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Thread: Long distance for a long time

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    #1

    Long distance for a long time

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    Hi Ladies (and gents),
    This is my first post here so please excuse me if I do anything wrong. I started this looking for support. My boyfriend lives in San Angelo, Tx and I am a Nursing Student in Pennsylvania. I feel like I will never see him. We text and call whenever he is able, but it doesn't help that he games a lot. I just feel lost and alone. I will (hopefully) be able to see him again in December if I can afford to fly down there. If not I will hopefully be able to see him at my graduation in May and then move down with him.

    Sorry for the rant. Is there any advice that you folks have to help make all this go faster. I miss him terribly and just am counting down the days until I can see his face again.
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    #2

    LDR can work

    Here are my 2 cents.
    I have been in different states and in different countries from my DH many times over the years of our LDR and yeah, there are days it just sucks but you do get into a rhythm of life with them gone. I find that communication is helpful. Email, messenger, phone call, video chat, snail mail - whatever it is that works for the two of you will be the glue that binds you together. If he is playing a game online, is it one you can play with him? (Not a gamer so not sure how all that works.)
    While we were dating my DH once drove 1100 miles (16 hours) each way on a 3 day weekend just to see me.
    He put in the effort. If a man loves you, he shows it.

    Meeting half way between where he is and you are makes any drive easier. You are about what 24 hours (or so) away from each other? What is in the middle? Meet there. It is feasible sometime between now and Dec, certainly between now and May.
    Might be cheaper to buy an airline ticket - much cheaper if bought in advance.

    Also, consider getting a credit card with double airline miles and use it to buy everything (but only the things) you would usually buy (groceries, gas - I even pay my cellphone bill that way) but be sure you make the payment for the purchase immediately after each purchase. That way you build up free miles and still keep a zero balance.
    More visits can help.

    I am a bit jealous.... I can't go see my DH. Deployments don't allow visitors.
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    If his gaming is getting in the way of reasonable communication expectations, you have to ask yourself some hard questions about his priorities. If you've communicated clearly and have reasonable expectations and he's unwilling to give up time playing games to give you what you need, this man is never going to be a good partner, whether you live in the same house or on different continents.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    If his gaming is getting in the way of reasonable communication expectations, you have to ask yourself some hard questions about his priorities. If you've communicated clearly and have reasonable expectations and he's unwilling to give up time playing games to give you what you need, this man is never going to be a good partner, whether you live in the same house or on different continents.
    This was exactly what struck me as well. Hobbies and interests are important, but so are you (or at least you should be). If you haven't raised with him the issue that you feel lonely and like you two aren't connecting/communicating like you want and need, you need to do that ASAP. If you have raised that issue with him and he hasn't made any concessions in his gaming schedule to meet those needs for you, he's telling you where you fall on his priority list, and it's after gaming. Only you can decide if you're willing to remain lower on the list (but I wouldn't be).
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by ahoover8 View Post
    Hi Ladies (and gents),
    This is my first post here so please excuse me if I do anything wrong. I started this looking for support. My boyfriend lives in San Angelo, Tx and I am a Nursing Student in Pennsylvania. I feel like I will never see him. We text and call whenever he is able, but it doesn't help that he games a lot. I just feel lost and alone. I will (hopefully) be able to see him again in December if I can afford to fly down there. If not I will hopefully be able to see him at my graduation in May and then move down with him.

    Sorry for the rant. Is there any advice that you folks have to help make all this go faster. I miss him terribly and just am counting down the days until I can see his face again.
    Your situation sounds very similar to mine. My boyfriend and I have been friends since we were 12 and for the majority of our relationship it has been long distance. So I understand how the separation can be a pain, but the thing that helps me is to be patient and in the process of separation I work on me. I focus on making me better, so when we do get together I can be even better for him. The loneliness is normal, I keep myself occupied and talk to him as much as I can. Journaling also helps. It is very cathartic with getting out emotions and not allowing them to stay inside. If you are afforded the opportunity to go where he is that would be great, but remember absence makes the heart grow fonder. Continue doing you and be the most amazing person you can be.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by ahoover8 View Post
    Hi Ladies (and gents),
    This is my first post here so please excuse me if I do anything wrong. I started this looking for support. My boyfriend lives in San Angelo, Tx and I am a Nursing Student in Pennsylvania. I feel like I will never see him. We text and call whenever he is able, but it doesn't help that he games a lot. I just feel lost and alone. I will (hopefully) be able to see him again in December if I can afford to fly down there. If not I will hopefully be able to see him at my graduation in May and then move down with him.

    Sorry for the rant. Is there any advice that you folks have to help make all this go faster. I miss him terribly and just am counting down the days until I can see his face again.
    Don't make the same mistake as I did. I understand you love him and miss him, but try not to put more effort in the relationship than he does. Let the effort be equal or slightly more from his side. He'd rather play games than talk to you? And you are the one buying a ticket to visit him... If you can't afford to buy the plane ticket, would he help you? If not, then why?
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    #7
    Hi! My SO is deployed right now and before that we were long distance for about a year. It is hard, but we manged to see each other a couple times. Mine plays a shit ton of video games and it annoyed me sometimes because he wouldn't respond or call for a day or two. I am not one to need a reply every two seconds, but for me personally a day is too long (of course if you're not able to and at work its a different story, you know the drill). I think communication about what both of you want is important. We also say we are another day closer and that what is this time compared to the rest of our lives. It's just a bump in the road. I have become used to not talking to him on the phone, but once a month due to where he's at. I write a ton of letters and send at least one care package a month. I think for us before he left for his deployment was the hardest time. We would just get on each other's nerves and that really never happens on a regular basis. I think the situation he was put in was very stressful for him and it made me stressed out as well. We were just having a hard time expressing that I guess, or we handled it in different ways. He started to play more video games and I mean a lot outside of work. He just dealt with being away from home and me in a different way. But by no means did I just stand around. I would get so mad and I'd calm myself down and try to talk to him. The last time I talked to him I almost exploded I was so mad. I would think to myself, and I would tell him, I don't to be with someone that thinks of talking to me as checking off something on their to-do list everyday. I want to be with someone that wants to talk to me!!! We worked things out quickly and he realized he wasn't holding up his end of the relationship. I think he knew I was wearing down and knew I was serious. Honestly besides the first month of us doing long distance, we didn't Skype at all, just phone calls, but that's just us. I think it's just important to throw everything out there and see what each others reasonable needs are, go from there with distance. And of course Communication lol!!
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    Thank you guys for all of your responses! Just an update, I brought it up with him again how I was feeling and we ended up having a really long heart to heart and we both discussed everything that was on our minds. The good news is that we worked it all out and he will work harder to put more of an effort into things. It is comforting reading your responses and hearing different opinions or similar scenerios. We also agreed that I will not be going to see him in December though so we don't have to worry about finances. Just 210 more days until graduation <3

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