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Thread: advice please, if you're homophobic don't read.

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    #1

    advice please, if you're homophobic don't read.

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    so i tried to post in dear sos, but i think maybe it hasn't been approved because there are homophobes out there?? or perhaps operator error, who knows. but i did want answers so now i'm just gonna post this anyway without fear of judgment and people treating me unkindly. i am bisexual. i kissed a girl long before i ever kissed a boy at the tender age of 6. growing up in a christian household i was told gay people go to hell. i don't believe that anymore but occasionally i struggle with my bisexuality because i am married and he considers being with another woman cheating unless he was there to watch (awkward) or was involved (no way he's puttin his thing in anyone else). so basically we agreed that i just wouldn't do it. but i still struggle with it. i was wondering if anyone else was ever in my shoes, i know this might make some people uncomfortable but this is who i am. i go to gay bars more often than straight bars. most men disgust me. i love my husband and would never hurt him like that it's just a struggle. i don't want to be judged but if you're going to just know i can handle whatever you throw at me. so. lemme know your thoughts on this.
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    #2
    It's difficult to be monogomous when you're attracted to both genders. I don't have advice, but know that I've felt that before.
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    #3
    I'm in no way judging you about your sexuality. However, I just have a question. And it's probably a stupid question, but I can't help it...I'm kind of stupid when it comes to most things.

    I get that you're attracted to women. However, you married your husband because you are in love with him, right? Wouldn't the situation be the same if you were only attracted to men? I mean, if you are attracted to other people (no matter which sex they are) so much that you are struggling...well, I would have to wonder if something is "missing" from your marriage.

    Maybe I'm way off base here, because I'm not a bisexual, so I can't say I have any experience in this area.

    I don't have much advice, other than hugs. I wish I knew more and could help you.
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    #4
    I don't have advice but I would say to take yourself AWAY from temptations... Esp bars and what not... This is just my opinion you can take it for what you want but I think being in certain situation would make the struggle much more difficult. If you love you husband so much then the decision should be easy..
    I knew the moment I first looked into your eyes - before you ever kissed me, I knew whether you knew it or not, and no matter how long it took, you were the one for me. I didn't care what people said or what the odds were. I didn't pay attention to anything but to what my heart was telling me. "This is it," my heart said. "This is the one you've been waiting for!" And thats the way I've felt about you ever since.That's the way it still is every time I hear your voice on the other end of the line. It doesn't matter whether we're in or out of love at that moment. I guess that's cause we both know you'll always be mine and I'll always be yours. Thats what being in love is all about!


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    #5
    I'm not in your shoes and can't see things in your point of view but if you really want to be committed and faithful to your dh then you have to push your feelings for girls aside. Try not to go to gay bars as much. As for gay people going to hell I'm catholic and it is not allowed but I don't believe people go to hell for their emotions unless they are doing something wrong like committing suicide or something like that. Ya know? I will not judge you because I have friends who are gay and it's their life and they can do what they want. I'm still there for them no matter what.
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    #6
    The DearSOS thing has less to do with you and more to do with mods actually having real lives.

    As for the OP, no marriage is perfect. Basically it's just looking at it as there's more you want in your marriage then out of it.

    Are there things outside my relationship that I want that Andrew doesn't give me? Yes. But they're smaller than what I do get.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by cheerkelly View Post
    I'm in no way judging you about your sexuality. However, I just have a question. And it's probably a stupid question, but I can't help it...I'm kind of stupid when it comes to most things.

    I get that you're attracted to women. However, you married your husband because you are in love with him, right? Wouldn't the situation be the same if you were only attracted to men? I mean, if you are attracted to other people (no matter which sex they are) so much that you are struggling...well, I would have to wonder if something is "missing" from your marriage.

    Maybe I'm way off base here, because I'm not a bisexual, so I can't say I have any experience in this area.

    I don't have much advice, other than hugs. I wish I knew more and could help you.
    Also I agree with your DH about it being cheating. Why would it be ok for you to do something but not ok for your DH to be "puttin his thing in anyone else" I don't see it as being any different than you wanting to do something with someone of the same sex. I know you love him but maybe something is missing and that's why you keep going out to bars. Either cut all of that out if you are having problems or think about your relationship and if you want to stay with your DH or be with a girl. Good luck sweetie.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by cheerkelly View Post
    I'm in no way judging you about your sexuality. However, I just have a question. And it's probably a stupid question, but I can't help it...I'm kind of stupid when it comes to most things.

    I get that you're attracted to women. However, you married your husband because you are in love with him, right? Wouldn't the situation be the same if you were only attracted to men? I mean, if you are attracted to other people (no matter which sex they are) so much that you are struggling...well, I would have to wonder if something is "missing" from your marriage.

    Maybe I'm way off base here, because I'm not a bisexual, so I can't say I have any experience in this area.

    I don't have much advice, other than hugs. I wish I knew more and could help you.

    I agree... the fact that you are struggling is a sign that something is wrong with your marriage. Whether it is you are no longer attracted to your husband or that you are letting your curiousity get the best of you. You need to sit down and talk with your husband about what is going on... if you think it is just you and that you may no longer remain faithful, you must communicate your problem with him. It isn't fair to leave him in the dark.

    Of course we have all had the issues/insecurities of whether the relationship we are in is the right one but you have to overcome and decide the best solution. Usually we overcome and realize that our SO is what we want and we realize how rediculous we were for thinking differently! However, there are times that some realize that our SO cannot provide everything we need and we have to move on in another direction.

    Thing hard about what you are going to do! You will get through this and stay true to yourself!!!!
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    #9
    First off. I promise you that your dear sos didn't get posted b/c of any homophobe issues. It didn't get posted b/c all the mods and admin have very busy lives and probably havn't had time.
    Second I think you need to sit down and have a long heart to heart with yourself.
    Do you truly want to be with a man? It's ok if you don't. If you do truly want to be with him then you need to stop going to bars. If you are with a women it's cheating. No two ways around it. It just is. And he obviously sees it that way. It's hard I know this. But you have to find peace with it one way or the other.
    No matter what you have to choose the path that will make YOU happy.
    Good luck!!
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by cheerkelly View Post
    I'm in no way judging you about your sexuality. However, I just have a question. And it's probably a stupid question, but I can't help it...I'm kind of stupid when it comes to most things.

    I get that you're attracted to women. However, you married your husband because you are in love with him, right? Wouldn't the situation be the same if you were only attracted to men? I mean, if you are attracted to other people (no matter which sex they are) so much that you are struggling...well, I would have to wonder if something is "missing" from your marriage.

    Maybe I'm way off base here, because I'm not a bisexual, so I can't say I have any experience in this area.

    I don't have much advice, other than hugs. I wish I knew more and could help you.

    I agree, well said Kelly.

    to the OP I wish I had some advise but I agree with what kelly said.
    Navy Wife
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