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Thread: Need some advice regarding ex's...

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    Confused Need some advice regarding ex's...

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    Well, I have been in a serious relationship with my DB for a 1 year and 3 months now.. We are very much in love with each other and talk about marriage in the near future. He is my first everything.. He has been in a few relationships in the past and was married before for a short time.. (it's a long story they married for companionship instead of love, she was unfaithful.. etc.)
    Well, I was at his family's house today and spent a great time with them.. my future niece was showing pics in an album of when she was small..
    I found one pic of my DB with his ex.. I had never seen her before and he asked me once if I wanted to see pics of her and I said no and asked him to throw them away, which he did. When I saw the picture, I had all these bad feelings inside.. a mix of feeling upset, angry, and sad.. not sure how to explain it..
    While we've been together.. I have sometimes felt upset when I think about the fact that he has a past. I guess since I don't and he is the only person I have been with that might be part of it.. but I am trying to work on letting go of the past.. but when I saw this pic.. I just kind of got upset. When I drove home I was crying.. and I know part of it is that I miss him so much.. and the other part is just seeing him with his ex.
    Am I too sensitive? I know I need to let go of the past.. but I wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this before or understands why I felt like that...
    What should I do? ...
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    #3
    Ugh, I've so been there It's hard to see your guy with someone else...
  4. Katiej
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    #4
    I think everyone's gone through a lil of that at some point or another. It is hard to think of your SO with someone else, and it stinks that it's not something that anyone can change. *Hugs*
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    #5
    That is a normal emotion and you are not the first. So first off, take comfort in that.

    John has a few exes before me, and sometimes that is SO hard to deal with. Knowing that someone else's hands were all over him before him, that someone else kissed his lips. I once saw one of his EX's myspace and got angry, sad, and jealous all at the same time. Because I am thinking "He is mine and he has been all along."

    So you're fine. This stuff happens, a lot.
    Though, I need to remind myself, and you do the same.
    That the past, is what it is, the past. It no longer exists, all that is leaves is a memory and a changed heart, hopefully always for the good. You cannot go through life looking at the past, because then you cannot see where you are headed.

    These things are hard to accept, but once you grasp that have loves you NOW, and wants to spend the rest of your life with you, than you know that it will be all okay. I don't like to talk about his past with him, because I find it uncomfortable, but sometimes you have to hash things out and make it clear and just move on. After that, your relationship with each other gets so much closer.

    Sorry to hear that, that was so hard for you.
    Love you!!


    Hill
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    #6
    Thanks you guys..
    I try to understand though that it's the past... He has told me before that if he knew I was coming in the picture he would have waited for me. He has also said that the experiences he had before have shown him how special I am because he sees the difference.. I'm not like anyone he's been with before he says. The pic just got me.. I know at the same time a major part of it is that I just miss him a lot.. I just had one of those moments where I kind of broke down.. I really want to be with him already
    I him so much that it really hurts being a part.
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    Girl I completely understand... I can't stand hearing about DB's ex-fiance. I don't care who is talking about her. It upset me quite a bit to know that she graduated with me this year... (her second degree, but still. she was at my graduation! ) Thankfully, DB didn't know (he was shocked when I asked if he knew... then told me he came only to see me...) I have never seen pictures of her with him... I'm not sure if he has any pictures of them together anywhere in his apartment (I don't even know if he has pictures of her at all... he has so many pictures just laying around... makes me wanna scrapbook real bad!) Anyways, just keep reminding yourself that he is with you, loves you, wants to be with you. it's hard, but you can do it!
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    #8
    Here is how I see it: he wouldn't be who he is without having loved his exes. And I wouldn't be who I am without having loved and been with other men. We grow and evolve because of every relationship. She had a role in making him into the man you fell in love with...So, don't be jealous, be grateful. And I don't mean that you have to like her or know her. I just mean appreciate where he's been because it got him to where he is: with you

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    Just remember YOU have him now
    for you!
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    I think it's understandable to feel like you do, especially if he's deployed at the moment. My boyfriend and I are both divorced and we've only shared a little of our previous spouse/relationship. I look at it as previous relationships have taught us things and helped shaped the person we are. But remember he's with you now!
    "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope". Jeremiah 29:11

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