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Thread: Things to know before you get married?

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Things to know before you get married?

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    What are some things you should know before you tie the knot? What is something you wish you had known before you did? Did you and your SO have a talk before you discussing marriage or did they just pop the question?
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    #2
    When my dh proposed it was a complete surprise. We never talked about marriage-however I knew he was a keeper and hoped he would be my future husband. A few things I would definitely discuss is finances..,if you both work- who pays what, how much goes to savings...joint accounts are something you have to think about.. do each of you mind sharing each others income. Where will you live? If he's in the service and from a different state than your from who's willing to move away from their family when he decides to get out? Kids are a big one..how many and when. Thats just the tip of the iceburg. Marriage is a lot of give and take...and the best advice I received yet..PICK YOUR BATTLES! (Keep in mind, women love to dream about this stuff and they get overwhelmed with details, while men are simple minded and would rather worry about stuff as it comes along...good luck with your discussion!)
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    #3
    I think you should know each other's values and goals in life. (He doesn't want to have kids/she wants 10, she doesn't want to be a stay at home mom/he wants her to be one..) I also believe you should know about his family and growing up. It influences his life to a great degree. Also, his past relationhsips to a certain degree.

    If you know these basic things, you can make your decision whether it is something you can live with or not
  4. Super Grammar Girl to the rescue!
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    #4
    We talked about not getting involved, and not being serious, and not doing a lot of things for about 6 years. Then one night with the help of A LOT of liquid courage he asked. Poor guy has been stuck with me ever since.

    There are some things you want to talk about, but disagreeing doesn't always mean it won't work. It just means it takes more work to make it work. (wow thats a lot of work! )

    Religion, Politics, Health history, Family, Privacy (there are some things I just don't need his family knowing, KWIM?), Children, Finances, your Career, Length of time that he intends to stay in the military, schooling (yours or his), and other things I'm sure I have forgotten.

    There are lots of things I wish I had known but had to be learned from experience.
    PLAN: The only four letter word the Army doesn't use. -Me
    "If we were a CD, I'd put us on shuffle and repeat." - DH

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    Being part of "the military family" will really teach you to reduce your expectations of being kissed while you're getting f****d.
  5. Miss Puerto Rico
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    #5
    Things that you might want to know are probably...
    -kids, will you have any? how many?
    -Finances, who will handle them? separate accounts? together? How are your credit standing?
    -Religion, if this is important to any of you, are you both the same religion? if not compromise or decide which church to attend if any.

    mm that's all I can think of right now.
    Get to know each other, if you think you still have more to get to know, take your time.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by armyfiancee View Post
    I think you should know each other's values and goals in life. (He doesn't want to have kids/she wants 10, she doesn't want to be a stay at home mom/he wants her to be one..) I also believe you should know about his family and growing up. It influences his life to a great degree. Also, his past relationhsips to a certain degree.

    If you know these basic things, you can make your decision whether it is something you can live with or not


    Communication is the key to a healthy relationship knowing each others goals in life.. Knowing what the both of you want and always remember you will always be each others best friend.. And to be there for one another
  7. Is the Agony of LOVE
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    #7
    I think you should know eachothers goals, wants, beliefs, desires, and faults before marriage. That way you know what to expect but it still leaves a hint of the unexpected.

    Also I believe in going to bed angry.. that way you don't say things out of the heat of the moment but rather have time to sleep on it and think about it.

    I woke up and fell into this dream
    Happily ever after just took time
    Once upon this broken heart of mine

    this is the way a fairytale feels
    This is the way I know it's real
    'Cause this is the way a broken heart heals
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8O7sKdX3KJo
    ,(`), ,
    `.
    ♥♥N~+~J♥♥
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    #8
    Everyone has said some great stuff. A number one biggie is give him the respect he craves. If you respect your husband even when you don't think you can, he WILL love you more than life itself, if he was truely in love with you in the first place. It is so easy to get comfortable, especially after that first kid, to bark orders and treat him like a child. But don't give in to that. He wants respect and you want love. Respect him and he will love you.
  9. Am
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    #9
    Oooooh...Tyra had a book about this on her show the other day:

    http://www.amazon.com/Hard-Questions.../dp/1585420042

    It's got all the essential questions to ask before tying the knot.
  10. Navy Wife
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    #10
    We talked about everything... goals (5 yr, 10 yr, 15 yr), beliefs, hobbies, passions, etc. etc. etc. There is not much I don't know about my husband and knew a lot before he proposed. We went through marriage prep with our minister and that helped too.

    He popped the question... I had no clue!

    As for what I have witnessed depending on your values... many couples should live together for 1 year before marriage. This is to weed out potential life altering conflicts. I have witness a marriage disolve becasue the husband watched football all the time the entire football season and was completely unavailable and the wife had no clue this was the case with her spouse. She couldn't tolerate the behavior and he wouldn't alter it... it ended in divorce.
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