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Thread: Searching for things to talk about

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    #1

    Searching for things to talk about

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    I am not sure if it is because my BF & I keep each other updated via text or what? But when we finally are able to get on the phone (6 hour time difference, his time being behind mine) I am grasping at air to find something to talk about with him. I like hearing his voice so I hate when we can't find anything to talk about because we end up just ending the call.

    Has this happened with anyone else?

    Any suggestions maybe?

    Thanks !!
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    #2
    Could be that you talk too much so you don't have anything new to say when you're on the phone, or it could be that you're not compatible communication wise. I'd try texting less in between phone calls.

    DH and I only text when we need something from each other or he's on duty. When he's underway we email about every 3-4 days so there's something to actually talk about instead of "nothing new here. Miss you. Love you"
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    #3
    I firmly believe there is such a thing as too much communication, especially during a LDR when the mutual experiences you have to discuss are much more limited, and when conversations don't happen organically, but are sort of forced to be at times when you may not really have anything to say. So depending on how you are handling communication, I'd step back and see if maybe you can shift things a bit to focus on quality of quantity, being very careful if/when you do to make it clear why you are proposing the change. This might mean talking less, texting less, or both.

    Also, you can try to create shared experiences to discuss. Maybe read the same book, or pick out a movie every week for you to both watch (if he has access), or something like that. When DH and I were dating long distance, I read him a chapter a night (or the nights we talked). Not for everyone, but I love to read out loud and he loves to be read to, it it created a great bond between us, and gave us something to talk about, too. I believe you can also buy conversation starter books or games, that have questions to provoke discussion. If that seems like it might work for you, you could try it.
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    #4
    Yeah, I am more of a text just to check in but he is more of a "I like knowing what you're doing as you're doing it" kinda person. Thanks ! I will try to maybe let him know that we shouldn't text so often because I rather talk on the phone.

    I love getting ideas from everyone because sometimes I don't know how to think outside of the box :p
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I firmly believe there is such a thing as too much communication, especially during a LDR when the mutual experiences you have to discuss are much more limited, and when conversations don't happen organically, but are sort of forced to be at times when you may not really have anything to say. So depending on how you are handling communication, I'd step back and see if maybe you can shift things a bit to focus on quality of quantity, being very careful if/when you do to make it clear why you are proposing the change. This might mean talking less, texting less, or both.

    Also, you can try to create shared experiences to discuss. Maybe read the same book, or pick out a movie every week for you to both watch (if he has access), or something like that. When DH and I were dating long distance, I read him a chapter a night (or the nights we talked). Not for everyone, but I love to read out loud and he loves to be read to, it it created a great bond between us, and gave us something to talk about, too. I believe you can also buy conversation starter books or games, that have questions to provoke discussion. If that seems like it might work for you, you could try it.
    I second her. Reading same book is a good idea to communicate and discuss when eventually creates a bond between both.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by bungirl View Post
    I am not sure if it is because my BF & I keep each other updated via text or what? But when we finally are able to get on the phone (6 hour time difference, his time being behind mine) I am grasping at air to find something to talk about with him. I like hearing his voice so I hate when we can't find anything to talk about because we end up just ending the call.

    Has this happened with anyone else?

    Any suggestions maybe?

    Thanks !!
    I grasp at air for Skype calls and he always makes the comment that I don't talk on it. It makes it even worse! Like I just stare at him because I miss him and we message each other pretty much all day when possible. So I'm like clueless what to say because I get all awkward, even though we've been together for a year.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I firmly believe there is such a thing as too much communication, especially during a LDR when the mutual experiences you have to discuss are much more limited, and when conversations don't happen organically, but are sort of forced to be at times when you may not really have anything to say. So depending on how you are handling communication, I'd step back and see if maybe you can shift things a bit to focus on quality of quantity, being very careful if/when you do to make it clear why you are proposing the change. This might mean talking less, texting less, or both.

    Also, you can try to create shared experiences to discuss. Maybe read the same book, or pick out a movie every week for you to both watch (if he has access), or something like that. When DH and I were dating long distance, I read him a chapter a night (or the nights we talked). Not for everyone, but I love to read out loud and he loves to be read to, it it created a great bond between us, and gave us something to talk about, too. I believe you can also buy conversation starter books or games, that have questions to provoke discussion. If that seems like it might work for you, you could try it.


    Dh and I are both more texters than phone people. So when we were LD we texted everyday and only spoke on the phone for an hour or so once a week. We saved the big things to talk about for phone calls .
    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."
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    #8
    You could try conversation starters (https://conversationstartersworld.co...s-for-couples/) DH and I do a couple of these each night before bed as a couples exercise and it's interesting and pretty fun.


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    #9
    If you know you will have a skype/ phone call soon, I would just prepare things I am going to talk about, in case if you get excited and forget. Maybe there are things you always wanted to ask him about?
    Ask about his day, work, hobbies, some events that are going on that you or him may want to attend, vacation plans, mutual friends, future plans...

    We call to hear the voice and to talk about a specific question/topic, but I always like when they just call to hear the voice. My bf is not so romantic to do stuff like that haha
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by bungirl View Post
    I am not sure if it is because my BF & I keep each other updated via text or what? But when we finally are able to get on the phone (6 hour time difference, his time being behind mine) I am grasping at air to find something to talk about with him. I like hearing his voice so I hate when we can't find anything to talk about because we end up just ending the call.

    Has this happened with anyone else?

    Any suggestions maybe?

    Thanks !!
    I definitely agree with Villanelle! Do things that will create conversations.
    My bf and I like to watch movies on FaceTime, so it gives us conversation afterwards because we can talk about the movie and our opinions or stuff like that!

    Also, I learned to save some things for a phone call. If something exciting happens during the day, or even if something bad happens, maybe save it for the phone call. Constantly texting can be an over-kill because you can run out of things to talk about, as you stated.

    Just try and save things to talk about, or do things such as reading the same book or watching the same movies or something, so you guys have something to bond over.
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