Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: overseas Italy pcs choosing to stay behind....:-(

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Mrscamp77's Avatar
    Mrscamp77 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    9
    #1

    overseas Italy pcs choosing to stay behind....:-(

    Advertisements
    Hey Guys! this is my first post and Im looking for people that have gone thru the same situation and I need to vent and get some words of encouragement at the same time.
    So my husband has orders to pcs overseas to Italy. we are in our late 30's and been married for 22 years. my husband is close to retirement (by the time he reports he will be 2 years away from retiring). So our plan is for him to retire at 20 yrs, we own our house where we are currently at , our 20yr old only daughter lives with us and will be graduating college a few months after my husband reports overseas. we really dont have a support system for our daughter to stay behind by herself and she only works part time because of her school schedule, i know she's 20 but that doesn't mean she's fully independent. I'm also wore out by this military life and ready for my husband to retire as soon as possible. if i decide to accompany him we will be going for 3 years and therefore most like will have to extend and retire at 21 years as opposed to retiring at 20 years. if we decide for me stay behind he will be going for 2 years unaccompanied and that will put him right at the 20 years retirement mark. I really dont know what to do in this situation. it is really hard thinking of leaving our daughter by herself when she wont have nobody around for support. i want to hear from those of you that maybe have been in similar situations and maybe can offer advice and words of encouragement on how to handle a situation like this. If we decide for hubby to go by himself i will visit as often as we possibly can. it still a hard decision to make and i dont know what to do, i love my husband dearly and im torn because i really dont know what to do. has anyone ever been in a situation like this? we didn't expect to have to pcs this late in his career, especially not overseas. anyways thank you for taking your time to read my post.
  2. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    TrishAFSpouse's Avatar
    TrishAFSpouse is offline
    "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    12,308
    #2
    Well, while it wasn't overseas we did choose to voluntarily do GeoBach. He went to South Carolina for his last 2 years of enlistment and I stayed behind in VA with our kids. We knew he would be retiring, we have our home here, its the only place our youngest has really known (we moved here when he was 2), and our oldest was midway through high school at the time. Since we knew we were retiring here in VA we didn't want to move for 18-24 months and then come back, nor did we want to deal with renting or selling our home, re-establishing ourselves, etc. It just wasn't something we wanted to tackle the last 2 years in. So, we decided he would go alone and the 3 of us would stay behind and man the fort. would I do it again? Absolutely. by doing this, I was able to maintain friendships and gain new ones. Our oldest THRIVEd and established himself in the community and had a vision for himself, and our youngest made friends and was able to keep them (due to not having to move). While my kids are younger, they were still teens when this all happened, so somewhat relevant.

    It also gave us an opportunity to see how we would have to be finanicially when he got out. Because it was voluntary we took a hit with BAH (SC is far less than VA), and he couldn't live in the dorms, so he had to get an apartment off base. So, we had to pay for two homes (utilities, rent, food) and it caused us to figure things out. but it was all worth it in the end.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
  3. Regular Member
    ZirconDragon's Avatar
    ZirconDragon is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    98
    #3
    Well my mom did it for 10ish years. she lived apart from my dad So that we could have a more stable place to grow up rather than spend all 20 of his years moving us around. So if you decide staying behind for a couple of years is what needs to happen then I believe it's very doable

