our old ways. Talk to him, but look at things he does do and ways that he's changing now that he's confident and comfortable enough to not have to try and charm you.

    Sometimes I do think of the charm as a way to express their desire to keep you all to themselves and not lose you to the next guy that can charm his way to his heart. Once you're married, he's got ya! Not as much charm is necessary.

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