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Thread: New to a LDR

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    #1

    New to a LDR

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    Hey everyone!
    my boyfriend is in the army and will be going down to Ft. Benning, Ga for ABOLC.
    I am so anxious and nervous. He leaves in exactly one week and I made this account in the hopes of talking to people who understand me. whether you are going through it now, or have already been through it. A LDR for 4 years sounds...insane... but he is worth it.
    any advice?
    Last edited by RebeccaAshley; 11-04-2017 at 01:24 PM.
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    #2
    DH (then DB) and I were long distance for a little over a year while he was at boot camp, combat training, and then MOS school. He wasn't able to take leave because he was in training which made things difficult. But a few of my friends who were/are in LDRs would visit their DBs often and vice versa so that's something to look forward to.

    I know non-mil affiliated friends and family don't always understand, but they are truly what will help you get through this. Try not to get frustrated if they "just don't get it". The more independent you are the better; so go out with friends, focus on work/school, and do things that bring you joy.




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    it's nice to hear you guys made it through! I've known quite a few military LDR's and all of them have failed... it's very discouraging. But hearing stories like yours makes me feel so much more confident and hopeful.
    Plus- you're right! No one understands, not even my family, the seriousness I take to this new LDR. They think I should just "let him go".. haha..
    crazy. I definitely plan on being independent in what I do-- focusing on my studies and hobbies. hopefully the next four years will fly by!!
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    #4
    DH and I were as long distance as we could be for three years while he was in Japan, and then a little closer yet still across the country when he spent his last year in San Diego. It sucks!!! BUT get your stuff done and stay driven towards your goals. Honestly, him being gone made going to school easier, no distraction.
    It does end. Spend time with friends.
    We are married seven years with four kids now, it does get better!!!
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by RebeccaAshley View Post
    it's nice to hear you guys made it through! I've known quite a few military LDR's and all of them have failed... it's very discouraging. But hearing stories like yours makes me feel so much more confident and hopeful.
    Plus- you're right! No one understands, not even my family, the seriousness I take to this new LDR. They think I should just "let him go".. haha..
    crazy. I definitely plan on being independent in what I do-- focusing on my studies and hobbies. hopefully the next four years will fly by!!
    I think most people who haven't experienced what you're going through at least try to be empathetic. But, yeah, even after 10 years of being with DH through his military career my mom and his mom still doesn't totally get it . They try though. I just learned to keep complaining about his job to a minimum.

    It's okay to vent every now and then. But, if your family and friends are constantly hearing how sad and lonely you are then they're going to question why you're still with him. Try to stay positive. Do things that will enrich your life and look forward to the time you will be together.




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    #6
    ^^
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    DH and I were as long distance as we could be for three years while he was in Japan, and then a little closer yet still across the country when he spent his last year in San Diego. It sucks!!! BUT get your stuff done and stay driven towards your goals. Honestly, him being gone made going to school easier, no distraction.
    It does end. Spend time with friends.
    We are married seven years with four kids now, it does get better!!!
    wow, thanks so much for sharing your story!! It gives me so much hope that my relationship will work out too!
    I am so terrified, but hearing stories such as yours really gives me the confidence I need to know I can make it through this.
    You're absolutely right too! My boyfriend even tells me all the time to "absorb myself in school" when he's gone. Hopefully that will make it much easier to go faster, and focusing on my studies will be easier with him not around to distract me like you said haha. just a little nervous that I'll just endup being distracted by being upset!! but I hope ill be able to keep my feet on the ground.
    How did you handle all the work from school while you were going through something so upsetting ? I think thats my main (personal) concern
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    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    I think most people who haven't experienced what you're going through at least try to be empathetic. But, yeah, even after 10 years of being with DH through his military career my mom and his mom still doesn't totally get it . They try though. I just learned to keep complaining about his job to a minimum.

    It's okay to vent every now and then. But, if your family and friends are constantly hearing how sad and lonely you are then they're going to question why you're still with him. Try to stay positive. Do things that will enrich your life and look forward to the time you will be together.
    Oh my goodness, it sucks that some people just can't grasp some things and can't understand, no matter how long they've been exposed to it. I definitely learned to keep my complaining to a bare minimum as well. In fact, I really don't talk about it a all. because then they'll do exactly what you stated, and start to question why I am even with him in the first place. thanks for the advice ! it is so refreshing to hear stories like yours.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by RebeccaAshley View Post
    wow, thanks so much for sharing your story!! It gives me so much hope that my relationship will work out too!
    I am so terrified, but hearing stories such as yours really gives me the confidence I need to know I can make it through this.
    You're absolutely right too! My boyfriend even tells me all the time to "absorb myself in school" when he's gone. Hopefully that will make it much easier to go faster, and focusing on my studies will be easier with him not around to distract me like you said haha. just a little nervous that I'll just endup being distracted by being upset!! but I hope ill be able to keep my feet on the ground.
    How did you handle all the work from school while you were going through something so upsetting ? I think thats my main (personal) concern
    I think the initial shock is upsetting, and you will have good nights and bad nights, but you just kind of get used to it, it becomes a new normal.
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    #10
    Im curious if he is going to Ft. Benning why dont you move with him? Is it cuz youre not married? I am new to this military thing so this is an honest niave question. LOL.
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