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Thread: I don't know what to do

  1. Fresh Newbie
    JER1989's Avatar
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    #1

    Help I don't know what to do

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    Last edited by JER1989; 06-03-2018 at 03:49 PM.
  2. Regular Member
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    #2
    Hey! You wrote on my post and now I can understand your situation a little more by reading your post.

    With my boyfriend, we talked about the communication situation and how often we would be able to talk. After that, we created a routine for ourselves. It's REALLY important to have realistic ideas of your communication. I made that mistake at first. If you expect to speak A LOT but can actually only talk a little bit.. you'll be very disappointed. So be realistic!

    Since you guys are in different time zones.. it's important for you guys to figure out a plan. Like figuring out when you're both available, and HOW you guys will be communicating. (FaceTime for example!) As for content.. keep him involved in your life. Let him know what you did that day, tell him funny stories that happened, be honest if you're feeling a little down and communicate your feelings as much as you can. Be open. Keep each other connected and involved.

    I definitely would give him a good amount of time before visiting.
    I didn't know when I should ask my boyfriend when I can visit either! He was only gone for a week, so I just made a joke about it and he said "well once I have my schedule, I'll let you know when you can!" so just jokingly bringing it up can open the door to conversation.
    So just bring it up to him. You could even say something like "I can't wait for you to settle down over there so I can go see you!" and just kind of put the ball in his court for leading that type of conversation. He probably doesn't even know when you would be able to visit yet!!... but talking about it is exciting anyway!

    LDR's are sooooo hard and I'm going a bit insane over here! Haha. If you ever wanna chat just message me!!
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    #3
    Hi!
    My DB and I have some history with each other prior to him enlisting and us getting back together (I can tell you more in private if you would like). LDR is really hard and you are right that communication is key. Being able to talk as much as possible when you are available is key. My DB will call at 2 am my time the night/morning of a clinical (I am a full-time nursing student). But that would be the only time I would be able to talk to him otherwise.
    Always update him as to what is going on, but remember that he may not be able to share a majority of things with you. I forget that sometimes and feel offended, but it's all part of the job. Communication is something that always has a different expectation for everyone. I always have to remind my DB about my expectations and he adjusts for a period but then falls back to old ways. It's a continuous cycle.

    Again, LDR is hard, but if you need anything this site is a great support system and you can always message me if you need anything.
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    #4
    For me this is also quite new. But he's not my first partner who's in the army, so I knew what I was signing up for.

    But this is how I deal with this:

    I had simply 2 rules: I want to have a text each morning saying that he loves me and wishes me a good day. And I want a text every evening, saying he loves me and wishes me a good night.
    For me those are very symbolic and important. I need to know that nothing has changed overnight and he's still thinking of me.
    I know he's been in situations where he had no connection, his phone died and couldn't charge,.. by now I trust that when there's no text from him, it will follow from as soon as he has a moment to send it. And in the worst days we exchange selfies. ^^
    We never call.
    I keep a close eye on everything in the news, I follow all the social media from our army.

    At some point I started to embrace his job. I want to learn everything about it, about his department, his missions, the rituals and rules in the army even about the vehicles and weapons. It feels like I'm in this with him. And I love being in a relationship with him, and with his job. I have never been more proud of anything.

    And as lame as it sounds, I do keep a worn shirt from him and hold it while falling asleep.
    Another thing we do, is make plans for when he's back. We have a skydive booked togheter. We payed for it, but we still need to pin a date for it. But we do have something to look forward to anyway.

    PS: Sometimes I just get angry with him for not being here, it's one of those weak moments, and allthough I try not to bother him with my dramatic emotional moments sometimes I do. He understands. It's not changeing the fact that he's gone, and he won't quit his job for it, but he will understand my emotional instable moments.


    Funny anekdote: there's this military meme that says "you wear his ring, not his rank". I always tell him, "Yes I do wear your rank, or that's what I'll tell myself, because I'm just as proud of your rank as you are!"

    The army is part of him, and so it is a part of me. This way of thinking helps me cope. When he has a hard day, or he suddenly feels guilty about not being around, I'll tell him "come on, you're a hero, go be badass! I love you."
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    #5
    When it comes to you visiting...let him make that choice. I know it might kill you but this way he gets settled into his new command, explores the area a bit......

    As far as communication...be a bit open right now to anything. depending on the type of command he is going to, what the schedule looks like, his free time, getting everything set up....

    I know this is all hard....Just cherish any email, text or anything you get.
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    #6
    Hi, I'm also in a new relationship with someone I met online. The difference between you and me is, my boyfriend and I haven't even MET yet!! We were hoping to get together this month and then he got a last-minute posting for a TDY. You can imagine how I felt! I too am frustrated because we were just building this relationship and then, eight weeks in, we are going to be separated for another little while (though, thank goodness, not too long!). I can tell you what's helped me so far: lots of prayer and lots of "having to let go". If this is supposed to continue, then it will, and so far I feel he is committed to me so the little time we do get to talk, I try to be positive and remind him I love him and am still here waiting for him. I try to remember how hard this is for him, too. We talk about our mutual interests and I try to build on that, because I feel they form our strong foundation. It also helps if I try to learn as much as I can about where he is and what he's doing. Don't despair, I miss mine too!!

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