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Thread: Talking of marriage too soon?!

  1. malover
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    Talking of marriage too soon?!

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    A little background...

    my boyfriend joined the military in January 2007 (we weren't in a relationship yet at that time but close friends). We wrote each other a lot and when he was in A school we talked a lot on the phone and eventually confessed feelings for one another. When he was on leave in May 2007, we spent a lot of time together and decided to start a relationship. He's in Cuba and just came back on leave a few weeks ago for 2 weeks. During that time he gave me a promise ring and I was really excited about that. We've only spent 4 weeks "together together" over the past 9 1/2 months but our feelings have grown for one another. The next time that i'll probably be able to see him is over the summer.

    He's brought up getting married a few times recently... he thinks it might be a good idea to get married before his next station so I can live with him and we can finally be together. I know that long distance relationships are unique in the military because of the limited ability to see each other. I feel a little strange to make such a huge commitment with such little daily interactions. I love him to death, but the "logical" side of me knows that things are much different when you see someone daily. I am trying to be rational and not completely blinded by love and not jump into anything, but at the same time I tend to overanaylze WAAAAAY too much.

    Can anyone offer any insight please?!?!

    P.S. I absolutely LOVE this site. I finally can connect with people who know how I am feeling. Its amazing to read the threads, they make me feel so much better!
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    #2
    i would say if you are feeling that you're rushing into it, you probably are...

    that being said, DF and i have probably spent about 5 weeks "together, together" and we're getting married in may...however, we have known each other for 11 years and i couldn't imagine being married to anyone else...

    just follow your heart!

    "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" ~ Psalm 27:1
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    #3
    Sounds like you're pretty level-headed about it! You're the only person who can decide if you're ready to make the next step, and although it's obviously good to not be long-distance for your whole relationship I don't think you HAVE to live near each other for a time before you decide to get married.

    That's great that you guys are talking about marriage, it's a fun time in your relationship!
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    #4
    DF and I were best friends for years (all distance). We decided to start dating last June and were engaged by the end of September. We are getting married in July. I think if you are comfortable with it, then go for it. If you still need some time, then tell him that. It is a personal thing. Some people are okay with it and others aren't. You will make a good decision, just follow your heart! Let me know if you need anything. I would love to talk!

    *Thank you Valarie!!*

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    #5
    I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I only started officially dating in September 07, although when he was home on leave in spring of 2007 there were definitely some sparks. However, he has already given me a promise ring and has mentioned marriage. I think you're really the only one who knows how you feel and if this is right. Don't let the opinions of anyone else discourage you if it is what you want. There will always be people who will talk and judge your relationship but they are not a part of your relationship.
    Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you Dear...
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    #6
    if yoiure questioning wether its too soon or not, than it prob is. There should be absolutely no doubts about marriage.
    DH and I had a long distance relationship pretty much the whole time. We dated kinda off and on in HS, it wasnt serious at all though...more like friends with benefits (or so i thouht lol, he was in love with me the whole time). We became serious after he graduated boot. 3 yrs later we got married....that whole time him either being stationed in Cali or Iraq. So complete long distance CAN work. But we als had th benefit of being friends first, back in HS.
    Just make sure you're ready. Please, dont rush into anything.
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    #7
    Only you know if it would be the right thing to marry him. If you are unsure, wait a little while longer.
    My ex-db (he decided he needed a break) has been in the Air Force for a year and a month. We've known eachother for 3 years (he was my junior prom date), and before he joined, we always had a thing for each other, but never dated. He got back in touch with me in June '07. He's in California, I'm still back in Georgia. But we started talking every day and things progressed pretty fast. By August, he was talking about marrying me. He even went as far as to look at houses out there. Now, nine months later, we're no where close to getting married. He's working through some personal issues and needs his space right now. We're taking this time apart to step back and look at our relationship from the outside. I love him with all my heart, and I know he loves me. We're just not ready to take that step and get married.
    I say all that to say this: Just be careful. Think things through and make sure you do what you think deep down is right, whether that's tying the knot or holding off a bit longer. I think ex-db talked about marriage so much because he was lonely out there in California, away from his home and his family. I know he's not truly ready to be a husband quite yet.
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    #8
    i understand where you are coming from. although df and i have been friends for years, we've only actually seen each other for a combined 5weeks since we started dating in nov '06, we'll be married june '08.

    we joked about marriage from the get go, but when he started getting serious i flipped out! the idea scared me, because i really do try to think rationally... and it just seemed fast and crazy. i settled down when i realized being engaged is not being married, i wasn't afriad of commiting to him because i loved him... it was just that marriage seemed really huge for my 20yr old self. haha.

    just follow your gut. you don't HAVE to get married to live by him (or with him even depending on his rank). is it easier, cheaper, ect... yes. but if you're nervous at all then dont rush it. just follow your gut, and remember you dont have to decide right now.
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    #9
    Well if your thinking ya'll haven't been together long enough then I guess I'm nuts! When df gets back we will have been together together for a total of 11 days... not weeks days. So girl it just depends on what you think a relationship should be like. I so go for it but im spontaneous and a huge risk taker! Good luck!
    Trying to figure it all out...

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