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Thread: Our story, (long...sry!)

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    Cloud 9 Our story, (long...sry!)

    I wrote this back when DH was in BCT, it was Christmas day and I was feeling pretty lonely. I didn't get a phone call...which was disappointing. I had a lot of time to sit and think- and then I sat down and started to write and this is what came out...every word is true.

    I've never considered myself an artist, just someone looking for an outlet. It feels like screaming at the top of your lungs- a way to escape when I'm angry or upset, and in this case just the opposite. This story is more for myself to remember as I write but I'm putting it out there for anyone who cares to know or read it...

    I was fifteen at the time, and the rest of my life began with one bus ride. It was pouring rain that day and I had missed my bus home in a fit of bad luck that seemed to go on for weeks. I was alone as I sat there on a bench outside my school. The next bus had finally arrived and I reluctantly climbed aboard- I hated being the only one on the bus. It always felt somewhat ackward being alone, but I'm not quite sure why. I sat down and situated myself, and began to look around. It turns out I wasn't alone- there was a boy sitting across from me; sleeping with his hat pulled over his eyes. I've always been sort of a "people watcher", not because I'm judgemental but because everyone fascinates me to some extent. Something about him had struck me as different, but it a good way. It's that feeling you get when you feel like you have a connection with someone, even if you've never met. Call me crazy but I had a feeling I'd see him again. I sat there stuck in thought, and before I knew it he was gone- and I left to go home. To this day I can't help but wonder if there's a reason I missed my bus that day.

    There's a lot in between here. I started dating this guy I met through a friend, but I'm not going to get into that because it's irrelivant...

    A month or so later one of my friends had started going on about this guy she had a thing for, so naturally I told her to go for it. I remember the day I met him though, because I instantly recognized who he was...the boy from the bus, Tayler. I shrugged it off and they dated for a few weeks or so- and when they broke up I couldn't have cared less. I was too wrapped up in my own relationship to give a damn, and I had become a person I'm not particularily proud of. I finished my school year at Lourdes and switched over to West for my junior year.

    I started the next school year as the same careless person I had been the year before, and was still dating the same guy. I was self-involved to say the least. About halfway through the year I switched to gym class and I remember that day so vividly. I walked into the gym and sat down on the old wooden bleachers. I turned around and sure enough- Tayler was sitting right behind me. I can't remember who started talking first, but before I knew it we were talking and catching up like old friends. We had never been more than acquaintances- but it just felt different that day. (At this point I should mention that my old "friend" (his ex) and I were no longer close.) There was just this certain something about talking to him that brought out the best in me. Over the last half of that year we became increasingly close, and we both knew that we wanted to be more than just friends. I had even written him a letter explaining my feelings and he responded that he felt the same. However- I was still with my current boyfriend. Still...I couldn't help the instant attraction that I had to Tayler. I felt like a better person when I was around him. Before we knew it the school year had ended and we had all but stopped talking.

    That June my boyfriend had left for the Army, but it wasn't until after he left that I learned he had cheated on me. I was upset and looking for anything to do just to take my mind off of the situation. I headed over to the library the next day to pick up a few dvd's...but instead I found Tayler. Coincidence? Maybe. Of course we started talking again, and soon after we were meeting at the library every day. I loved being around him- but I wondered if he still had any feelings for me at all. Every day that we met I tried my hardest to muster up enough courage to say something, but I choked every single time. Finally I told him that there was something I needed to say. It was the day after he had gotten home from a Michigan race, and it was later in the day. We were out in the parking lot, and he refused to let me leave until he knew what it was that I wanted to tell him. He had picked up a shirt for me at the race, but said he would only hand it over if I said what was on my mind. My heart was racing and my mind was blank- how the hell was I going to tell him? Before I knew it I had kissed him. I had never been so scared in my entire life, so I backed up and tried leave- but he pulled me back and kissed me again. This has become my favorite memory from my life thus far. Even thinking about it, I still get that rush of adrenaline I had felt that day. From that day forward we were together, and spent that all of our time getting to know each other better and becoming closer. I have to admit, I fell completley in love with him that summer.

