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Thread: I feel super guilty.

  1. DvlDogGal104
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    I feel super guilty.

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    DB went to a party last weekend. He calls and says "no females are going to be at this party...". I thought it was a little strange to say since I didn't ask him anything about it, I guess I expected women to be there. He calls me later that night after he gets home and we talked for hours. Everything was great.

    He sends me a text yesterday and says "so-and-so wants me to delete pictures of her from the party". I said, I thought no girls were going to be at this party? He said, he never said that. Then I ask if a certain girl was there, one that we had issues about before.

    [As a brief summary, he was friends with this girl and he was totally into her (but he says he wasn't---women know when men are attracted or have feelings for other women, right?). It got to the point where nothing that was going on with me could compare to what was going on with her and I almost left him. He said it wasn't losing me over, and he stopped talking to her (I told him he didn't have to do that, the issue wasn't with spending time with her, it was how he treated me compared to her--he just didn't see it, still doesn't). So apparently, they chat here and there, and whenever he mentions her we just inevitably (sp?) fight].

    So...I ask if she was at this party, he didn't say anything at first. And I ask again and he says yes, that he left when she showed up. He said he left when other females showed up but then I mentioned the pictures. Asking if these were pictures he took with the camera I bought him and if he took them as he was walking out of the room as the females arrived. He said no, they were there for a while before so-and-so showed up and he took the pictures himself. So I tell him that's 2 lies (no females there and he left when the girls all arrived-but managed to get pictures). He says he didn't lie, that I was drinking that night when he told me no females were going to be there.

    This turns into a huge fight and he mentions how bad he feels for ignoring her, that he gave up a friendship for me (he said he feels like there's a restraining order, he leaves whenever she's around), gave up a job for me and doesn't feel appreciated. I never felt more guilty in my life. I tell him that I only talk to him anymore when he's drunk, that I feel ignored, that I didn't tell him to give up the friendship or the job and that maybe it's time to go our separate ways. He says no, that he'll be home in 24 days, I love you, can't live without you, etc.

    I had a CT scan today and I don't even want to tell him about it because it's "nothing compared to the other girl's issues". Even though he acts concerned I still feel like it's unimportant because of what he had previously said. So, today I told him I needed to be left alone for a while. That the lies hurt and the ignoring hurts, no matter how much he says "I love you". I don't want to leave him, but I feel bad. Like I'm messing up his life and being a crappy GF. I feel like he doesn't enjoy talking to me except when he's drunk. And he never remembers what we talk about. And if her name gets brought up...forget it, nothing good comes out of it.

    Should I do this guy a favor and let him go so he can have the friends, the fun, the life he really wants?
  2. No one loves their mother like her boys!
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    #2
    For him to throw it in your face like that sounds like he's harboring these resentment feelings and that he thinks about it just talk with him and tell him these weren't your intenetions and if he feels he's missing it or the life he had tell him you can easily let him go..but hope things work out hon!
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by jessica707 View Post
    For him to throw it in your face like that sounds like he's harboring these resentment feelings
    he should respect your wishes not to go around IMO im sure he doesn't feel comfortable with being around a certain person
    "I believe that everything happens for a reason.People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together"-Marilyn Monroe
  4. BJo
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    #4
    I don't think you should give up friends for a relationship but in some cases you have to. Relationships do involve sacrifice. You give up some of your freedoms for the benefits of a solid relationship. It sounds to me like he resents you for just being his girlfriend and you shouldn't be subjected to that.
  5. martiemullet
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    Quote Originally Posted by DvlDogGal104 View Post
    Should I do this guy a favor and let him go so he can have the friends, the fun, the life he really wants?
    i think you should be asking HIM that question.
    does he want a relationship, or does he want this other life? only he can answer that for you.
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    I'm sorry, but my DH got into almost the EXACT same situation, and when I asked him not to talk to her any more, he didn't. Without a doubt, I know I'm worth that lost friendship, because she tried to take him from me, and no friendship is worth that kind of deceit. When he decided to go a month without talking to me, I played him the song "He ought to know that by now" and told him I was leaving him for a guy I worked with. (Mind you, this was all when DH and I were only dating, not married, and I NEVER cheated on DH, I just had a lot of fun with this friend of mine, and he asked me out and I called my then DB to break up with him)

    DH got over that REAL quick, called me EVERY night thenceforth, and I never talked to the guy from work again. MY relationship and MY DH are worth that to me, and I'd never look back or resent him for it. If you're not worth that to him, then it's his loss. Screw him, y'know? You have no reason to be guilty.
  7. DvlDogGal104
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    I suggested a week long break, we come back to see if we were happier without one another, but he freaked out. Says I'm the only good thing in his life and he doesn't know where he'd be without me, trusts me more than anyone, all that stuff. He doesn't want to lose me and makes it very clear. He said that we're different in that I believe actions speak louder than words and he believes words are SUPER powerful. I want him to SHOW me he cares, he wants to say it all the time. Trying to come together on that has been a bit difficult (doesn't sound like it would be, but it can) and we're working to understand each others displays of affection.
    I NEVER suggested he stop talking to her, he did that all on his own. I'm grateful for it, he proved that I'm more important, but I didn't want to make him unhappy.

    On the bright side, he's leaving there in 3 weeks to come home, so after reading all you wonderful ladies advice, I decided that I'd just suck it up and see what happens between now and then and how we are when he gets home. Bitchy girlfriends get dumped (but I made sure he knows I'm not happy with the status of our current relationship), and now I'm doing my best to just not argue about every little thing that makes me unhappy and be grateful for what I do have. A DB that loves me (or at least says it all the effin time).

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