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Thread: Moving In Together?: Pros and Cons (LONG)

  1. Air Force Girlfriend
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    #1

    Help Moving In Together?: Pros and Cons (LONG)

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    BACK STORY: One of two of DB's roommates moved out and they've need someone to fill that place for a while. DB idly brought this up to me about two times before, but I had already signed my new lease that starts next month. Also, and I didn't say, I'm worried about what moving together will mean. In my last relationship, I moved across the country to be with someone and it blew up in four months, so I promised myself I'd live by myself for at least a year to gain some of that tarnished independence back. I've had this place for eight months, but I lost my really good paying job two months ago and I have a slightly less paying job now. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to afford this place even with the student loan money coming my way. I called DB up to see (just to see) if they still had that spot open. He said he thought his other roommate may have someone lined up, but he'll see what he could find out. But I'm not entirely sure if we should live together yet. We've been together for ten months and three days. So...

    PROS OF STAYING IN MY APARTMENT:

    - Independence and a sense of accomplishment!
    - My fantastic location in downtown Madison, WI
    - My matching decor
    - Free furniture (furnished efficiency, y'see)
    - Air conditioning
    - DB and my relationship continues to grow safely
    - Gas is included in rent

    CONS OF STAYING IN MY APARTMENT:

    - Crippling loneliness (though I have a kitten, which leads me to...)
    - My cat is not supposed to be here
    - Really, really, really small space (297 sq. ft.)
    - Not enough space for all my things
    - No washer/dryer (I go to my mother's across town to do laundry every two weeks)
    - Earwigs, millipedes, centipedes, fruit flies up the wazoo, huge spiders...
    - Near a bar and deep in frat house country (too loud... )
    - Really stuffy
    - My rent is going up (only by $5 but I can barely pay as is!)
    - The tiniest kitchen and bathroom ever possible (seriously. take a look!).



    PROS OF LIVING WITH DB:

    - Our relationship takes a huge leap forward (kinda exciting, particularly because I have a marriage-bug right now)
    - Rent is $60 cheaper
    - They have a washer AND a dryer
    - I would have my own room (for independence's sake, y'know?)
    - More storage!
    - They allow cats! And kitten will have more room to live in!
    - I'll see DB more often
    - I'll still be close to the bike path that leads downtown
    - Quiet neighborhood
    - Larger kitchen and two bathrooms!
    - Closer to the lake
    - Internet is cheaper! (I pay $60-something right now, but they split theirs.)
    - It's an old house, which is kinda cool

    CONS OF LIVING WITH DB

    - We may find out we irritate the hell outta each other
    - We may end up feeling like it was too soon and that it ruined our relationship (I was living with my exboyfriend not even a year ago!)
    - I'd be moving in mostly for convenience, which is what I do not like the most - unless we have some serious talks about what this means to each of us.
    - The house is farther from my community college and job (though I could bike there, it'd be a b*tch and a half to do so in the Wisconsin winter - even then there are buses...)
    - I don't think his roommate likes me too much? (DB and I are kinda...loud. )
    - Kinda stuffy here too... And no air conditioning
    - I just don't want to be hurt again

    This is just me thinking aloud, but obviously I'm vying for some attention here. Comments, criticism, opinions, thumbs up, thumbs down most welcome.


  2. Air Force Girlfriend
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    #2
    Is it kind of annoying how long this is?


  3. Happy wife...happy life!
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by theonlyhenry2 View Post
    BACK STORY: One of two of DB's roommates moved out and they've need someone to fill that place for a while. DB idly brought this up to me about two times before, but I had already signed my new lease that starts next month. Also, and I didn't say, I'm worried about what moving together will mean. In my last relationship, I moved across the country to be with someone and it blew up in four months, so I promised myself I'd live by myself for at least a year to gain some of that tarnished independence back. I've had this place for eight months, but I lost my really good paying job two months ago and I have a slightly less paying job now. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to afford this place even with the student loan money coming my way. I called DB up to see (just to see) if they still had that spot open. He said he thought his other roommate may have someone lined up, but he'll see what he could find out. But I'm not entirely sure if we should live together yet. We've been together for ten months and three days. So...

    PROS OF STAYING IN MY APARTMENT:

    - Independence and a sense of accomplishment!
    - My fantastic location in downtown Madison, WI
    - My matching decor
    - Free furniture (furnished efficiency, y'see)
    - Air conditioning
    - DB and my relationship continues to grow safely
    - Gas is included in rent

    CONS OF STAYING IN MY APARTMENT:

    - Crippling loneliness (though I have a kitten, which leads me to...)
    - My cat is not supposed to be here
    - Really, really, really small space (297 sq. ft.)
    - Not enough space for all my things
    - No washer/dryer (I go to my mother's across town to do laundry every two weeks)
    - Earwigs, millipedes, centipedes, fruit flies up the wazoo, huge spiders...
    - Near a bar and deep in frat house country (too loud... )
    - Really stuffy
    - My rent is going up (only by $5 but I can barely pay as is!)
    - The tiniest kitchen and bathroom ever possible (seriously. take a look!).



