TMI...anyone know about vaginismus? - Love Shack

Kitten35 · 02-17-2009, 09:46 AM

This probably belongs in pillow talk, but I can't get in that forum yet as I don't have enough posts. I just wondered if any of you ladies had ever heard of vaginismus and if any of you have had it. It's a condition where penetration is almost impossible; I think I have it and I don't know what to do about it. DH and I were both virgins when we got married, and although it was painful at first I expected that. But the pain still hasn't gone away, it burns when we are intimate, and he "hits a wall" more often than not, not allowing penetration beyond an inch or so--sometimes he can't even get that far. I don't think it's a hymen problem because I can use tampons (and have for years) and there are occasional times he can get deeper; I do think he broke it once when it was very easy. It's just not often that it is.

I talked to the gyno about it and she thought it was an STI; however, I know I don't have an STI as we have never slept with anyone else. She didn't believe me and just kept telling me to come back for STI testing, which made me angry because she wasn't really listening to what I was saying. Has anyone else had this condition? Do you know about it? What can I do? I've done some internet research and it seems like there is not really a treatment beyond dilators. Anyone have experience with this?

It makes me feel really bad because I feel like I can't provide DH with satisfaction, even though he says he'll stand by me and 'find other things to do with you' until we can attempt penetration again. I know he means it and I know he loves me, but it still makes me feel horrible, because it's almost like I reject him every time even though I don't want to.

Help?

Peekaboo · 02-17-2009, 09:57 AM

I would suggest talking to a counselor. I got this from my text book. But you can seek help for this.

When an attempt is made to introduce a penis or other object into the vagina, the woman experiences anticipatory anxiety, and some pelvic muscles may contract reflexively. It has traditionally been stated that this is due to a spasm of the outer vaginal musculature, although such a spasm has never been scientifically documented. In any case, the tension of vaginismus makes intromission nearly impossible or painfully difficult. Some women with this dysfunction seem to be fearful about sexual intercourse or other forms of vaginal penetration, and they have misconceptions about the delicacy of the vaginal lining, believing it can be easily injured. Some women with vaginismus are overly dependent on others or feel personally incompetent, although in general they do not seem to show unusually high levels of psychological distress.

That probably didn't help much. Sorry. I went looking in my book to see if there was any helpful information and didn't find anything but that... which is probably on the internet somewhere.

HisCupcake · 02-17-2009, 09:57 AM

Hey hun, maybe you should go to a different doctor?
How long have you been having sex for? it may be because you are new to it. Also do u get anxiety about having sex, you need to make sure you are totally comfortable and if you are contracting your muscles it wont go in. It might be because you are tensing up, if you do it will be impossible to penatrate.

Peekaboo · 02-17-2009, 10:00 AM

Found this caption under a picture depicting what vaginismus looks like:

Vaginismus might be caused by ignorance of bodily functions or might be considered a physical manifestation or a psychological fear.

Kitten35 · 02-17-2009, 10:09 AM

Well I read the psychological thing, too, but, the thing is, it's involuntary. I've never had sexual trauma or anything and am always very ready/lubricated by the time he's ready, so it shouldn't be a problem. I want to, you know, it's not like I'm afraid of entry or something. It's just that as soon as he enters, there's a lot of burning inside, it really hurts (I know some pain when new is normal but this hurts so much he often has to stop) and if he does get in any time he moves it's just like this incredible burning the whole way up the wall inside, which is very uncomfortable. The other day I just let him, but he couldn't get up any higher than about two inches no matter how hard he tried, and after I was so sore it was burning for a few hours. I think it's more than newlywed pain, and it's something I can't control. Has anyone had this or similar? The only other thing I can think of is it might be an allergic reaction to KY--sometimes, if we don't use it, it's actually easier than when we do; when we use it it burns more?

rcwant2be · 02-17-2009, 10:18 AM

Op, since your dr was rather rude (and that's uncalled for) I would make an appointment with someone else and tell then when you make the appt that you think you gave vaginisimus. Maybe even have your dh go with you so he can describe your situation from his perspective.

Kitten35 · 02-17-2009, 10:32 AM

Well he can't go along, as he's on a base and I'm at home, but we've had the same problems for a while. It's not supposed to hurt and/or burn, is it? I just talked to a friend of mine here at work and she said she and her DB had the same issue and she just let it hurt. But is that normal? That's not, is it?

Kitten35 · 02-17-2009, 10:33 AM

I mean, it's supposed to be fun, isn't it? :-)

Ma*Becca · 02-17-2009, 10:42 AM

Do you have discharge during the day?? I have some of the same symtoms your saying and no its not an SDI....my Dr said it was lack of estrogen and vaginitis! You might want to go to another Dr or do you have a planned parenthood over there?

Kitten35 · 02-17-2009, 11:05 AM

No, that's what's odd. I don't have any other symptoms of anything. It was actually Planned Parenthood that said they thought, more than once, that I should come in for STI testing. There is no pain any other time, only when we are intimate, and there is no discharge or anything wierd during the day--I have no itching or discharge or burning when urinating or anything like that. Mostly I just feel horrible that I can't seem to really allow my husband in there, because it's not him, and I feel bad that I am asking him to wait around for me. Has anyone used a dilator? Do you think that would help?

