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Thread: Advice Appreciated!!

  1. Regular Member
    Cali49's Avatar
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    #1

    Advice Appreciated!!

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    Hello everyone, I am new to this site. To be honest, I’ve never really done anything like this. I realize this is a long post and I apologize, but this has helped me immensely. I am not one to talk about problems or feelings of any kind. A lot of people grow up like that. So far though, this has been the most helpful in navigating through my feelings after my boyfriend recently left to return to his duty station. I’ll start at the beginning I guess. I met my boyfriend at home awhile back, both of us didn’t really expect what we had to go anywhere. We clicked immediately, but figured it would end like all of our previous relationships… heartbroken. However, not listening to our brains, we continued to talk while he was away. I went back to school and continued the everyday routine: work, school, and the occasional nights out with my good friends. I come from a military family. My Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle, and Grandpa were all military. I know how it goes: not being able to talk to someone when you want, or look at them, hold them, just be with them in general. I never expected it to be this hard though. It’s just different with your significant other. After just three months of being together, we knew we had fallen for each other. We said we loved each other shortly after that. Recently in October, he was supposed to be coming home. He projected leave and everything looked good, until the base had an exercise with just about everyone and he had to wait to come out to visit me until the end of December and beginning of January. Naturally I was crushed. I tried to fill time, not knowing when I was going to see him killed me inside. I even saved up the money to fly out there, but couldn’t because of work and finals. Then he called me in November and told me he would be able to come out. I was so excited I bought his Christmas presents right after and wrapped them the same day. I cleaned every day and tried to stay busy to keep my mind from wondering. The last week before he comes is always the worst. Time seems to be at a standstill just sitting there teasing you. Then he finally came and I picked him up. We both couldn’t stop smiling. It was, as cliché as it sounds, magical. The whole time he was here we were inseparable. We argue very rarely and seem to just get each other on a deeper level. We try not to focus on petty things. He really balances me out. Seeing as we are both broke college age students I tend to stress a lot on financial situations. He, on the other hand, has a carefree attitude (knows when to be serious though) and makes me feel a thousand times better about any situation. He really does complete me. After, I dropped him off at the airport to go back, I broke down. I had to drive five hours back to my apartment and I cried the whole time. I have never done anything like that in my life…ever. My eyes were so swollen and my neck hurt from sobbing like a baby. I felt sick to my stomach. I pulled over at a gas station and just sat there and tried to get it together before I got back on the road. I couldn’t even look at his seat. I just wanted to hear his voice and have him hold my hand and kiss me a million times. We talk about our future together all the time. I just have to finish school first and then I can be with him. I make my own money and pay for all my own expenses. I am the first to have the opportunity to go to college in my family and I know I have to complete school. I realized when I went to bed alone that night that he is absolutely the one I want to spend my life with. I knew this before, but that day just solidified it. I was worried going from not seeing him at all to spending everyday with him again would cause problems, but it did the complete opposite. We just fell in love even more. Not the puppy dog love phase were everything is happy-go-lucky and rainbows. We fell in love on a deeper level. We can literally talk about anything and everything. He is truly my best friend. I just got word today that he is deploying later this year and after hearing that I started crying again… of course lol seems to be the norm now. I am happy for him. I know this is what he wants, but at the same time it does scare me. I would like to not think I’m crazy. I am scared for his safety, our relationship, and scared that when he comes back he won’t be the same person. Going to Iraq is going to change him, as it would anybody else. I don’t know what to expect. This is our first deployment together. I appreciate this site so much. After reading people’s posts and blogs I can see I’m not the only one going through this clearly. I appreciate everyone so much for even giving this post the time of day. Any advice would be very much appreciated! God bless!
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    Can you please break this down into paragraphs?
  3. Regular Member
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    #3

    My apologies

    Sorry, I am still learning everything. I just got all my thoughts out at once.
  4. Old Newbie
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    #4
    Your story is so heart warming! You are being very smart in your decisions to support him while he is working so hard, and also supporting yourself to fulfill your dreams. Truly inspiring. It seems like you guys have a genuine relationship and that is amazing because without that most of these relationships do not end up working out. Honestly, it never gets any easier as time goes on in my experience. I know a lot of people out there have said oh just wait till it's been years it will be a lot easier and you won't be as sad... well it's been years for my husband and I and I still cry every single time he comes home and says those 4 words. ( I have to deploy) However, if your relationship remains strong and true you guys will soon realize how much these deployments do for your relationship! I used to think the worst and never be able to focus on the things that mattered most when he was gone. I was always just waiting on him to come back home to me and worrying about what might happen to us if things changed him from being deployed. Truly though he has never changed who he is and how he loves me any time he has deployed. One of the best things about our relationship is that you always get those crazy cute butterflies in the pit of your stomach over the small things like face timing, receiving sweet texts after it's been hours since you last spoke, being able to put together a care package for him and knowing when he opens it how happy is going to be and how much he is going to appreciate you for thinking of him.

    The level of appreciation you guys will begin to have for one another is unreal. It's one of the most amazing feelings you will ever feel. When love has to be separated it begins to form bonds on a totally different level. Like you were saying, not puppy love, but on a deeper level. You begin to see and realize just how much that person means to you and the distances you would go just to make sure they are happy, healthy, safe, and coming back to you no matter what the circumstance.

    Some things I like to do while he's gone to keep myself busy are: Plan a fun romantic weekend getaway for when he comes back! Seriously this is some of the most memorable times you guys will have together! My husband and I like to rent a hotel for a weekend and just enjoy not having to do anything buy what we want without any life interruptions and just soak up the time together!

    Depending on how crafty you are ( never know until you try) you can make him a DIY gift while he is away and be able to give him a coming home gift when he returns! I have made my husband several things over the years and he absolutely loves them! Last year i made him a mans survival kit which was made from an old antique suitcase (small) one piece of thin wood from Lowes, a flask, bottle of his favorite liquor, his favorite knife, a box of bullets, and can of copenhagen. I traced the items onto the wood and then cut them out and places the items on the wood and put the wood into the box! ( you can find it on pinterest!) Another one that I did was made a beer bottle shaped wall art for him. It had all the bottle caps we had saved in it from when we first got together! These things will keep you busy and also they absolutely love them when they come back!

    It really helps that you have school because that will keep you busy and also stay close with your friends! The people you surround yourself with and reach out to will be your saving grace girl!! Always feel free to reach out if you're ever down and out! I wish you two the best of luck sweets!!

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