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Thread: What does he want?

  1. DvlDogGal104
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    What does he want?

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    DB and I are approaching six months together. We were apart for almost four months in the beginning of our relationship and he's been home for about two. Things are going VERY well, we get along, have a great time together. I've never had a relationship like this before and I've never been this happy with someone. But we have little chit chats about the future and I'm not 100% sure what he wants. In the beginning, neither of us wanted to get married or have kids. Just be together. But.....

    Lately, as in the past week or so, he's been talking about "have my babies...", "don't you want one...", etc. I've got an 8 year old from a previous relationship and I'm not real excited about starting over. In addition, I'm not the world's greatest mother (I'm not real affectionate and kids really need that) and I don't think that having another child would be a good idea.

    Getting married is another thing, DB wouldn't have a child without getting married and has told me if we get married, he wants to have at least one. Now, I wouldn't mind being married, but I know I'm not ready for that. Nor do I know when I will be. I've talked about my "ideal time line". Being together one year, engaged for a year. But we're steadfastly approaching those "deadlines" and I'm afraid that he's taking them seriously and I've changed my mind. I'll tell him I feel differently, but I don't think he really believes me because "I'm a woman and that's what women want, to get married and have babies.". But I'm not so sure anymore. I could see myself married, but I'd want a long engagement, 2-3 years.

    But it's the baby talk that's getting to me. Is he serious? Does he want one? And does he want one now? He's been talking about deployment, how if they ask him to go, he'll do it. He's been home 2 months and has already been asked if he wanted to volunteer to go, so next time, he will. Is it because he knows his chances of deployment are good?

    Anyone else go through anything like this? How'd it turn out?
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    LoveKiss's Avatar
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    #2
    DB and I don't want any more kids, so that has nevber been an issue for us. But I think it is a somewhat common situation for guys to want to leave something behind, a piece of themselves (i.e. Junior), "just in case" something happens over there. DB and I tacitly decided to not make any big decisions until I've made it through a deployment. Maybe you can talk to DB and tell him you want to hold off on big decisions until you two have successfully made it through a deployment. That way, you know that you are strong enough as individuals and as a couple to live the lifestyle (even though he is reserves) for the rest of his time in. That could buy you both some time to think things through and not act rashly. The other option is to keep repeating yourself until it sinks in.
  3. Super Grammar Girl to the rescue!
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    My DH and I decided jointly that we are not having children. It's been up and down, back and forth, but we logically planned it out and discussed why it was not a good idea for us to have children.

    I think you need to sit down and really think about why you don't want children. If you just don't want anymore, that is okay. Does he have children already? If not, it's a lot to ask of someone to not have any children at all. If you have logical reasons why you two should not have children, you should talk them over with him. I'll give you our example:

    We are 23 & 25.
    We would not want children until after we both finish college and are in a job.
    We both desire advanced degrees.
    I will finish my BA next year.
    He will finish his BA in 2016.
    We should both have advanced degrees by 2018.
    At that time we will be 34 and 36.
    His parents will be 70 and 68.
    We would at that time be on the older side for having kids.
    We would need to start worrying about caring for his parents and what will happen in the future.
    I can do one or the other.
    I'm not really the mothering type. I like being the "auntie"

    You see what I mean? Once we laid it out like that we both agreed it didn't make sense to have kids at all.
    If you guys aren't able to come to a compromise about it, it may be something that is a deal breaker and makes you call it quits. Women do not all want to get married and have babies. If he said that, I think he needs to look at the modern world a bit more.
    PLAN: The only four letter word the Army doesn't use. -Me
    "If we were a CD, I'd put us on shuffle and repeat." - DH

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    #4
    I'd talk to him about it - if he's dropping hints about babies etc you at least aren't the one bringing up the subject. Some things like marriage and babies are "deal-breakers" for people - so I think it's important that you talk to your boyfriend about it. Good luck.
    "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope". Jeremiah 29:11

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    #5
    My husband and I have a 20 month old. For the last year we have been saying how we are NOT going to have anymore kids. I couldn't imagine having another child. I love my son but I just don't want anymore. I was going to get Essure a perment form of Birthcontrol while he was deployed. So after he deployed I was talking to him on the phone and I said Im going to sceduale a appointment to go talk to the doctor about Essure. He said "No don't what if we want another kid...I'd really like a girl." Okay...this was my face when he said that....!!!!!!!!!!!! My impression is that he has to much time to think about things while he is over there. He isn't thinking clearly and when he gets back here and has to take care of our son again he will remember why he doesn't want another kid! Also I think he didn't want me to get the Essure without him being here. (He doesn't like the thought of doctors looking at me "down there" unless hes here lol.) But anways...just thought I'd share.
  6. DvlDogGal104
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    Yeah, I'm trying to be consistent in my statements so I'm not giving him the wrong impression.

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