    Hopefully he can come home to visit you guys a couple times a year to make it more bearable. Just make sure you have a good support system for yourself with plenty of friends if not family to help out and keep both of you company. Hopefully time will fly by!
  4. Fresh Newbie
    Mrscamp77's Avatar
    Mrscamp77 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    9
    #4
    Thank you for your input...Is good to know that others have been in a similar situation as mine and have came out of it triumphanlty. Some days i get so down and depressed because i keep thinking that 2 years is such a long time, i guess i just need to keep my eyes on the prize and focus more on his retirement which literally is not that far away.
  5. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    TrishAFSpouse's Avatar
    TrishAFSpouse is offline
    "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    12,308
    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Mrscamp77 View Post
    Thank you for your input...Is good to know that others have been in a similar situation as mine and have came out of it triumphanlty. Some days i get so down and depressed because i keep thinking that 2 years is such a long time, i guess i just need to keep my eyes on the prize and focus more on his retirement which literally is not that far away.
    the 2 years goes by quickly, and you will have opportunities to visit him which is great.
    The retirement planning will take up almost the whole 2 years. There is just so much involved with prepping for that and making sure everything is in order, just so you aren't shocked. Of topic but in regards to retirement.. be sure to pay 3 months of tricare up front, if you forget to pay it you will lose coverage and have to wait a full year to get it back. There are other things too, but that's for a different thread.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
  6. Fresh Newbie
    Mrscamp77's Avatar
    Mrscamp77 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    9
    #6
    TrishAFspouse thanks for your reply:-) i find myself wondering about the whole retirement process. I know hubby is supposed to drop his paperwork for retirement on year 19. I wonder what is all to do that last year? I hear some say that once the paperwork is submitted they have to do all kinds of classes, is that true? Also they have to take terminal leave, is that correct? Anyways thanks in advance for any info you can share and if you’d like to send me a private message feel free.
  7. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    TrishAFSpouse's Avatar
    TrishAFSpouse is offline
    "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    12,308
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Mrscamp77 View Post
    TrishAFspouse thanks for your reply:-) i find myself wondering about the whole retirement process. I know hubby is supposed to drop his paperwork for retirement on year 19. I wonder what is all to do that last year? I hear some say that once the paperwork is submitted they have to do all kinds of classes, is that true? Also they have to take terminal leave, is that correct? Anyways thanks in advance for any info you can share and if you’d like to send me a private message feel free.
    I think it is one year out from retirement they can submit, but remember, it has to get approved. Once approved it is a long process, mostly on him. There are classes to attend such as transition classes, benefits, etc. I did not attend any of them because he did them all in SC but I just started researching and asking questions, and getting stories and to-do's from others I know that retired. Things like knowing what SRB is and if you should take (Spouse retirement beneift, you pay into it monthly to ensure you get his pension should he pass away.. without it you do not get it) it, at retirement is the only time you can sign up for it. Knowing that state taxes (if they apply) and federal taxes are not taken out automatically from his retirement check, he has to contact finance to make sure they do it. Little things you wouldn't think of that come up.

    For terminal leave they can either take it, or get it paid out, many use terminal leave as the time to look for another job, so they are still getting paid while "on active duty". That's a choice to be made between you and he. My husband used it so he could come home early and get situated again and look for a job. With a pay he would've had to wait another 3 months before he could come home.

    So, lots of just seemingly insignificant info and knowledge that isn't so insignificant. Poke around the forums, there past threads with this information (or some of it). Use it as a guide or reference to start asking questions when time is right.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
  8. Fresh Newbie
    Mrscamp77's Avatar
    Mrscamp77 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    9
    #8
    So is possible for them to come home early on terminal leave even when stationed overseas? Im gonna try to find the threads that talk about retirement...thanks again for your replies:-)
  9. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #9
    Just make sure you look at all the finances. You'll be running two households, though since he'd be on unaccompanied orders, the hit isn't as big as it would be otherwise. Also, you mention lots of trips, but keep in mind he would likely live in a barracks room so every visit would mean a hotel, in addition to the plane tickets.

    Plenty of people do this and are successful. Just make sure you really think through the details and practicalities so that you are making an informed decision and are prepared for all the little things.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  10. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    TrishAFSpouse's Avatar
    TrishAFSpouse is offline
    "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    12,308
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Mrscamp77 View Post
    So is possible for them to come home early on terminal leave even when stationed overseas? Im gonna try to find the threads that talk about retirement...thanks again for your replies:-)
    Yes, should be able to. His DEROS date would be long passed, and they would base it off his ETS date, and so long as he has terminal leave available he would be able to come back, again provided he is allowed to retire when he wants, its also based on that.


    Like Villanelle said, the big hurdle for geobach is running two households, and he may not be allowed to live in the dorms. You will not get get separation pay, housing allowance will be based on Italy and he will not get extra (they give only the amount for rent and utilities), but he will get COLA. So, he may not have as extra money as you'd hope, so you must be sure you can pay your mortgage and utilities and household things here without any housing allowance and only COLA (whatever the rate is for Italy).

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •