Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Mixed Feelings About His Return

  1. Regular Member
    LoveConquers's Avatar
    LoveConquers is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    173
    #1

    Mixed Feelings About His Return

    Advertisements
    My SO is returning for leave within the next couple weeks. He's here for a few days before leaving back overseas. I haven't seen him in 5-6 months and I have mixed feelings about his return. Not sure if the emotions I'm having are normal. I'm excited, but at the same time not really? I don't feel like saying Hi and Goodbye again, and then have to get used to not having his presence again. I'm thankful for him coming even if it is for a little bit. But, not sure if my up and down mood swings have to do with it being for such a short time & a long span in between. Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Part of me just wants to avoid it, and I feel like I'm going to have to act excited when I pick him up...It's not that I'm not excited, just I can't get other things off my brain. It's more like a hello-goodbye feeling that makes me feel useless.
  2. Senior Member
    Medic2Doula's Avatar
    Medic2Doula is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Posts
    1,337
    #2
    I don't think you are alone in this, but more importantly, it is perfectly OKAY to feel this way. It is okay to talk about these feelings too. Feeling something like this and letting it ruin his visit are two very different things.
    Mister Rogers talked about ambivalence in his book, and how important it was to be able to acknowledge that even if you are happy about something, it's okay to be sad too.
  3. Old Newbie
    NikNak's Avatar
    NikNak is offline
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    18
    #3
    I feel your pain. My DG is coming back for a short time soon and I don't know how I feel about it. All I can think is that once she's here she'll be leaving again and that makes me sad.
    I think I find it easier counting down to her coming home than I do counting down to her leaving again :-(
  4. Regular Member
    LoveConquers's Avatar
    LoveConquers is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    173
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    I don't think you are alone in this, but more importantly, it is perfectly OKAY to feel this way. It is okay to talk about these feelings too. Feeling something like this and letting it ruin his visit are two very different things.
    Mister Rogers talked about ambivalence in his book, and how important it was to be able to acknowledge that even if you are happy about something, it's okay to be sad too.
    Yeah, just for some reason I've been feeling really annoyed also and not interested about it and don't know if those are normal thoughts.
  5. Senior Member
    AMP1984's Avatar
    AMP1984 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    379
    #5
    I don't know if there is a "normal" - everyone processes things differently and the bottom line is deployments are tough! Being separated from your loved one is hard whether you are dating, married, whatever! Long distance can be tough on it's own but deployments add limited communication, huge time differences, no visits, etc! Allow yourself to feel what you feel, you are dealing with something that isn't simple or easy.

    I don't think it's weird to have mixed feelings. DB and I are meeting up in Italy in a while for his R&R, by then we will have been apart for about 8 months and we will still have about 6 months on the other side before he's home again. Because of where he's deployed to he wasn't supposed to come stateside, the CO who spoke to us at the pre-deployment thing told us he met up with his wife and kids in Germany and said it's worth the trip overseas and definitely needed on both sides to see each other. He said they don't send them home anymore because it's too hard to go back to a war zone if you went home for R&R. I have a feeling it's a little bit like that for you, not the warzone, but you are coping without your loved one and now you'll have them back only to have them gone again, and it's really hard to have that and lose it again. It's like a tease! Maybe you can think of it as a vacation instead of back home and gone so it's not quite so difficult?

    I don't know - I am just guessing here as I haven't had to deal with it yet. I already anticipate the goodbye after R&R being that much harder than the original goodbye...that being said I'll take any time I can get with DB, I just want to see him again and actually be there with him not a million miles away on the other end of a crappy internet connection! My only suggestion is to try to enjoy your time and not focus on how soon it will be ending or how much longer you have before your SO is home home!
  6. Regular Member
    LoveConquers's Avatar
    LoveConquers is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    173
    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by AMP1984 View Post
    I don't know if there is a "normal" - everyone processes things differently and the bottom line is deployments are tough! Being separated from your loved one is hard whether you are dating, married, whatever! Long distance can be tough on it's own but deployments add limited communication, huge time differences, no visits, etc! Allow yourself to feel what you feel, you are dealing with something that isn't simple or easy.

    I don't think it's weird to have mixed feelings. DB and I are meeting up in Italy in a while for his R&R, by then we will have been apart for about 8 months and we will still have about 6 months on the other side before he's home again. Because of where he's deployed to he wasn't supposed to come stateside, the CO who spoke to us at the pre-deployment thing told us he met up with his wife and kids in Germany and said it's worth the trip overseas and definitely needed on both sides to see each other. He said they don't send them home anymore because it's too hard to go back to a war zone if you went home for R&R. I have a feeling it's a little bit like that for you, not the warzone, but you are coping without your loved one and now you'll have them back only to have them gone again, and it's really hard to have that and lose it again. It's like a tease! Maybe you can think of it as a vacation instead of back home and gone so it's not quite so difficult?

    I don't know - I am just guessing here as I haven't had to deal with it yet. I already anticipate the goodbye after R&R being that much harder than the original goodbye...that being said I'll take any time I can get with DB, I just want to see him again and actually be there with him not a million miles away on the other end of a crappy internet connection! My only suggestion is to try to enjoy your time and not focus on how soon it will be ending or how much longer you have before your SO is home home!
    Awwh, what you say sounds just like him. I think he gets annoyed of how clingy I get in the end and how emotional I am so I think that's where my thoughts and emotions are coming from. He says to enjoy it while it's here (in a nicer way or whatever). So, I think it's me hiding my emotions from him because I've gone through it quite a few times. So, I always get this feeling that I want to see him but I want it to be over with at the same time just so I can re-process my feelings of saying goodbye and what not. Like, I got over the situation/him in a way and now have to do it again.

    I really wish you luck on your experience with this. If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •