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Thread: Trusting..

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    #1

    Trusting..

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    Okay so as you may all have known back in March my then fiance broke up with me told me he wanted to marry me and spend the rest his life with me.He said he would never leave and that i was the only girl for him...well since that relationship that went down in flames i cant trust a WORD anyone says anymore..including my boyfriend which he has been nothing but sweet. I think im going crazy! It like i need reasurance like once week that we are okay. Am i ever going to get better? i dont want it to ruin this relationship nor be one of those crazy girlfriends either.

    so i need some advice will i get better in time? i need to trust again.
    Everything happens for a reason...
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    #2
    i don't have any advice but i'm kinda going through the same thing.

    my issue is not so much that i don't trust the guy i'm dating. i trusted my last boyfriend completely.

    it's that i don't trust my own judgment. i was SO sure i was going to marry and live happily ever after with my heart breaker of an ex boyfriend. i would have honest to god put my life on it. i just knew we were meant to be together and that he was my soul mate. and then he ended up being the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

    i'm still scared that something i was so sure of and worked so hard at completely shattered into a million pieces.




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    #3
    Here's how I feel about trust after betrayal: You won't just eventually get better without effort. If you want to trust your new SO, and he's given you no reason not to, you have to WORK at trusting. You have to actively choose to trust. When he's not around, push suspicious thoughts out of your head by thinking about something else. Don't let yourself call him when he goes out without you. Don't let yourself snoop if you get the opportunity. I believe that trust is, in part, a choice, and a deliberate action. If you want to learn to trust, practice it. It won't come all by itself, but it will come easier the more you choose it. It takes time and hard work, but you can get there, I promise!
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Whitney. View Post
    i don't have any advice but i'm kinda going through the same thing.

    my issue is not so much that i don't trust the guy i'm dating. i trusted my last boyfriend completely.

    it's that i don't trust my own judgment. i was SO sure i was going to marry and live happily ever after with my heart breaker of an ex boyfriend. i would have honest to god put my life on it. i just knew we were meant to be together and that he was my soul mate. and then he ended up being the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

    i'm still scared that something i was so sure of and worked so hard at completely shattered into a million pieces.
    Yeah thats how i felt with my exDF i trusted him a 110 percent and he not only broke off everything but he also cheated on me when he came home from Iraq.
    I know for a fact that DB would never cheat on me but i always worry if he REALLY wants to be with me. Im driving myself crazy
    Everything happens for a reason...
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Loving View Post
    Here's how I feel about trust after betrayal: You won't just eventually get better without effort. If you want to trust your new SO, and he's given you no reason not to, you have to WORK at trusting. You have to actively choose to trust. When he's not around, push suspicious thoughts out of your head by thinking about something else. Don't let yourself call him when he goes out without you. Don't let yourself snoop if you get the opportunity. I believe that trust is, in part, a choice, and a deliberate action. If you want to learn to trust, practice it. It won't come all by itself, but it will come easier the more you choose it. It takes time and hard work, but you can get there, I promise!
    Thank you it does take practice i just have to start. I have to stop all the negative thoughts. I feel like im going insane i was never like this with my exdf. I feel clingy and needy and thats not like me at all.
    Everything happens for a reason...
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    Quote Originally Posted by *BrownEyedGirl* View Post
    Thank you it does take practice i just have to start. I have to stop all the negative thoughts. I feel like im going insane i was never like this with my exdf. I feel clingy and needy and thats not like me at all.
    I know, it's pretty hard to take the first leap. It will get easier with practice!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Loving View Post
    I know, it's pretty hard to take the first leap. It will get easier with practice!
    I need a miracle I told DB that was only issue with me you wont like and it didnt seem to bother him he said i would get better in time.

    Its hard for me because i really truly deep down in my heart knew my EXDF felt the same way because he did this for me buy jewerly out of no where. Just everything you could imagine and then wake up one morning and tell me he is on the verge of moving out of no where!

    I know not every guy is like my ex DF just got to keep telling myself that.
    Everything happens for a reason...
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    #8
    It sounds like yea you've been burned... but only time can heal these wounds. Obviously there are warning signs, obvious red flags in some cases, but if he's a good man and you can't trust him because of what happened to you before then maybe you can talk to him and explain how you're feeling. A good man should take his time with you right?

    Loving is right though. If he hasn't given you a reason not to trust him, then don't find a reason not to, and sabotage a potentially great thing. Take it one day at a time, and remember that yes you're wiser because of your experience but that this man is NOT YOUR EX! Don't make him pay for the mistakes of your past relationship =)

    It's work hun. I am still having a hard time with that with DB.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Loving View Post
    Here's how I feel about trust after betrayal: You won't just eventually get better without effort. If you want to trust your new SO, and he's given you no reason not to, you have to WORK at trusting. You have to actively choose to trust. When he's not around, push suspicious thoughts out of your head by thinking about something else. Don't let yourself call him when he goes out without you. Don't let yourself snoop if you get the opportunity. I believe that trust is, in part, a choice, and a deliberate action. If you want to learn to trust, practice it. It won't come all by itself, but it will come easier the more you choose it. It takes time and hard work, but you can get there, I promise!
    I've been through/am going through the exact same thing, and she's right. It's a choice. My DB is AMAZING, but the least little things get me neurotic and questioning things. I just keep telling myself that he's not exDB and he's not going to hurt me. I remind myself of the sweet things he does, re-read sweet texts, and constantly tell myself that.

    It is helping. Making myself see this instead of asking him for constant reassurance has made things better.

    Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk!
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    #10
    IMHO it sounds like you may have jumped into this relationship before you gave yourself time to heal from your big heartbreak. When I went through a bad breakup I tried to date a guy pretty soon after and it didn't work because I still couldn't process or let go of what happened so soon before.

    It's normal to some extent to have insecurities. Especially when you start really falling for someone. It can be scary to let go of your heart and give it to someone. I freaked out a little bit when DH and I became an item because I was so used to being alone. Luckily, I allowed myself to take a leap of faith.

    You'll never know if you don't take the leap. Could you get burned again? Yes. Will it hurt like hell if you do? Definitely. Would you get over it? Seems
    like you got over the last heartbreak... that pain is tough but it's fast and rare.

    Stop questioning him because he can't make that guaruntee right now. You have to take the plunge, hold on tight and enjoy the ride. You'll never know if you don't dive in! Good luck!
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