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Thread: New Marine Girlfriend in need of advice and support!

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    Lindsayturcotte's Avatar
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    #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by fleurdelis View Post
    I think a first extended separation in any relationship is bound to cause a bit of anxiety for anyone. Is there any specific reason you're concerned about his fidelity (ie, past trust incidents between you two), or is this just a general worry for you?
    No not at all, He has been nothing but good to me. I think part of me worries due to past relationships I've been in which isn't fair to put on him. I just worry he will lose interest or cheat or something idk. Im sure he won't though. I think maybe once were in a routine things will get better!
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    #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Lindsayturcotte View Post
    No not at all, He has been nothing but good to me. I think part of me worries due to past relationships I've been in which isn't fair to put on him. I just worry he will lose interest or cheat or something idk. Im sure he won't though. I think maybe once were in a routine things will get better!
    Routine can definitely help make a new situation seem not so intimidating. If there have never been any fidelity issues between you two, the best advice I can give you is to really challenge yourself on the negative thoughts (like "he's going to lose interest") when they (inevitably!) creep into your mind. Remind yourself that those ideas are coming from prior baggage and not from your current relationship; I have seen plenty people sabotage a relationship by letting thoughts like those get the best of them and the insecurity drive away their significant other. Of course, that's not to say you should ignore behaviors, etc, that seem like red flags if they occur, just that you want to make sure you're not just inventing them.
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    #13
    my husband is currently trying to go back active and plans on putting in for Japan. I would love it! I'm going to be ecstatic if he gets active at all though
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    #14
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    my husband is currently trying to go back active and plans on putting in for Japan. I would love it! I'm going to be ecstatic if he gets active at all though
    Here is my next question- What are things to talk about when we get to FaceTime and talk on the phone? We text a good amount throughout the day so sometime is struggle to keep a good conversation going over the phone.
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    #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Lindsayturcotte View Post
    Here is my next question- What are things to talk about when we get to FaceTime and talk on the phone? We text a good amount throughout the day so sometime is struggle to keep a good conversation going over the phone.
    Maybe texting less througout the day will help?

    When we video chat or talk on the phone we just fill each other in on what happened that day. Sometimes the conversations are pretty short, while other times they're not.




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    Hi Lindsay. Just wondering, how long have you two been together? Worrying about faithfulness or losing interesting might go away when your relationship becomes older and more solid. But if it's already a pretty developed relationship then maybe it's just something you'll need to work on. One thing I'll say is that he probably worries about the same thing. He's going to be pretty restricted in his actions and who he can see, whereas you'll be at home with the whole world available to you. Honestly he probably just won't have as many options to be unfaithful. As for losing interest, sort of the same thing. He's not going to have a lot going on. My SO is often just bored. Whether its during his day while he's actually doing army related things or after hours when he's restricted to his base or even his room after certain hours and at times not even allowed electronics or things in his room. He's often just bored and getting to talk to me a highlight. I can't say for sure but I would assume that he might feel the same way, depending on what he's doing over there.

    In the end I think it's just really about the committment. If you're both committed to this and stay committed and communicate if anything changes, you should be ok.

    As for what to talk about on the phone, I agree with idratherbehiking that texting less during the day can lead to more to talk about on the phone. However, at a certain point, you just run out of things to talk about. Here are some things that I've found successful for reigniting conversation:

    1. Watch a TV show together and text or talk throughout it. It gives you something to talk about both during the watching experience (if you can watch in real time together) as well as after the fact you'll have inside jokes about the movie/show

    2. Play an online game together. We found a site where you can play chess together. I'm sure there are other games you could find as well.

    3. Run a work problem or a friend's problem by him. Sometimes when I run out of interesting things from my own life, I give him the gossip on my friend's lives. Nothing personal I know they wouldn't want him to know but just like fun dilemmas or things like that and see what he thinks or if he has any good ideas.

    4. Try on clothes for him over facetime. Ok this is specific and obviously there are a million things you can do over facetime. But I like this one because it makes me feel like he's still involved in my life. If I have somwhere nice to go I'll try on a couple different outfits for him and ask which he likes better. It's fun too just to see the look on his face and know how much he misses you.

    5. Find those lists of questions to ask each other. The most common one I think is like 36 questiosn to fall in love. Seems forced/cheesey but I've done it with friends before being in an LDR and they're just kinda fun questions to talk about.

    Feel free to reach out if you need more ideas but I hope those are helpful!
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    #17
    Quote Originally Posted by alwaysmissing View Post
    Hi Lindsay. Just wondering, how long have you two been together? Worrying about faithfulness or losing interesting might go away when your relationship becomes older and more solid. But if it's already a pretty developed relationship then maybe it's just something you'll need to work on. One thing I'll say is that he probably worries about the same thing. He's going to be pretty restricted in his actions and who he can see, whereas you'll be at home with the whole world available to you. Honestly he probably just won't have as many options to be unfaithful. As for losing interest, sort of the same thing. He's not going to have a lot going on. My SO is often just bored. Whether its during his day while he's actually doing army related things or after hours when he's restricted to his base or even his room after certain hours and at times not even allowed electronics or things in his room. He's often just bored and getting to talk to me a highlight. I can't say for sure but I would assume that he might feel the same way, depending on what he's doing over there.

    In the end I think it's just really about the committment. If you're both committed to this and stay committed and communicate if anything changes, you should be ok.

    As for what to talk about on the phone, I agree with idratherbehiking that texting less during the day can lead to more to talk about on the phone. However, at a certain point, you just run out of things to talk about. Here are some things that I've found successful for reigniting conversation:

    1. Watch a TV show together and text or talk throughout it. It gives you something to talk about both during the watching experience (if you can watch in real time together) as well as after the fact you'll have inside jokes about the movie/show

    2. Play an online game together. We found a site where you can play chess together. I'm sure there are other games you could find as well.

    3. Run a work problem or a friend's problem by him. Sometimes when I run out of interesting things from my own life, I give him the gossip on my friend's lives. Nothing personal I know they wouldn't want him to know but just like fun dilemmas or things like that and see what he thinks or if he has any good ideas.

    4. Try on clothes for him over facetime. Ok this is specific and obviously there are a million things you can do over facetime. But I like this one because it makes me feel like he's still involved in my life. If I have somwhere nice to go I'll try on a couple different outfits for him and ask which he likes better. It's fun too just to see the look on his face and know how much he misses you.

    5. Find those lists of questions to ask each other. The most common one I think is like 36 questiosn to fall in love. Seems forced/cheesey but I've done it with friends before being in an LDR and they're just kinda fun questions to talk about.

    Feel free to reach out if you need more ideas but I hope those are helpful!

    This is really so helpful! We have only been together about four months! We met back where i live, and shortly after he was ordered to leave, but we both felt this intense connection and so much love!
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    #18

    Hello

    You make it seem like your unhappy. Most of the wives or potential wifes are really great for their Military Man. I bet your beyond his imagine of the perfect wife.
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