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Thread: Need feedback/advice about upcoming FFIL visit

  1. The Decider
    Brianna Banana's Avatar
    Brianna Banana is offline
    The Decider
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    Dec 2008
    Tempe, AZ
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    Need feedback/advice about upcoming FFIL visit

    For Father's Day, K is flying his dad out here for about a week to go motorcycle riding, see the Grand Canyon, etc. over the 4th of July.

    I will be attending a family reunion in KS that K wasn't able to get enough time off for, so that works well for both of us. We each get our bonding time with family. I fly back home on Tuesday night. FFIL will be here Thursday - Wednesday or Thursday, so I will have a day or so to spend with him while K is back at work.

    [Insert long history of conflict between FMIL and I here. She hates my guts for no ascertainable reason. See post history for entertainment. She has spread rumors about me, told K she prays daily for our relationship to end, tried to sabotage our relationship in multiple ways, etc. etc.] I am hoping that, since I have never had issue of any kind with FFIL, that he and I can bond, and he will go home and tell FMIL that she is off her rocker.

    K assumed that I would want to sit down with his dad and discuss all the issues FMIL has with me. I don't think that will be very productive, and I hadn't planned on that at all. I thought about just going out to lunch, doing some sightseeing, etc. and spending quality time together so when he goes home, he doesn't think of me as the woman that spewed rude things about his wife, but as the woman he's known all along as the [pretty awesome, if I do say so myself] soon-to-be-DIL.

    Feedback on both ideas? [I really don't think there will be any sort of sit-down discussion, unless the response is overwhelmingly that there should be one. He's staying in our home, and I don't like confrontation as it is. I just don't think that would end well, and he can't really speak for his wife. I'm not sure there would be anything positive to come from it.]

    Ideas for the time I spend with him alone? I have only spent time with him twice - when K and I were long distance. I flew to see him once, when we stayed at his parents' house. We also spent Christmas with his parents three years ago. I know he's an outdoors kind of guy, and really likes golf. I'm not a golf person, and there's no way I'm spending a July day in AZ outside. I thought about showing him around where I go to school, since Kyle will be attending there in the fall, but don't know that he would find that interesting.

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  2. I'm an enlisted 6-star General, Air Coast Force Guard
    Sally's Avatar
    Sally is offline
    I'm an enlisted 6-star General, Air Coast Force Guard
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    I like your idea, just hanging out with FIL and getting to know him. IF (IF!) he brings up MIL, ask him for his input and what you can do to make her more comfortable with you but otherwise, just enjoy the "good one" of your DF's parents!
  3. MilitarySOS Jewel
    LittleMsSunshine's Avatar
    LittleMsSunshine is offline
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    Oct 2006
    I probably wouldn't bring up the drama with your DB's mom. If he brings it up, avoid bashing his wife (even though she's wacko). If anything, charm him to pieces... and he'll go home thinking, "Gee... that Brianna girl is pretty neat!"

    As far as stuff to do... hmmmm... there are definitely a few fun places to do lunch around here. Does he like museums? OOH.... take him to Bass Pro Shop. There's also a PGA Superstore (golf) somewhere in Chandler.... Warner & Dobson maybe? You could also take him out to Falcon Field in Mesa... they have a small aircraft museum.
  4. Eternal Member
    heyyykooolaid's Avatar
    heyyykooolaid is offline
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    Jul 2008
    Rural black hole
    I wouldn't bring up the issues with your b/f's mother to his father. That's between you and her. If his father brings it up, then address it, otherwise, leave it alone. His loyalty is to his wife, so he might be getting all defensive were you to say anything negative anyhow. You don't need him on your bad side too. I'm sure he already gets an earful about you from his wife. Just enjoy the day you've got with him. Hopefully, he'll see that you're not as terrible as his wife is making you out to seem.

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