    That fall I started my senior year at West. It was a fresh start for me...I had a great boyfriend, new friends, and I was a changed person. Everything was going great for me until my "friends" decided that they didn't like Tayler. They filled my mind with negative thoughts- saying that he didn't treat me right. I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't true at all...but after hearing it for months I started to believe it. I did realize that I felt like he didn't care about me all that much, and as much as it broke my heart to do so- I broke it off. I was hoping and praying that he would try to make it work, but instead he just walked away. I felt like I had broken my own heart. I tried moving on but to no avail. We didn't talk anymore but I missed him so much, and I wondered if he missed me too. The end of the year came quickly, and I was at graduation "practice" when I saw him again. I was sitting in the bleachers at the Kolf sports center and Tayler had come in to pick up papers or forms...something like that. I saw him instantly and wanted so badly to run up to him. I held back and watched him leave a few minutes later. I thought about him that entire day, and after it was over I stopped by his house. We talked for hours- and I hoped he would say something to hint that maybe he wanted me back. Of course he didn't, so I left and went home. We did end up going to country USA that summer (just like the year before), but nothing happened there either- so I figured there was no use in trying anymore. We didn't talk much after that until the next year when we went to country USA again in '06. (I guess that's been sort of a tradition with us over the past few years.)

    It was later in the summer of 2006, after country USA. We hadn't talked since then. I received a call one night from his mom saying that he had gotten into some trouble. After that call all I could think about was whether or not he was okay, and that was when I realized how much I still cared about him. It was all I could think about for the next few weeks, and then I tried to move on again. I started dating one of my friends- Jack. That was a mistake from the beginning. I knew in my heart how much I still loved Tayler, but my head told me that it was time to let go. (Never listen to your head instead of your heart. It's STUPID. I know this now...) I though it was a good relationship...sure it had it's ups and downs, but at least I was trying to move on. I supressed all of my feelings and thoughts to the back of my mind. I forced myself to forget. I was doing fine...until a certain someone (Tom) came into McDonald's while I was working. He mentioned Tayler, and in an instant all of my feelings for him came rushing back.

    That's all it took- just the mention of his name. That night I logged onto my MySpace page (which Jack had persueded me to make about a week earlier), and sure enough- Tayler had an account. I sent him a message, and before I knew it we were talking late into the night. I asked him questions about why he had walked away the first time we dated, and I realized that he did care- more than I knew. We made plans to meet up a few days later. Seeing him again was like breathing again for the first time in a year. It hit me like a brick...I loved him more than I knew. We were driving around late one night, and I thought it would be funny to ask him if he could drive left handed. He asked me why, and I replied "Just do it..." As soon as he did I held his hand, and I can't even explain how it felt. It was happiness, assurance, many things. I knew then that I had to break it off with Jack. Now please don't get me wrong- I did care about him, but as a friend. I didn't mean to hurt anyone...I really didn't. You have to understand that had I stayed with him it would have hurt not only myself and Tayler, but Jack too. It had to be done. After a couple months it was over for good. I think it took so long because I really didn't want to hurt him. I'm still sorry for that, but you can't just cut off who you love. It's impossible...I know because I tried for years and it didn't work.

    Since then we've endured a lot, but I wouldn't trade that second chance for anything in the world. "True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." That couldn't be more true. You could say that our story is full of regret and mistakes, but I don't believe in all of that. It may have been a broken road- but the important thing is that we ended up together. The best things in life are the ones that you have to work hard for...but in the end they are more than worth it. I fell in love with him when we were together, then fell deeper in love during our time apart. Our story has only two parts- a beginning and a middle. There is no end. I love him more than I can even describe, so for those of you who are mad at me for the decisions I've made- shove it. Get used to it because I'm going to be with him for the rest of my life. But for those who stuck by me and never once judged my decisions...thank you so much. I means the world to me, and you know who you are

    And of course this story wouldn't exist if not for the person who makes my life worth while. I love you Tayler...forever.
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    leanne's Avatar
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    thank you for sharing. great story. we all have a story, each one is different. hugs!
    I feel the need to be petted too!

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