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Thread: Feeling abandoned

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    #1

    Feeling abandoned

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    Hey there, Iím new to this site but figured Iíd seek some advice here before going off on my man. Itís not that I want to go off on him perse, Iíve just had a lot of mixed emotions.

    A little background, we live about an hour away from one another and part of his job is flying. Iíve been so lucky in that recently heís been home most weekends which is unheard of but awesome for me since thatís the only time I can see him. This month he went on a mission and hasnít really contacted me much, though I see that heís on Facebook daily. Iím getting pretty annoyed and feeling abandoned. I miss him terribly and the thought hasnít crossed his mind to message me??? Iím upset enough that Iím seriously considering breaking things off but am not sure if Iím being irrational or not, especially since he hasnít been gone in so long.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope to hear from people who have found themselves in a similar boat.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Trinidad_rob View Post
    Hey there, I’m new to this site but figured I’d seek some advice here before going off on my man. It’s not that I want to go off on him perse, I’ve just had a lot of mixed emotions.

    A little background, we live about an hour away from one another and part of his job is flying. I’ve been so lucky in that recently he’s been home most weekends which is unheard of but awesome for me since that’s the only time I can see him. This month he went on a mission and hasn’t really contacted me much, though I see that he’s on Facebook daily. I’m getting pretty annoyed and feeling abandoned. I miss him terribly and the thought hasn’t crossed his mind to message me??? I’m upset enough that I’m seriously considering breaking things off but am not sure if I’m being irrational or not, especially since he hasn’t been gone in so long.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope to hear from people who have found themselves in a similar boat.
    You say he hasn't contacted you "much" ... so it sounds like he is contacting you but not as often as you would like, right? How long has he been gone? Did you set up a plan for communication beforehand?




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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    You say he hasn't contacted you "much" ... so it sounds like he is contacting you but not as often as you would like, right? How long has he been gone? Did you set up a plan for communication beforehand?
    yes, more information is needed.
    If he is contacting you, but not as much as you would like, have a conversation when possible about expectations when it comes to communicating. He could think nothing is wrong.
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    I'm curious as to where he went on this mission? Like is he deployed? Training? underway? is he gone for 2 weeks or 12 months? What type of "away" could have a huge factor on how much communication is possible. Also you say he's active on FB, is he posting things? Or are you just noticing that it shows he was "active" in messenger? Because honestly that messenger thing can be deceptive, my phone will say I'm "on" messenger when I'm not.

    If all was good before he left and he'll be back shortly I'd hold off and just talk to him in person when he's back, give him the benefit of the doubt. If he's going to be gone a really long time I'd still try to just ask about communication, kind of voice something like "I was really expecting to hear from you every night, is it possible for you to get a message to me once a day?" or something and just see what he says...depending where he is and what he's doing sometimes they really can't communicate as often as you might think they can.
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    #5
    He's not a mindreader. You need to communicate about expectations.
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    We didnít set up a communication plan before he left, heís not technically deployed he is sent on missions as needed to move cargo and people. So he can be gone for 2 days or up to and a month.

    I do agree with everyone that we need to talk it out and agree on a communication plan that works for us. Iím hesistant to bring anything up because part of the reasons we became more serious is because Ď I donít make him feel bad for leaving, and he doesnít have to worry about me when heís going.í He probably doesnít realize anything is wrong and I think Iíve been spoiled lately because he hasnít had long trips. Itís just harder now then previous trips for some reason.
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    #7
    Have you messaged him? You say he hasn't contacted you, but does that mean he's ignoring your messages, or that you aren't contacting him either and have been waiting for him to initiate?
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    I usually wait for him to contact me always, Iím afraid Iíll annoy him or be too needy. I have sent him a few videos etc that heís seen but hasnít said anything about. He did tell me when he would be home and I found some tenents for my house that he said we could talk about when heís back, so I guess thatís something. Iím just feeling like an after thought right now and itís making me sad.
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    #9
    It doesn't really make sense that you aren't contacting him, and then are getting mad at him for not contacting you. That sounds almost like you are playing a game. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to voice your needs. If you want to talk to him, do so. That's not "needy".
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #10
    I also think it really helps to have an idea of how much communication is possible so you can set realistic expectations. DB has been places where he has his cell like normal so I expect to hear from him all the time. He’s also been places that due to security he can’t bring cell phones in the buildings so I don’t expect to hear from him those days (in this instance I’m referring to stateside but if deployed there could be less access to internet/phone) the big thing that always helped us was he gave me a heads up so I knew if I’d hear from him only at night, if he could text, etc so I didn’t expect to hear from him then get upset if I didn’t. Maybe if you don’t feel like bringing it up while he’s gone you can discuss it when he’s back so you guys can be on the same page for next time
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