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Thread: Sticky Living situation

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    #1

    Sticky Living situation

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    Okay ladies this might sound juvenile...

    My boyfriend/fiance got back from his deployment earlier this year. I currently live with my parents until i finish up my bachelors degree. I told my parents that my bf and i wanted to get our own place and my dad offered for him to move in with us. Why not? we wouldn't have to pay a thing except for our own groceries. Well he moved in, we slept in the same room and he moved almost everything in and kept some things in the barracks. After a while our relationship became monogamous. our sex like died down because we wanted to respect my parents and hold off. We had time to ourselves but living with my parents was something different, there wasnt any room for or relationship to grow as they do and most of the time should when you move in together. One night we had a few drinks and although he may claim that had nothing to do with arguing, my suborned attitude combined with his emotions made things break down on both sides as our relationship was on the verge of falling completely apart. He immediately packed all his things (tv a whole closet full of clothes, computer, motorcycles ect.) and left. emotions we high because we were certain we were meant to be together. So instead of moving forward in our relationship we took a few steps back and that night he moved back into the barracks. We didnt end our relationship but decided that when hes able to get his OWN place and I move in, things would be differnt. So the question is, does anyone think this is abnormal? Does anyone think that it was the fact that we lived together with my parents and getting our own place will be different? idk how to feel, we resolved our argument and are starting on a clean slate and btw weve been together 19mo's.

    thanks for hearing me out!
  2. I was a GREAT mom... until I had kids.
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    #2
    DH and i live with my parents (but not for long) and it's been horrible for our relationship. We have ZERO privacy and fight alot more about different things. I think you getting your OWN place, separate from your parents would help some.




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    #3
    ok yes, im glad im not the only one, youre totally right
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    #4
    Parents can definitely throw in a factor. If you love each other, which I believe you both do I think it would be good to at least try and live together without the parent factor. best of luck I hope it all works out.
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    #5
    I personally don't think living with your parents had anything to do with it unless you changed completely due to living with them. Based on what you said. But you never said how they treated you two after the bf moved in. Obviously your parents know/knew what was happening sex wise with you and him. I think being respectful with volume and in your faceness was good but no need to stop or nearly stop because of that.

    I can't say it will be different if you have your own place. It might it might not.
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    #6
    I think its harder if you're living together (and with someone else, other then kids - no matter who that other person is). You have to respect their privacy, deal with their issues on top of yours, and you don't get as much privacy. I suggest trying to figure out what, exactly, were the things that led to you needing to take this step back. Were they things related to living with other people (your parents) or were they completely unrelated stuff where you just argued constantly? That might help you figure it out!

    Finally together in Okinawa and ready to start some new adventures together!
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    #7
    My man and I both agree that staying with my parents was a big factor, we dont know how to explain it but it would be very different if we did live together in our own place where we can make our own house rules. our sex life definitely didn't stop we are just very respectful and discrete about it. in our own place at least we could let out a little
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Southern-momma View Post
    I personally don't think living with your parents had anything to do with it unless you changed completely due to living with them. Based on what you said. But you never said how they treated you two after the bf moved in. Obviously your parents know/knew what was happening sex wise with you and him. I think being respectful with volume and in your faceness was good but no need to stop or nearly stop because of that.

    I can't say it will be different if you have your own place. It might it might not
    .
    This. I believe everything happened because of the dynamic of your relationship. If you lived together I believe he would have A)stuck it out and kept fighting because there was a commitment he couldn't walk away from. And that's not a good thing. You should stick it out because you WANT to. Not because you rushed into a lease or a marriage. Living together WILL NOT fix communication or personality flaws, sorry.
    or B) He would have packed his shit and left anyway

    Honestly, it sounds like he needs to communicate better before you two get locked in a lease. A new place will NOT alleviate that behavior...in my opinion.
    I do wish you luck

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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by BrittanyLynn View Post
    I think its harder if you're living together (and with someone else, other then kids - no matter who that other person is). You have to respect their privacy, deal with their issues on top of yours, and you don't get as much privacy. I suggest trying to figure out what, exactly, were the things that led to you needing to take this step back. Were they things related to living with other people (your parents) or were they completely unrelated stuff where you just argued constantly? That might help you figure it out!
    To the bolded- a very good point. If you haven't lived together before, its a jump. I agree with southern-momma, it might change and it might not.

    Either way, best of luck to you and I hope you get it figured out before your locked into a new place and you realize its just not gonna work.
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    #10
    Living with your parents can add a stressor to the relationship, but I don't think you can say that it's the cause of the problems that you've had. That comes down to relationship dynamics and communication. I think that taking that step backwards is a very good move, and now you need to examine the relationship and figure out what the actual root of those problems were, even if it was the stress of living with your parents that caused them to rise to the surface. Marriage is going to bring on stressful times and you need to know how you're going to handle that as a couple if you want to be successful together.
    "Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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