    PROS OF LIVING WITH DB:

    - Our relationship takes a huge leap forward (kinda exciting, particularly because I have a marriage-bug right now)
    - Rent is $60 cheaper
    - They have a washer AND a dryer
    - I would have my own room (for independence's sake, y'know?)
    - More storage!
    - They allow cats! And kitten will have more room to live in!
    - I'll see DB more often
    - I'll still be close to the bike path that leads downtown
    - Quiet neighborhood
    - Larger kitchen and two bathrooms!
    - Closer to the lake
    - Internet is cheaper! (I pay $60-something right now, but they split theirs.)
    - It's an old house, which is kinda cool

    CONS OF LIVING WITH DB

    - We may find out we irritate the hell outta each other
    - We may end up feeling like it was too soon and that it ruined our relationship (I was living with my exboyfriend not even a year ago!)
    - I'd be moving in mostly for convenience, which is what I do not like the most - unless we have some serious talks about what this means to each of us.
    - The house is farther from my community college and job (though I could bike there, it'd be a b*tch and a half to do so in the Wisconsin winter - even then there are buses...)
    - I don't think his roommate likes me too much? (DB and I are kinda...loud. )
    - Kinda stuffy here too... And no air conditioning
    - I just don't want to be hurt again

    This is just me thinking aloud, but obviously I'm vying for some attention here. Comments, criticism, opinions, thumbs up, thumbs down most welcome.
    Is the lease you signed a renewal?!? Or is it for a new place? If it's for a new place then don't some of those pros and cons become null and void? If it's a renewal, why are you renewing for a place you can BARELY afford?!? And since you just signed a new lease, are you able to get out of it, without having to pay more $$$?
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria View Post
    Is the lease you signed a renewal?!? Or is it for a new place? If it's for a new place then don't some of those pros and cons become null and void? If it's a renewal, why are you renewing for a place you can BARELY afford?!? And since you just signed a new lease, are you able to get out of it, without having to pay more $$$?
    It is a renewal and I renewed it for a deal before I knew that my previous job was going to let me go. Rent was going up more (I can't remember how much, but it was significant) unless I renewed it at that time, then it would only go up five bucks. Since the new lease starts next month, I'm going to see what I can do to get out of it, starting with "I can't really pay you."

    My back-up plan is to move back in with my mother - temporarily, until I could find another place. DB is also being deployed in a couple of weeks, so then it would be me and roommate for two months. I don't mind that much. I think this should all be decided soon though. Dammit, me!


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    #5
    It seems like the pros of living with your db sound better then your living alone pros.
    esp with such a small place that your living in
  6. Happy wife...happy life!
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by theonlyhenry2 View Post
    It is a renewal and I renewed it for a deal before I knew that my previous job was going to let me go. Rent was going up more (I can't remember how much, but it was significant) unless I renewed it at that time, then it would only go up five bucks. Since the new lease starts next month, I'm going to see what I can do to get out of it, starting with "I can't really pay you."

    My back-up plan is to move back in with my mother - temporarily, until I could find another place. DB is also being deployed in a couple of weeks, so then it would be me and roommate for two months. I don't mind that much. I think this should all be decided soon though. Dammit, me!
    I dunno about you, but I would not enjoy living with DB's roommate if my DB was deployed. Awkward..........
    IMO, I would move in with your DB when he returns from deployment. After all, he IS deploying in a couple weeks anyway, so your pro of seeing DB more would become void...
  7. Air Force Girlfriend
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    Quote Originally Posted by marvies View Post
    It seems like the pros of living with your db sound better then your living alone pros.
    esp with such a small place that your living in
    I think what I am most nervous about is it being "too soon." We've been together for ten months though, and when he comes back from deployment, it'll be just over a year together. Do you think that is alright? I s'pose it does depend on how we feel and our own rhythms...

    How long were you together when you moved in together? (Open question.)


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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by theonlyhenry2 View Post
    I think what I am most nervous about is it being "too soon." We've been together for ten months though, and when he comes back from deployment, it'll be just over a year together. Do you think that is alright? I s'pose it does depend on how we feel and our own rhythms...

    How long were you together when you moved in together? (Open question.)
    I moved in with my husband after knowing him for 8 months. HOWEVER, I also had a ring on my finger and we got married 3 days later...
  9. Air Force Girlfriend
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria View Post
    I dunno about you, but I would not enjoy living with DB's roommate if my DB was deployed. Awkward..........
    Oh, for sure. It seems like the house is mostly empty though. The roommate works real late and has a lot of hobbies. So I imagine it'll be me most of the time in a big, old house. But DB mentioned that they may have someone lined up, he wasn't sure and is going to check in with roommate. So I think it's now or not for a long time.


  10. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #10
    I say live with your boyfriend. I think living with someone before marriage is a good thing because there are a lot of time that you HAVE to spend together and it shows whether your relationship will be able to withstand that challenge.
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