Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Is it wrong to tell my ex i miss him...?

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Imisshimlots's Avatar
    Imisshimlots is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    8
    #1

    Is it wrong to tell my ex i miss him...?

    Advertisements
    Hello all,
    I'm not a military wife or girlfriend so sorry to jump on your forum but i feel you may be able to understand my situations more than others.

    I'm a military (army) ex, and I'm really struggling are the moment. My ex dumped me a week before deployment. He was kind and tried his hardest not to hurt me through this, but felt things werent right so ended it. I see his point, things weren't right. We weren't communicating about the important stuff. We had hardly even discussed his deployment, but the relationship was good in other ways.
    I talked things through with him but i knew it was too late in the day to try to fix things with him. I didn't want to make him more stressed than he was, so i accepted his decision and hugged him goodbye as we both balled our eyes out. We have caught up a few times, wishing him well before he went, checking he was doing ok over there and he has initiated contact to check how I am too. But contact has been quite minimal (compared to before) and at no point have either of us brought up the relationship.

    This week I am really fighting the urge to contact him and tell him I miss him and thank you for treating me so well. I feel I took him for granted when i was with him and didn't show my appreciation for everything he did for me.

    Would I be wrong to send this kind of message while he is deployed? Will it cause him stress that he doesn't need or could it pick him up and make him feel better.

    Friends have asked what my intentions would be, would I be subconsciously be doing it to see if he replied back with similar or am i looking for closure and genuinely wanting to say thanks.

    I keep seeing things he brought me or that remind me of him and it makes me sad and wanting to reach out to him every day. We are 2 months on now!

    Basically my question Is.... is it wrong to try to fix a relationship while someone is away. Im not expecting anything until he's back and wouldn't put any pressure on but it would be nice to know if we can try again at some point or if I need to give up this hope that I keep clinging on to.

    Tia
  2. Senior Member
    Guynavywife's Avatar
    Guynavywife is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    19,321
    Blog Entries
    2
    #2
    If your only concern is his deployment, go for it.
    Generally, one thing that makes a deployed person feel worse than communication from home is not getting communication from home.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
  3. I've got 32 flavors of that bootylicious bubblegum.
    rayfinkle's Avatar
    rayfinkle is offline
    I've got 32 flavors of that bootylicious bubblegum.
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    18,538
    #3
    Life doesn't stop because they are deployed. You can absolutely tell him how you feel!


    life's a party, rock your body
  4. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #4
    As long has he hasn't asked you not to contact him, I think it's fine to tell him how you feel. It seems like he's still engaged since he is occasionally contacting you, so if you want to put yourself out there, go for it. I'd just do it in a gentle way so it doesn't make it more awkward than necessary if he doesn't reciprocate. Good luck!
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  5. Fresh Newbie
    Mignon12's Avatar
    Mignon12 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    5
    #5
    I'm super new and don't have a lot of experience with deployed people, so disregard this if you want, haha...but it seems like if you want to write him saying that you've learned from the experience and to thank him for how he treated you, and to express how much you're thinking of him while he's gone, that at least couldn't make things any worse! Especially since he HAS contacted you, it's not like he's ignoring you.
  6. Fresh Newbie
    Imisshimlots's Avatar
    Imisshimlots is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    8
    #6
    Thank you for your replies.

    There were issues other than the deployment, communication being the main problem. But I think i needed this space to realise how much of a problem this was, but to me it wasn't a deal breakers, they were things to be fixed.

    I was burying my head in the sand from the moment I knew the deployment was coming up and I think this upset him. I didn't support him as i think he wanted, but he also didn't communicate what he needed.

    I think due to what the issues were my worst move here would to not contact him about all this, and to continue to bury my head in the sand. But other people are telling me not to bother him when he's deployed.

    There are things between us that may make things not work, religion for example. But we knew this from the start and if we don't talk about it how will we know. There's no deal breakers for me so I'm struggling to walk away. I'm not sure if it makes it harder or easier that he is deployed. I'm just thinking out loud now.

    Again... thanks for you help.
  7. Fresh Newbie
    Imisshimlots's Avatar
    Imisshimlots is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    8
    #7
    So I've contacted him. I've not said I missed him but said I was thinking about him. He again was very polite but seemed to friendzone me in his replies. He's said he's having a hard time, but he cares about how I'm doing but doesn't want me to worry about him. So my message hopefully was appriciated but I get the feeling he still feels nothing is there for him.
  8. Senior Member
    Allybeth's Avatar
    Allybeth is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    730
    #8
    The thing with these things is, you can't get your hopes up. If you're expecting a certain reaction from him, you have to be prepared that you're not getting it. If you feel like it will crush you, I wouldn't contact him and open these old wounds again.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •