Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: ex has ruined me??

  1. Fresh Newbie
    blondee66's Avatar
    blondee66 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    6
    #1

    ex has ruined me??

    Advertisements
    I began dating my current bf not very long after my previous relationship. That relationship was for 4 years and probably the last 2 years at least was nothing but fighting and having to keep my guard up all the time because I knew what dumb ass move was coming next. So, my current bf is amazing. I never knew someone like him existed. We are in a long term relationship which makes things hard but its going perfect. Well, I am not a jealous person and extremely easy going. Not many things bother me. But sometimes he will do things, that maybe remind me of my ex? im not really sure, but I just get like this flash of my guard going up. He has done nothing wrong whatsoever so i really dont know why i feel like this. I just really feel like my ex is still controlling my life and he has completely changed that part of me and i hate it. I just dont wanna lose it and push him away...
  2. Feelin' fly like a Cheesestick
    BethM's Avatar
    BethM is offline
    Feelin' fly like a Cheesestick
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Silverdale/Bremerton, WA
    Posts
    9,770
    #2
    It takes time... but you're doing the right thing by being AWARE of the fact that you kind of automatically react the way you do and trying to stop it. I've been divorced from my ex for 2 years, but we were together for 9... and there have been times where I catch myself "expecting" something to happen the way it did with my ex, and I have to consciously remind myself that I can't judge DH based on what my ex did. I know it's hard and it takes a conscious effort every. single. day... but with time it will get easier for you to relax into the comfort of a healthy relationship and keep your guard down.
    Beth, Mama to Emmalee (12), Evan (9), and Ella (4 on May 7) (I really REALLY need to update my picture!)
  3. He said:"I see a beautiful angel and feel perfection!"
    GrumpyPants's Avatar
    GrumpyPants is offline
    He said:"I see a beautiful angel and feel perfection!"
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    We are both HOME TOGETHER!
    Posts
    9,676
    Blog Entries
    4
    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by BethM View Post
    It takes time... but you're doing the right thing by being AWARE of the fact that you kind of automatically react the way you do and trying to stop it. I've been divorced from my ex for 2 years, but we were together for 9... and there have been times where I catch myself "expecting" something to happen the way it did with my ex, and I have to consciously remind myself that I can't judge DH based on what my ex did. I know it's hard and it takes a conscious effort every. single. day... but with time it will get easier for you to relax into the comfort of a healthy relationship and keep your guard down.
    She is right!I was married for 6 years and at the beginning I did that with DF because I was scared to get hurt again but we have passed through that and our relationship is nothing compared to the one I had with my ex.
    DH:"I never thought I could Love someone the way I love you as much as I love you!"
  4. Senior Member
    nursejessica52's Avatar
    nursejessica52 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Virginia Beach, VA
    Posts
    2,463
    #4
    It takes time to heal from relationships like that. I know its hard, I have been through the same thing. The biggest thing I did was realize my ex can't control me and my DB is nothing like him and he is NOT him. You just need to realize that he is not your ex and that you shouldn't let him have control over any part of your life and I know its hard! I hope you feel better soon
  5. Senior Member
    GreenSoap's Avatar
    GreenSoap is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Fort Bragg
    Posts
    9,623
    #5
    Everyone is right...........

    Just keep reminding yourself that your DB is not your ex. Its only natural that when someone does something that reminds you of an ex (especially if its not a good memory), your guard will go up.
    Keep taking your relationship as it comes at you and learn to appreciate the type of person he is.
  6. Account Closed
    beautiful_is_taken's Avatar
    beautiful_is_taken is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    1,219
    #6
    Sometimes it takes awhile to make your "peace" with your past. The relationship scarred you, yes. But sometimes scars aren't so bad. They make us appreciate what we have and remind us of how far we have come. I know for a fact, had I not been through the painful relationship in my past, the mistreatments...I would not appreicate DH as much as I do. Because of my past I will never take him for granted. I know just how special he is and how lucky I am to have him. My past has made me both strong && humble.
  7. Senior Member
    Gingersaurus-Rex's Avatar
    Gingersaurus-Rex is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Columbia, SC
    Posts
    8,164
    #7
    I dated a guy for 3 years before DH. It was an awful relationship. AWFUL.

    I started dating DH less than 6 months after the breakup. There were somethings I expected that he would do the same as ex DB but eventually I had to realized that they were two COMPLETELY different people!

    You just have to realize that for yourself. It can be done, and when it is done...you'll be so much happier.

    It's impossible for people to "ruin" you. You unfortunately are doing that to yourself, so take control!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •