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Thread: Lovey Dovey, Then BAM! Back To Reality.

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    #1

    Confused Lovey Dovey, Then BAM! Back To Reality.

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    We've always had a "next time" planned. But, now there really isn't one. I've brought up certain time frames on when I could come, but he doesn't say much. Just keeps telling me to prioritize what's going on in my life right now.

    I might be over thinking but, our last visit was a few weeks ago and he talked about that for "this" to work I need to know whether or not I can be with him when he gets re-stationed somewhere in the states. I do have a daughter, and I need her father's permission to take her with me. It's way too soon to know because it won't be until two years from now. Her father seems compliant about it, but we just want her opposite times of the year. I tell my boyfriend this and all he keeps saying is, "we'll see what happens."

    Am I over thinking about him not liking me anymore? He's telling me to focus on other things (I need to move back out of my parent's house) and he just seems very short with replies sometimes....I mean he is on night shifts and then has been having day classes, and appears super busy, but I don't know?


    Has anyone gone through a similar situation, or noticed how busy they seem after your visit? Like all lovey dovey, then BAM! Back to reality.
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    #2
    Only way to find out how he feels is to ask him. Other people could have easily been in your situation but the reasoning behind it is different. Just try to have an open an honest discussion about what's going on and how you feel.
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    #3
    is it possible he just doesn't know what the military has planned and you are trying to make concrete plans when he cannot?
    I am a type A personality with planning my life, but that isn't how the military works. If he is saying "we'll see" maybe he honestly doesn't know.
    Like Carolina said, talk to him.
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    #4
    All you can do is ask him about it, an as unemotional a way as possible.

    That said, it does sound concerning, so I understand why you are stressed. But I can also see where maybe he's coming from. Yes, you can't commit right now to moving with your DD, but at the same time I can see why he wouldn't want to continue to get more emotionally involved with someone if there is no future.

    Ask him about it, communicate your feelings, and see where things stand when that conversation is over.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #5
    Thanks for the replies everyone. He definitely is the type to only plan one week at a time, and I'm always pushing for the future so that does complicate things. I'm also wondering if Villanelle is right, that he's afraid to commit more if it's not certain, even though in the beginning we knew it'd come to this.

    I've tried talking about it, but maybe I'm not blunt enough because I feel as if he's avoiding the questions.
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    #6
    How long have you been together?
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CDNTrish View Post
    How long have you been together?
    It'll be a year next month.
  8. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveConquers View Post
    Thanks for the replies everyone. He definitely is the type to only plan one week at a time, and I'm always pushing for the future so that does complicate things. I'm also wondering if Villanelle is right, that he's afraid to commit more if it's not certain, even though in the beginning we knew it'd come to this.

    I've tried talking about it, but maybe I'm not blunt enough because I feel as if he's avoiding the questions.
    I can absolutely see why him being in another country and you having a child from another relationship would cause hesitation for commitment. What if he gets stationed in another country after Germany? What if your child's father decides he doesn't want her moving far away? What if the distance now becomes too much? What if he gets attached to your daughter and she's taken out of his life? There are a lot of "what ifs" in your situation. Perhaps he's having a difficult time with LDR and these questions are coming to mind? In this situation, the only plausible answer I can see anyone giving is "I'd like a future with you and I'll do what I can to work towards one, but the concrete answer isn't there right now."
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    #9
    that's still a pretty new relationship. Has it all been long distance?
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    that's still a pretty new relationship. Has it all been long distance?
    Yes, it's all been long distance. Just the questions are coming up now because feelings are strengthening.
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