02-17-2009, 09:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
Kitten35 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 1,134 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 24%	TMI...anyone know about vaginismus? This probably belongs in pillow talk, but I can't get in that forum yet as I don't have enough posts. I just wondered if any of you ladies had ever heard of vaginismus and if any of you have had it. It's a condition where penetration is almost impossible; I think I have it and I don't know what to do about it. DH and I were both virgins when we got married, and although it was painful at first I expected that. But the pain still hasn't gone away, it burns when we are intimate, and he "hits a wall" more often than not, not allowing penetration beyond an inch or so--sometimes he can't even get that far. I don't think it's a hymen problem because I can use tampons (and have for years) and there are occasional times he can get deeper; I do think he broke it once when it was very easy. It's just not often that it is. I talked to the gyno about it and she thought it was an STI; however, I know I don't have an STI as we have never slept with anyone else. She didn't believe me and just kept telling me to come back for STI testing, which made me angry because she wasn't really listening to what I was saying. Has anyone else had this condition? Do you know about it? What can I do? I've done some internet research and it seems like there is not really a treatment beyond dilators. Anyone have experience with this? It makes me feel really bad because I feel like I can't provide DH with satisfaction, even though he says he'll stand by me and 'find other things to do with you' until we can attempt penetration again. I know he means it and I know he loves me, but it still makes me feel horrible, because it's almost like I reject him every time even though I don't want to. Help?

02-17-2009, 09:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
HisCupcake Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Sunny San Diego Posts: 2,657 Classifieds: (2) Activity: 16% Longevity: 21%	Hey hun, maybe you should go to a different doctor? How long have you been having sex for? it may be because you are new to it. Also do u get anxiety about having sex, you need to make sure you are totally comfortable and if you are contracting your muscles it wont go in. It might be because you are tensing up, if you do it will be impossible to penatrate. __________________ Wifey to MS234755

02-17-2009, 10:42 AM	#9 (permalink)
Ma*Becca MilitarySOS Jewel Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: San Diego Posts: 6,765 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 34%	Do you have discharge during the day?? I have some of the same symtoms your saying and no its not an SDI....my Dr said it was lack of estrogen and vaginitis! You might want to go to another Dr or do you have a planned parenthood over there? __________________ Doing my own thing

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02-17-2009, 10:00 AM	#4 (permalink)
Peekaboo Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 5,983 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 56%	Found this caption under a picture depicting what vaginismus looks like: Vaginismus might be caused by ignorance of bodily functions or might be considered a physical manifestation or a psychological fear.

02-17-2009, 10:09 AM	#5 (permalink)
Kitten35 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 1,134 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 24%	Well I read the psychological thing, too, but, the thing is, it's involuntary. I've never had sexual trauma or anything and am always very ready/lubricated by the time he's ready, so it shouldn't be a problem. I want to, you know, it's not like I'm afraid of entry or something. It's just that as soon as he enters, there's a lot of burning inside, it really hurts (I know some pain when new is normal but this hurts so much he often has to stop) and if he does get in any time he moves it's just like this incredible burning the whole way up the wall inside, which is very uncomfortable. The other day I just let him, but he couldn't get up any higher than about two inches no matter how hard he tried, and after I was so sore it was burning for a few hours. I think it's more than newlywed pain, and it's something I can't control. Has anyone had this or similar? The only other thing I can think of is it might be an allergic reaction to KY--sometimes, if we don't use it, it's actually easier than when we do; when we use it it burns more?

02-17-2009, 10:18 AM	#6 (permalink)
rcwant2be IMAFOX Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Seattle Posts: 13,523 Blog Entries: 4 Classifieds: (2) Activity: 0% Longevity: 42%	Op, since your dr was rather rude (and that's uncalled for) I would make an appointment with someone else and tell then when you make the appt that you think you gave vaginisimus. Maybe even have your dh go with you so he can describe your situation from his perspective.

02-17-2009, 10:32 AM	#7 (permalink)
Kitten35 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 1,134 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 24%	Well he can't go along, as he's on a base and I'm at home, but we've had the same problems for a while. It's not supposed to hurt and/or burn, is it? I just talked to a friend of mine here at work and she said she and her DB had the same issue and she just let it hurt. But is that normal? That's not, is it?

02-17-2009, 10:33 AM	#8 (permalink)
Kitten35 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 1,134 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 24%	I mean, it's supposed to be fun, isn't it? :-)

02-17-2009, 11:05 AM	#10 (permalink)
Kitten35 Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 1,134 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 24%	No, that's what's odd. I don't have any other symptoms of anything. It was actually Planned Parenthood that said they thought, more than once, that I should come in for STI testing. There is no pain any other time, only when we are intimate, and there is no discharge or anything wierd during the day--I have no itching or discharge or burning when urinating or anything like that. Mostly I just feel horrible that I can't seem to really allow my husband in there, because it's not him, and I feel bad that I am asking him to wait around for me. Has anyone used a dilator? Do you think that would help?